Looking Deeper

making the move

2008-11-02T17:42:00.003-07:00

Ok...I've made the decision. I'm moving.

Haha.

My blog. I'm moving my blog. :) Thanks to my friend Paul, I've discovered how to switch over (almost) painlessly. The new location is.........
http://kingdomstrider.wordpress.com

I still have to move a bunch of links and stuff over, but that's where I'll be posting from now on.
Hope you follow me there!!

Thoughts from class...

2008-10-29T10:36:00.002-06:00

A question from class that has me.......thinking :)

Why do you think the Spiritual Disciplines are seen by many people as “optional add-ons for super Christians”?
I’m going to risk sounding heretical here.
The disciplines are, to a large degree, excluded from the Gospel we preach. We live in a culture where comfort is the ultimate commodity. Marketing efforts on the part of corporations (and, dare I say, churches) have blossomed. We hear that we are sinners, Jesus loves us and died for us, and that this death mysteriously makes it possible for us to shimmy into heaven when we die. We may even hear that being on God’s side will assure us material provision, comfort…even luxury. Some of this is good and true, but rarely have I heard the Gospel presented as an invitation to an ongoing journey, commitment, and struggle – “For your sake we are being killed all day long” (Rom. 8:36) is not a popular verse in evangelistic efforts. I have to wonder how much of the gospel we hear proclaimed today is merely the illegitimate child of our desire for fulfillment and the marketing schemes of twist doctors and image consultants.
We want people to buy into Christianity, so we do what can to make it appealing. Play up the good stuff, exaggerate a little, and play down or completely ignore the “unpleasantries.” After people are in, they may hear about courses or special schools for “discipleship” that require major time and commitment, but rarely (in my experience) of discipleship as the Way of living in the midst of our lives. So the assumption is easy to make: Discipleship is an extreme sort of lifestyle for an extreme sort of person and the rest of us are simply “not ‘built’ to be spiritual giants” (Reading Room article).

Ouch

2008-10-26T15:14:00.004-06:00

Found this on a blog I just started following - Becoming Like Jesus. Touching on some major realities....

"Church is not a place for questions....it's a place for answers"? God grant us grace to turn the world upside down.

Truth?

2008-10-26T07:31:00.002-06:00

Pilate asked him, "So you are a king?"
Jesus answered, "You say that I am a king. For this I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice."
Pilate asked him, "What is truth?"
John 18:37-38

What is truth? Here's (oh, you'll never guess who I'm gonna quote) Nouwen on the matter:

"Jesus sends us the Spirit so that we may be led to the full truth of the divine life. Truth does not mean an idea, concept or doctrine, but the true relationship. To be led into the truth is to be led into the same relationship that Jesus has with the Father; it is to enter into a divine betrothal." (Making All Things New 54)

Gives "The truth will set you free" all new meaning, eh?

pondering love

2008-10-25T08:21:00.003-06:00

"Let them ponder the love of the Lord..."
(A phrase from Benedictine Daily Prayer that grabbed at me this morning)

Richard Rohr or someone I read recently (been doing my share of reading, you know) said that the grace-filled life, this way of spiritual formation, must be grounded in an experience and awareness of God's unfathomable love.
To ponder this love...would, I think, catapult us into a fuller experience of it - where we are more aware and attentive to His love throughout the day.

Ponder the love of the Lord. Ponder. I love that word!

The love of the Lord - where do I see evidence of it? I could look at various material and circumstantial provisions... perhaps He does show His love for us in this way. But it's got to go far beyond this, or we'd have to say He doesn't much love the child soldiers of Africa or the starving masses in Haiti. Perhaps His love is more evident in the many gifts we overlook. The momentary treasures (He is, afterall, found in the Present Moment) that we take for granted (this may sound romanticized, but bear with me)... the feel of the wind on our cheeks, the warmth of the sun on our backs...the gifts of sight and hearing, color and sound. Breath. Oh, what about this idea that He created our bodies to be as dependent on breath as our souls are dependent on Him? Or the knowledge that His longing for full relationship with me is deeper and more cutting than our most severe pangs of homesickness or any other tension we are forced to embrace.

Here….Nouwen knocks ‘em dead every time:
“This inexhaustible love between the Father and the Son includes and yet transcends all forms of love known to us. It includes the love of a father and mother, a brother and sister, a husband and wife, a teacher and friend. Bit it also goes far beyond the many limited and limiting human experiences of love we know. It is a caring yet demanding love. It is a supportive yet severe love. It is a gentle yet strong love. It is a love that gives life yet accepts death. In this divine love Jesus was sent into the world, to this divine love Jesus offered himself on the cross. This all-embracing love, which epitomizes the relationship between the Father and the Son, is a divine Person, coequal with the Father and the Son. It has a personal name. It is called the Holy Spirit.” (Making All Things New 48-49)

Questions in my journal that I plan to follow up on:
-Where do I see evidence of His love throughout the day – in every moment and place?
-If I were to find or create a picture that represents His love (as best I can understand it), what would it be like? What would it in/exclude? What objects, colors, shapes, textures?

Water....to wine!

2008-10-24T07:45:00.002-06:00

In John 2 - the story of Jesus at the wedding in Cana, when he turns water into wine…really good wine. I read it the other day in my Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible, and the footnote really opened things up. Jesus took a rote Jewish purification rite and transformed it into “Communion wine.” He confiscated rigid, perfectionist legalism and replaced it with free, gracious relationship.

The disciplines of the Christian life are not ends in themselves – to be completed just-so and measured by the standard of others’ experience. There is an element of objectivity that is necessary and helpful, but the disciplines are a means to an end – the way we travel in learning the Jesus Way, stepping into a fuller, brighter, more colorful life with God. Subjective relationship…the wine of spontaneous interaction between lovers is what should infuse every aspect of our participation in life – even (especially?) in “religious” activities, where life giving ritual can easily become dead and legalistic attempts at manipulation.

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)… “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and learn to live freely and lightly.”
Rigid structure and standards replaced with Communion wine.
This is the same sort of thing Phoebe Palmer discovered in her journey. She struggled so much with comparing her walk with others’ experiences…she hadn’t lived it the same way others talked about it and she felt she was falling short. Freedom came when she left “religion” and entered “relationship":
"Palmer had constantly gotten in her own way by gauging her progress against an imagined standard of what she was supposed to feel. If religion is experience, she had reasoned, then the test must be the subjective content of that experience. And the standard she employed was based upon the testimonies of others and not upon her own experiences. Finally she learned to trust to faith, which she defined in terms of her understanding of biblical promises. Once she stopped cross-examining her feelings and accepted the possibility that Holiness would come as the Lord dictated and not as she hypothesized, the dam burst." (More about Phoebe Palmer)

“The Christ-in-me identity is not bound to a generic one-size-fits-all program for union with God. The Holy Spirit knows the spiritual practices, relationships, and experiences that best suit our unique communion with God” (Spiritual Disciplines Handbook 19).

Lessons learned in raquetball...so far.

2008-10-23T11:25:00.008-06:00

Ok, so....my brother talked me into taking a raquetball class at the athletic club...haha. Said no at first, but he said he'd pay for it - so what was there to argue with except my own pride? I've never been much of an athlete - too slow on my feet, and my eyes don't get along well with my hands - so I went into it rather....hesitantly. The first class was Tuesday. And again today. It's a challenge, and normally I'd have backed off or not even tried at all. But there's a smidgen of newfound courage in me these days, and I'm actually having fun!
After these first two classes - and with my new MSFL class ("Disciplines of the Spirit"), there are a few things worth noting....

1 - I'm not expected to play like a pro! I'm a beginner...and that's okay. My trainer does not expect immediate greatness -but a good effort and lots of fun. God's the same way, I think. He knows what I am....he knows what I am currently capable of. He also knows what I have the potential to become.
2 - Change comes incrementally. As I practice serving, my trainer helps me tweak the little things I'm doing that prevent me from really doing it well. As I practice receiving, he shows me how to adjust the way I stand, how I hold the racquet. This is similar to what happens when we engage in spiritual disciplines - little (sometimes big!) tweakings. These add up....to major change and total restructuring of how we "play the game."
3 - This desired change in how I play racquetball comes as I spend time with my trainer and with the other students in the class. On the first day of class, we were given printouts of the court layout, rules, etc. Our trainer told us very plainly, "Read 'em if you want, but the only way to really learn it is to get out there and play." The same goes for learning the Jesus Way. There's a place for study and structure...but real change comes when we spend time in relationship with God and others traveling the Way.
4 - Little victories are celebrated. I made a shot this morning that really wasn't all that great - but I did make the shot, and our trainer yelled, "Alright! Great shot, Barbara!!!" It wouldn't be helpful for him to scold me or for me to berate myself for the (many) times I flub things - and it would take a lot of the fun away. So too, as we move into life with the disciplines, small victories are celebrated. Self-condemnation is harmful to the process and sucks the joy completely out of the Journey.
5 - I don't return serves very well....and noticed that often I don't really expect to hit the ball! I figure I'm that bad! :) But because I'm not really thinking I'll hit it, when I do...my grip on the racquet is bad and thus the return is bad. Times that I expect and really intend to hit the ball...the return (sometimes - lol) kicks butt! As we engage in spiritual disciplines, do we really expect change? Do we really believe God will work in us to make the necessary changes?
6 - (there are more points in this than I thought there'd be!) My skills do not improve by comparing myself to others in the class. Our trainer's been playing for years - he's GOOD. My brother's already taken the class before - so he's pretty good. Two other guys in the class are, like, natural athletic types (grrr...). Comparing my skills to theirs gets discouraging pretty quickly! And the same is true of our Journey with God. Others' experiences of the disciplines, God's Precence, etc., are not the standard. There is no standard. There is dynamic, unique relationship (I'll have to follow up on this with another post.....).

Freely, lightly, full of joy......taking baby steps!

Ok....my friend is just too sweet.

2008-10-21T17:47:00.001-06:00

A friend on Facebook posted a note:

"Leave your name in my note comments.Once you do that, this is what I'll do ... (I will respond to you here on my notes page)
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
7. If you play, you MUST post this on your blog.
I'll tag you when I've written my responses."

And I will now do my part. :) Her response....

"1. Your laugh is so infectious. When I hear you laugh I can't help but laugh too!
2. This is a toughie...hmm...I think...XD You're gonna kill me. The Laughing Song!!!!
3. AMOEBA!
4. When Zannie took me to puppet practice and you were so tall...then we did the show together with the frogs and I was the fly you ate. :)
5. You remind me so much of a puppy...you're eager and happy and fun to be around.
6. When are we going to have our movie night? XDD Just kidding, just kidding...how and when did you learn how to play guitar so well?"

See what I mean? Too sweet.

reality check

2008-10-20T14:09:00.002-06:00

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take."

A familiar prayer to most. I always thought it was kinda morbid. Tonight I found out there's a second, not-so-popular verse:
"Our days begin with trouble here,
Our life is but a span,
And cruel death is always near,
So frail a thing is man."

Ah, sweet dreams, my child. But really....how would we live life differently if we were RAISED with a greater awareness that we are "but a breath"?

Butterflies on stampede in my stomach...

2008-10-17T22:38:00.002-06:00

Yeah, ok..... keep breathing, Barb. It really is ok. Right now. Stay in the now. Deeeeeeep breathe.

Our second MSFL class officially opened tonight. Maybe it's just the typical "new class" anxiety, but right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed.

Yesterday I read something really great in Benedictine Daily Prayer. From the Psalms....that He knows me through and through. My resting and my rising. Every purpose in my heart. When I walk or lie down.
"Before ever a word is on my tongue you know it, O Lord, through and through. Behind and before you beseige me, your hand ever laid upon me...
O where can I go from your Spirit, or where can I flee from your face?"
Climb the heavens...
Lie in the grave...
Fly through to dawn...
journey to the end of the world....

Even there Your hand would lead me.

Even here your hand is leading me. Even here.

I am more and more certain...assured...that God is conducting the symphony of my life. When that first class started, He brought the theme of "letting go" before me. It's grown stronger and stronger. The same things I'm studying in my friday group are what this second class is kinda based on - the discipline of submission. Which requires letting go. This theme is coming at me from every direction. From my Fenelon readings, too.
"In this life there is no finished symphony..." But there is a symphony...playing continuously. Conducted by the Divine Hand.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. I am Yours, save me. Free me from care for myself. Let my life be motivated more and more fully only by Your unspeakably great love for me...teach me to love You. To let go of everything else...and love only You.

Yeah....what he said.

2008-10-15T21:06:00.002-06:00

Mmm...a great meditation on poverty at a favorite blog: The Lord, The Blues, and the Art of Being Smooth

Poverty

2008-10-15T14:37:00.003-06:00

Poverty is more than a matter of economics. The roots run deep. It's a lethal force on more than one level. It's more than lack of food. It's more than lack of education. It's more than images of crying faces and hungy bellies on television. Change will require so much more than charity. Systems need to be uprooted, broken down and rebuilt.

I've sponsored kids with Compassion International for a number of years now. Yeah, I send in money. But what Compassion turns around and does with it is truly remarkable. I'm also able to exchange letters and photos with "my" kids...I do little things to let them know they are treasured - that they are absolutely priceless, in my eyes but especially in God's eyes.....and without fail these little ones (Evans, in Kenya; Navya, in India) bless me in ways I can't find words to express. I am reminded of my own selfishness and consumerism, my own pride and hatred........I carry inside myself the seeds of very same weeds that have taken over so much of the world. This is what must change in the system. Hearts. The hearts of presidents and senators, kings and queens, businessmen (and women), teachers, pastors.....you and me. We cannot expect the circumstances imposed on these innocents to change unless we are willing to break out of our own comfort to lay down our lives for them. It's called solidarity. It's called justice. It's called being "God with skin."

Do something. Even something small. If everyone sits back, thows their hands in the air and says, "But I'm just one person!" - nothing will ever change. Shalom....(in the truest, deepest sense of the word).

Desolation?

2008-10-12T17:17:00.003-06:00

Honestly, I have no idea what to write.

There's a lot swirling around inside. The last few days have been characterized by what Ignatius might have called desolation (thank you, Chris, for sharing this link - it's been a lifeline). Without digging too much up - I don't knwo how helpful hashing it all out again would be - here are some of my journalings...perhaps it will be helpful to anyone who might read it.

Hopelessness. Extremely complex thought patterns (trying to figure “me” out). Loss of vision. Emotional ups and downs. Absence of a real sense of His presence. Ick. Desolation? One reason desolation comes is “our own negligence of spiritual discipline. ‘We are tepid and slothful.’” Seems strange to admit this after several weeks of the most deep, life-changing, formational “class” I’ve ever taken. But it’s true, I think.
“In this life there is no finished symphony…”
Has the desolation of the last few days been the fruit of neglecting disciplines that would help me remember this fundamental truth? Disciplines of chastity? In other words, have I been careless in the placement of my hopes and affections?

Bear in mind, Rolheiser (The Holy Longing), isn't looking at chastity as purely to do with sexual abstinence. Rather, he sees it as relating to many and varied aspects of life. Patience is key in his description of chastity. Interestingly, it looks like Ignatius saw patience as key in surviving desolation...

“To be chaste is to experience people, things, places, entertainment, the phases of our lives, and sex in a way that does not violate them or ourselves. To be chaste is to experience things reverently, in such a way that the experience leaves both them and ourselves more, not less, integrated…
…we are chaste when we do not let impatience, irreverence, or selfishness ruin what is a gift by somehow violating it. Conversely, we lack chastity when we cross boundaries prematurely or irreverently, when we violate anything and somehow reduce what it is. Chastity is respect, reverence, and patience. Its fruits are integration, gratitude and joy. Lack of chastity is impatience, irreverence, and violation. Its fruits are disintegration of soul, bitterness, and cynicism” (The Holy Longing 202).
I’m really thinking this is at the root of the complexity of my thought life, the fear of not changing….being driven by desires for my future, becoming the “right” sort of person by the time such-and-such happens. Discontent now to become what I should be by then, if that makes any sense. But…then there’s the nagging question: If I am so discontent now, will it be any different when that time (whatever it may be) comes?

As I'm continuing the readings for class this week, I'm beginning to see that this time of desolation has carried purpose. I have a feeling there will be more blog posts on this topic....

Blank slate

2008-10-08T14:05:00.002-06:00

We must never presume that we see. We must always be ready to see anew. But it's so hard to go back, to be vulnerable, and to say to your soul, "I don't know anything."
Try to say that: "I don't know anything."
Maybe you could think of yourself as an erased blackboard, ready to be written on. For by and large, what blocks spiritual teaching is the assumption that we already know, or that we don't need to know.
We have to pray for the grace of beginner's mind. We need to say with the blind man, "I want to see." ~Richard Rohr

Got this in an email from CAC recently. I've had trouble really absorbing so much of what we're reading and discussing in class. True, it's a lot of information to hold - and the focus isn't really on amassing knowledge. But, I think there's a tendency to kinda "Yeah, yeah"-read a lot. having been raised in church (where, unfortunately, know-it-all attitudes abound), I can read on two different levels. The easiest is to brush over the words...looking at the text as familiar stuff I've heard before. Sometimes I have to very intentionally slow my reading pace and keep in mind - "No, this is fresh and new. God's here reading with me, just waiting to renew my vision for formation, for church, for life."
Reading with the grace of a beginner's mind.

my other blog

2008-10-07T19:57:00.002-06:00

It's still new, but I just needed a place to store the TONS of amazing words coming at me though class readings and various emails. Be prepared for a lot of Nouwen. :)

Words 2 Live By

Paschal Mystery

2008-10-06T17:23:00.004-06:00

Darkness...Suffering...Pain...Death...

...is a living, growing thing,
to be loved and handled
with diligence and grace.

...easily crushed by control,
smashed by resistence,
withered by defensiveness,
shattered by hurry.

...a gift to be loved,
nurtured,
entrusted to the earth
of God's full knowledge and love
to grow in ways
we cannot manipulate
or neatly manage.

ONLY the Maker knows
how to unlock the treasure
hidden within a seed.
Only One is the power
that explodes
sprout,
root,
leaf,
and blossom...
the form of new,
creative,
redemptive Life.

Life lived in the reality of the Paschal Mystery is a cross-shaped life. A life deeply rooted and upward reaching, extended out with open arms in love for others. A creative, redemptive tension compelling me to ascend the exhilarating heights, to explore the darkest depths of life. Root creeping deeper, branches reaching higher.

Pain will come.

Death is certain.

And new life is born.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me. Lead me to the Cross.

"The paschal mystery is the mystery of how we, after undergoing some kind of death, receive new life and new spirit....It begins with suffering and death, moves on to the reception of new life, spends some time grieving for the old and adjusting to the new, and finally, only after the old life has been truly let go of, is new spirit given for the life we are already living....The paschal mystery is the secret to life. Ultimately our happiness depends upon properly undergoing it" (The Holy Longing 146-48).

This is very, very deep....and very, very wide. I need to soak in all of this for a while.

Broken record

2008-10-02T16:22:00.006-06:00

Been thinking more about the whole "letting go" thing (yeah, still). Sounds like a broken record - but a good one.

Got home from work and played around some with Bunter (my brother's English bulldog puppy) in the hallway. He's got this toy...he loves it. It's (was) a green plastic ball. Bunter lost no time in crushing it into a flat, chewed, crumpled thing. Anyway. Home from work. Hallway. We play this game - he's standing midway through the hall with Green Thing in his mouth (can't really get his teeth into it 'cause it's hard plastic). I'm at the open end of the hall.....creeping toward him, saying slowly, "I...gonna...gets...it....!" (yeah, it has to be those words) - and he freaks out and goes running as fast and far away from me as he can (to other side of the hall...oops, dead end). Hides his face in the corner and waits for me to get close enough to slip around me and go to the other end of the hall. He must be thinking, "Yeah the heck you're gonna gets it! Victory!!!" And the game begins again. If at any point in the game I decide to grab a different toy out of his basket, watch out!

I wonder if we, like Bunter, have our little toys and want to keep them safe in the confines of our slobbering jowls. The toys really aren't worth a whole lot....but they're ours. And we'll do whatever we have to do to keep them like that.

Thinking back on some discussion in class....we're wondering why? Why are we soooo intrigued with this idea of running the cosmos? Could it be simply that we, like Adam and Eve, have this screwball impulse to play God? It seems soooooo stupid to try managing all these little things of our lives, somehow imagining that we can do it better than He can. It makes so much sense to hand it over to someone big enough to take care of it all. So why? Why do we hang on to our control of things? Maybe Fenelon's words are helpful here...

Homesick at home.

2008-10-01T18:30:00.003-06:00

I'm feeling homesick. Homesick at home. Really. It's loads of fun. What do you do with that? It's so weird...
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not mean the universe is a fraud…earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing" ~CS Lewis
Maybe that's what it is. I don't know how else to explain it. Feels like crap. Maybe I just need to spend a little me n' God time. I guess it has been a bit of a fragmented day.

impatience

2008-09-30T15:50:00.003-06:00

"To become impatient is to want what we do not have, and not to want what we do have. In so doing, the soul is handed over to its passions, and neither reasoning nor faith can hold it back, so trouble is it. Such weakness! Such swerving away from the right path!
As long as we desire the soul-sickness that brings us suffering - to us it is not sickness - why would we make our sickness a reality by ceasing to desire it?
Inner peace exists not in the flesh but in the will. We can hold onto peace in the midst of the most violent suffering, as long as the will remains firm and submissive to God despite its abhorrence of the situation. Peace on this earth consists in accepting the things that are contrary to our desires, not in being exempted from suffering them, nor in being delivered from all temptations."
~Fenelon

Ha! What can I add to that?! I just keep running into this stuff. Letting go, surrender, submission, losing control....ya' think God's talkin' to me?

2008-09-30T12:45:00.004-06:00

What is it that makes me think that I'm handling things on my own? People issues, work tasks, pressure to be "creative," family stuff, church problems.......it's all very, very heavy for a person who is waaaaaay too small to shoulder the load.
Letting go has been (and still is) a strong theme over the last few weeks. It makes so much sense, really. And wouldn't it make life a lot more fun? My brother teases me that I have a stunted sense of humor - or sporadic at least. And it's no wonder....afterall, if all the problems in the world are mine to carry, manage, manipulate, and express an opinion about, there wouldn't be much to laugh at.
Sabbath...I have a feeling this is step one. It's something I make half-hearted attempts at, but I heard Rob Bell talk about it some in Velvet Elvis. For one whole day....."produce" nothing, "accomplish" nothing, grasp for nothing but enjoying God, his world, and his love for me? Ohhh...that would be a breath of fresh air! Do I have the guts to actually DO this? I think.....I do.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

(Ok...I just thought I'd note: there is nothing pretty or easy about this prayer. It's a tough call to a radical life....of peace. :)

Ordinary Sacraments...again.

2008-09-27T16:59:00.004-06:00

Ohhh....another quote from Nouwen: "When God took on flesh in Jesus Christ, the uncreated and the created, the eternal and the temporal, the divine and the human became united. This unity meant that all that is mortal now points to the immortal, all that is finite now points to the infinite. In and through Jesus all creation has become like a splendid veil, through which the face of God is revealed to us.This is called the sacramental quality of the created order. All that is is sacred because all that is speaks of God's redeeming love. Seas and winds, mountains and trees, sun, moon, and stars, and all the animals and people have become sacred windows offering us glimpses of God."

In a time of worship last night - alone - I was graced with one of those experiences of...just knowing His love. Reading in John 1 (such an amazing expression of His love) this morning, in the Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible, the footnotes asked: How does it impact the way we live out our creation to recognize it as the work not only of the Father, but of the entire trinity?

God the Father shows great love in creating us. And I am in no way trying to "down-play" this role....but I am particularly struck by the roles of God the Son and God the Spirit, The expression of God's love though the Incarnation communicates the great worth of our flesh-and-bone existence. Our lives here and now are not worthless, but priceless. The deep expression of love and trust in sending the Holy Spirit (thus designating us as the ongoing incarnation of Christ in the world - go chew on that for a while) adds infinitely more to the reality of Jesus' life on earth. Drolling through our lives with a religious emphasis on "heaven when we die" or on the "rapture," and overlooking the beauty and value of life here and now, regardless of the filth and pain that often comes with it...is an insult to His love for us!

If we really believed this...how would it change the ways we engage in life on a day to day basis?

Ordinary Sacraments

2008-09-26T09:25:00.002-06:00

"Sacraments are very specific events in which God touches us through creation and transforms us into living Christs." ~Henri Nouwen

I long for the depth and fruitfulness of life seen in Brother Lawrence, Frank Laubach, and others like them. Where ordinary life is consistently lived as a sacrament - channels through which God touches our hearts, speaks into our lives, and does his transforming work. The "daily grind" holds potential for becoming every bit as holy and sacred as the Eucharist. We are, after all, the ongoing incarnation of God in the world.

2008-09-25T12:40:00.003-06:00

Ohhhh, gotta get my hands on this. I had found the site a while back, but it was still in progress...Thanks for setting it back in front of me, Christianne!

The Ordinary Radicals - Trailer from Jamie Moffett on Vimeo.

What's in a name?

2008-09-24T21:59:00.003-06:00

Growing up I was never really crazy about my name(s). It seemed like my friends had "cool" names....like Nicole or Alexis or Brittany. I've done some research....and rather changed my mind about my name.
First name is Hebrew, meaning: foreign/stranger, traveler from a foreign land
Middle name #1 is German, meaning: famous warrior (hmm...)
Middle name #2 is English, the fem. form of "John", meaning: God/Jehovah has been gracious
Last name is English, meaning: from the long meadow (path/roadway)

What about you? God likes names. He bestows them...he changes them - they mean something. They represent who we are.

Here's a random bit of silliness (I'm tired, it's been a long day, I could use some silliness:o).....other name options:
Bramblerose Bunce of Brockenborings (from a Hobbit name generator)
Slick Tony Moretti (pirate name generator)
Ingrid Ze Insightful (Harry Potter name generator)

Hmm...*grin* G'nite.

Jedidiah

2008-09-24T09:39:00.003-06:00

Found this via Relevant Magazine yesterday....it's exciting to see businesses buiding stronger foundations in social justice.

Jedidiah Clothing: Who We Are from Jedidiah Clothing on Vimeo.

Innovative spirituality?

2008-09-23T11:07:00.002-06:00

Doing a little research on creativity for the quarterly newsletter (at work), I've stumbled across this bit from Wikipedia....

"Creativity is typically used to refer to the act of producing new ideas, approaches or actions, while innovation is the process of both generating and applying such creative ideas in some specific context.
In the context of an organization, therefore, the term innovation is often used to refer to the entire process by which an organization generates creative new ideas and converts them into novel, useful and viable commercial products, services, and business practices, while the term creativity is reserved to apply specifically to the generation of novel ideas by individuals or groups, as a necessary step within the innovation process."

I wonder how this translates to spiritual formation? The ideas aren't historically novel, in that we're talking about practices that have been cultivated for thousands of years. But as we learn about these practices, these means of being conformed to His likeness, they are new for us. They are old ideas, planted freshly in our minds....like prayer of the heart, silent prayer, solitude, service, fasting, secrecy. Innovation moves us from talking about the ideas to experimenting with them. A classmate said it well this week: "It is not enough to stand on the other side of the gate simply admiring the view of what lays beyond."
There's a time to get up "off your arse" and just do it.

Contemplative prayer is like....

2008-09-22T19:45:00.001-06:00

Contemplative prayer beckons me to loosen my strangle-hold on life. It whispers of a freedom, intimacy and joy in life that I have only barely tasted – a life of seeing and knowing God and others for who they are, instead of what I demand them to be. This life is….(gulp) just over the cliff. All I have to do is let go. Let go of managing my schedule, my health, my friendships, my relationship with God. Letting go of the many words and feral thought-life that plague me. Simple, right?

The problem is that this “managed” life is sooooo real to me. Like the cliff. Rock solid and “safe.” I don’t know what’s over the cliff! I only know that it appears to be a very long way down. And what will happen to my tidy packaging of life if I take the leap? Over the cliff can be a frightening place.

But that is where the light shines. And in those moments of solitude and silent prayer…those times when the Jesus Prayer settles so sweetly in my heart and trickles into the air around me…those seconds when typing emails at work becomes a holy sacrament…that is when I know that in letting go, in putting my full weight into the fall, I’ll find a Hand. Simple, silent, and still. It catches me gently and there I am held above the raging waters, finally free to be my true self, to love others as they are, and to live intimately with my Abba.

So my grip loosens…my shoulders relax…and with Luther’s prayer (“I am Yours, save me!”) as my only remaining “defense,” my hands open and I’m falling.

Lord, free me from care for myself.

Kidz Church

2008-09-21T20:47:00.004-06:00

I had forgotten until yesterday that, with Mom preaching today, it would be my day to do Kidz Church. Not a big deal really, but....well, I had a day to get ready. So many times when I do Kidz Church alone, things fall sooooo flat. It's just very difficult to keep the attention of so many kids with such a wide age-range (about 3 to 14).

We've got Kidz Church scheduled to follow Foster's six Traditions - we do two months on each stream. We're on the Evangelical Tradition. Was it a coincidence that I recently finished Foster's chapter on this stream? I was going to grab an easy out - show a Veggie Tales or something, but decided not to. The first things Foster said should be done in practicing the Evangelical Tradition is to "get to know our Bibles." Well, how can you possibly do that with a bunch of kids who seem to loose interest at the very sight of a book, not to mention a rather thick book lacking pictures?

I cracked open Calhoun's Spiritual Disciplines Handbook....what a rich resource!! She's got a section on memorizing scripture....so I took that idea, along with all the scriptures and ideas she included in the section....and did what I could to set it in a "kid friendly" framework.

So....we (myself, a friend, and about ten kiddos) gathered around my laptop to look at pictures and talk about things we've memorized. We learned that memorizing stuff can be both easy and fun, and we looked at three reasons why we memorize words out of the Bible: it's a cure for boredom (the whole wandering mind problem), it gives us tools for life (watched a clip from Nim's Island), and...just 'cause it tastes good (we had some reeeeally yummy cookies to help us understand this). Then we worked together on a memory verse: "God, I love your words! I can't stop thinking about them!" Ps. 119:97. We paired the kids up, an older kid with a younger one, and had them work on writing our the verse and going over it with each other....and we played memory games to help us remember the verse.
I'm delighted to say....we had a blast.
Thanks, God.

Random thoughts

2008-09-19T15:02:00.003-06:00

Help! The motorcycles are invading my town!!

Seriously.

This weekend is the big bike rally. Ick. Good for some people, but for me....uh-uh. I live near a major highway, I work near a major highway, I drive from home to work on a major highway in a car that has no air-conditioning (sooo....window down if I want to breathe). Fun, fun.

On a...quieter note, we're talking in class about contemplative prayer. Everything I'm reading about it, in books or on the discussion boards, whether I've heard it before or not, is bringing the contemplative tradition alive for me. The frustrating part is that my mind isn't big enough to hold all the information!! And when you're talking about contemplation, you're talking about not having a mind so busy with finding connections and applications...but a quiet mind that nurtures a quiet heart. I want to live a contemplative life....not just know lots of cool words about it.

On yet another note - Mom stopped by (at my work) and dropped off a box from Amazon! (I'm a junkie. I need Amazon-Anon) I got Adele Calhoun's Spiritual Disciplines Handbook (for my next class) and Frank Laubach's Prayer, The Mightiest Force in the World. Having been so focused on the contemplative tradition, my mind has repeatedly been brought back to Laubach's life and work. I figured I'd explore some of his writings beyond the letters to his father.
Hmm....not that I needed any more books. I've got more books than I can handle as it is. Erasmus once said......"When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes." That is sooooo literally me.

Mojo Wisdom

2008-09-17T18:03:00.006-06:00

Mojo (for those of you wondering who this is, he is hands down the coolest professor I've had in my life) said something in class today....and I just had to share part of it. We're discussing contemplative prayer and lectio divina, a contemplative approach to reading Scripture. Here we go.....

"What is the relationship between head and heart—between information and transformation? For Augustine, conversion was not a matter of the intellect. He believed Christianity was true, he simply couldn’t do it. Peter Kreeft in Christianity for Modern Pagans insists: 'Christianity is not a hypothesis, it is a proposal of marriage.' (That’s my quote of the decade ;o). It is a matter of covenant commitment and submission, in other words, not of some intellectual formulae. 'You are reading?' queries Jerome. 'No. Your betrothed is talking to you, that is Christ, who is united with you.' Lectio is about passion, the burning longing and Eros Rolheiser alerts us to. 'Didn’t our hearts burn within us,' ask the two disciples who met Jesus on the Emmaus road. 'Didn’t they burn within us—when?—when he opened the Word to us, when he led us to the deeper understanding about the Christ.'"

A marriage propsal! My betrothed talking to me! Makes me want to go spend some time with the Scriptures.....

After a rain shower

2008-09-17T18:03:00.003-06:00

Sitting out on the front porch for the tail end of a rain shower...spent some time in silent prayer and just listening to the sounds...Jesus, of course, was sitting in the chair next to me. :o)
When the rain was falling, everything actually seemed quieter. As it stopped, the sounds of traffic on the highway (motors running and tires swishing over the wet pavement) and chainsaws running (at the new "bear mall" across the street) took over. But even with that it's possible to find silence. Listening carefully....you can "peel back" a layer of sound to reveal another and another and another....until you really can hear the silence from which all these sounds emerge. This sounds crazy, doesn't it? Oh well. If I gotta loose my mind, it'd be better to loose it on the front porch in God's Presence than anxious and busy on the job or...whatever.
Back to the layers...
Peel back the most obvious sounds...and you can hear the phone ringing in the house and water coming off the roof to splash rather noisily into the grass. Peel that back...you can hear birds twittering. Peel that back....you hear your own breathing. Take it deeper and deeper...until you're finally aware of this constant undertone of silence. It's really there! Listen to it for a minute or two and you'll find your body relaxing, your mind and heart opening up....and there's peace. And joy. And contentment.
...then a motorcycle brooooooooommmmms through the quiet.
But can the body, mind, and heart continue to rest in the silence in the midst of outward noise?

The deconstructive effects of silence/solitude

2008-09-15T10:13:00.005-06:00

"When we discover ourselves "hidden with Christ in God," we don't need any kind of self-image at all. I hope this doesn't sound too esoteric, because it isn't; it's what happens in true prayer.
This is what will happen when we expose ourselves to silence and stop exposing ourselves to the judgments of the world; when we stop continuously "picking up" the energy of others; when we stop thinking about what others think of us and what they take us to be. We are who we are in God—no more and no less." ~Richard Rohr

I usually thing of silence as....quiet. There's inner silence, outer silence....there's even a sort of an undertone of silence that can be heard regardless of the noises going on around you. But it's even more than this. Mulholland (Invitation to a Journey) defines silence as "the deep inner reversal of that grasping, controlling mode of being that so characterizes life in our culture...relinquishing to God our control of our relationship with God"(pp 136-137). Nouwen (Way of the Heart) says that silence keeps us from becoming entangled in the world, from extinguishing the inner fire of God's Spirit, and from slipping into the wasteful use of words that is so prevalent in our world.

Solitude has a more outward quality to it. Going to a place apart...alone. But it is even more than this. Both Mulholland and Nouwen look at solitude as an unmasking of sorts. The (sometimes painful) tearing away of the many faces, fluffs and scaffolds wrenched, hammered, and soaked into us by the surrounding culture/society. It is the "furnace of transformation," where all that is not truly me is incinerated, completely demolished. Gee. Sounds like fun.

Silence, Nouwen says, is solitude in action - solitude taken out of a place apart and carried into the daily grind. Silence "completes and intensifies" solitude. So they are inseparably linked. And they work together at the task of creative demolition. What a beautiful mess.

Spiritual Formation.....one definition.

2008-09-11T15:34:00.002-06:00

Spiritual Formation is the ongoing incarnation of Jesus though a graceful emerging of His character and life in, through and around us.

In response to God’s love for us, with Christ as the example, we live to conform to the will of God. But, it is not by our own will or strength, but by the Spirit of God working in us, daily working out our Salvation. Thus, we grow into the relationship God has called us to, with Him, and with the community before, around, and ahead of us. Amongst these relationships we live out God’s call to serve, understanding that service is an outpouring of the work God is doing in us. This way of life, is one that brings life. God is offering it, it our responsibility to choose it.

There are 7 components of this formation:

1. Transformation – a journey of being transformed into the image of Jesus, with humility, gratitude, obedience and trustworthiness ("until Christ is formed in you." Gal 4:19b) (Genesis 1:26 “. . . Let us make man in our image. . .”)

2. Conformation – conforming to the will of God in obedience; living an incarnate life, seeking a different path, a complete change ("For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son ... " Romans 8:29) ("If you love me, you will obey what I command." Jn 14:15) (Romans 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world . . .)

3. By the Spirit –with the grace-filled Spirit of God working in us ("continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Phil 2:12-13)

4. Relationship - growing into a relationship with God, with our neighbors, and with a church community. Because “we are Christ’s body”, and we are the “skin” of God here on earth, this community is a central and essential aspect of faith and formation. ("Love the Lord your God with all your heart. . . Love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:30&31) ( … "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" Eph 5:21) ( … "Let us consider how we may spur one another on. . . let us encourage one another" Heb 10:24&25)

5. For the sake of others - becoming in the image of One who gave Himself completely, absolutely and unconditionally for others ("love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:31 … "My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one. . ." John 15:12&13) One responsibility as we grow is to "radiate the compassion and love of God... in our actions" (HL, 102). "The last thing that Jesus asked of us before he ascended, was that we go to all peoples and nations and preach his presence" (HL, 102).

6. Engaged – a process in which we much be involved, active, and receptive to God’s Word, leading, and will (". . continue to work out your salvation. . . it is God who works in you. . . Phil 2:12b & 13 … ".) (. . let us throw off everything that hinders. . . and let us run with perseverance. . . Heb. 12:1b) ( … "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised" Heb 10:36) Part of this engagement component is a disciplined life – using and developing spiritual disciplines for growth; releasing ourselves in a consistent manner to God for His transforming work in our lives ("Take my yoke upon you, my yoke is easy and my burden is light" Matt 11:29 & 30) ( . . ."live a life worthy of the calling you have received" Eph 4:1) (James 1: 2 - 4 "Consider it pure joy . . . so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything")

7. Wholistic: "channeling our energies/longings – the fire inside - to bring integration and wholeness; saying 'yes' to God at each point of unlikeness; nurturing preference and shadow sides; coming out of our brokenness into wholeness in Christ" ("Forgetting what is behind and straining for what is ahead, I press on . . ." Phil 3:13b & 14) (". . . become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ" Eph 4:13b)

(This is the definition my team came up with this week.....Go BLUE!)

Aw, yeeeaaahh...

2008-09-11T15:31:00.002-06:00

I just got my plaaaaaaaane tickets for the first January residency (J-term). We got some of the details yesterday....it's going to be amazing. The speakers/leaders, the place (Philadelphia)....and the people - my cohort members and I will be meeting face-to-face for the first time. That is exciting.

2008-09-07T20:14:00.000-06:00

"Everything we do spiritually is to help wake us from slumbering forgetfulness."
~MoJo

...treasure from an Irish poet.

2008-09-06T22:51:00.005-06:00

On its way through the innocent night,

The moth is ambushed by the light,

Becomes glued to a window

Where a candle burns; its whole self,

Its dreams of flight and all desire

Trapped in one glazed gaze;

Now nothing else can satisfy

But the deadly beauty of flame.

When you lose the feel

For all other belonging

And what is truly near

Becomes distant and ghostly,

And you are visited

And claimed by a simplicity

Sinister in its singularity,

No longer yourself, your mind

And will owned and steered

From elsewhere now,

You would sacrifice anything

To dance once more to the haunted

Music with your fatal beloved

Who owns the eyes of your heart.

These words of blessing cannot

Reach, even as echoes,

To the shore of where you are,

Yet may they work without you

To soften some slight line through

To the white cave where

Your soul is captive.

May some glimmer

Of outside light reach your eyes

To help you recognize how

You have fallen for a vampire.

May you crash hard and soon

Onto real ground again

Where this fundamentalist

Shell might start to crack

For you to hear

Again your own echo.

That your lost lonesome heart

Might learn to cry out

For the true intimacy

Of love that waits

To take you home

To where you are known

And seen and where

Your life is treasured

Beyond every frontier

Of despair you have crossed.

(The blessing: John O'Donohue's "For an Addict" ~ The image: my creation, symbolic of so many thoughts swirling in my mind this week)

waking up

2008-09-06T22:38:00.003-06:00

Something in me has been "sleepy" for so long. Inattentive. Bland. But now....I feel like I'm slowly coming awake.
The reading I've been doing for class has certainly been part of it. But I am moved to tears as I think about the community developing in our online classroom. There is such openness... received with such love. As I read others' thoughts on the dicussion boards, I begin to see that so many things I have struggled with are not completely unique to me. I'm not alone in my weaknesses, my desires. Some of the posts have even opened my eyes to struggles/desires in me...that I didn't realize I had! What grace. Oh God, we are broken. Make us worthy vessels for your Spirit. Teach us to receive your grace and turn again to pour it out for each other.

If I had a year to live...

2008-09-05T21:25:00.003-06:00

Dr. Mojo (my professor) asked this question yesterday. It's been on my mind a lot.

If I had a year to live, I would...
-Stop comparing myself to others and instead ask How is God speaking to me through this person?...And worry much less about what people think of me...and more about other people and their needs.
-Talk less, listen more...attentively.
-Make (particularly family) relationships right before God.
-Spend a lot more time with God and with others - that whole being/doing thing again!
-Publish a kids' story that's been sitting on my desk for a couple years.
-Take dance lessons.
-Cancel my health insurance :)

It's hard to really put yourself in this frame of mind, you know? It shouldn't be, though...since life really is a fragile thing and every breath a gift. It should be near the surface of our awareness continually. Teach us, dear Lord, to number our days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

New look!

2008-09-02T13:28:00.002-06:00

My blog got a face lift! This look is so much more...me.

Bleed Into One

2008-09-02T13:10:00.002-06:00

This was on a friend's blog...I have to wonder when Christians are going to stop protesting things and start being what the world needs.

SAU - Week Two?!

2008-09-02T08:35:00.003-06:00

Starting my third week already. Week 1 was orientation...getting used to the interface, where to find things, etc. I've taken so many online classes before that it's coming easily. And my job situation is such that I can check the discussion boards before the new posts pile up on me. I feel kinda guilty, really....so many in the class have been struggling with the technology aspect of it and with having so many new posts to read - feeling very overwhelmed. I don't know how to help.

This week's reading was in Invitation to a Journey, Streams of Living Water, and Out of Solitude. Rich, rich, rich! I wish I'd kept better notes. Oh, well. I'll begin again on the week three readings.
The assignment this week is to write, submit, and discuss our Personal/Spiritual Profile and Narrative. A spiritual autobiography of sorts. I thoroughly enjoyed writing it...there was a lot of digging around, and some of it hurt. Some things I really, really, really, really didn't want to post in front of the whole class, but that couldn't be ignored as a major spiritual turning point in my life. In the interest of authenticity and brokenness, I "let it all hang out."

Starting the reading for next week now...in The Holy Longing and Invitation to a Journey. We'll be defining "spiritual formation".....and it only gets better!!

Thank you, Abba, for leading me to this path. Strengthen my friends and me by your grace to enter Your Community...to breathe in the readings and let them infuse our daily living.

Standing By

2008-09-01T17:15:00.002-06:00

In Rembrandt’s painting of the prodigal, the character(s) I identify with may vary from day to day, moment to moment, depending on who I am with, what I am doing, my hormonal balance, the weather conditions, and just about anything else! Sometimes I feel the brokenness of the prodigal; sometimes the anger and judgment of the brother; and every once in a while I offer someone the love of the Father. Overall, though, I am generally the man in the very back. Hidden. Awkward. Not quite fitting in anywhere. Looking on the scene with longing. Learning by others’ actions the value of being “defective,” wrecked, broken.

Who are you?

Faith

2008-08-29T15:07:00.003-06:00

In an ongoing conversation with friends, I've been thinking some about faith. What is faith?
Hebrews 11:1 is typically the verse cited when a definition is needed. So I looked it up in several versions...
When we read words like substance, evidence, assurance, conviction, and proof, do we assume that faith = certainty, absence of doubt? If this is faith, then either we must admit we are a hopeless cause or we must deny simple facts of reality.
What if faith is more than this? We may say it is, but do our lives reflact that reality?

"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see."

Hebrews 11:1, the Message

What if faith is trust? There will probably still be darkness, and perhaps nothing - not even the smallest light - to lead us on. But it does not shake our confidence that the Lord is my shepherd. In Waking, Matthew Sanford writes, "Stop moving...let the eyes adust...allow for stillness...then see what's possible."

Believing Abba is big enough to work within our current limitations...

First "official" day of class at SAU...

2008-08-25T08:14:00.006-06:00

John O'Donohue's blessing "For a New Beginning" - A near-perfect expression of my heart...and a prayer for all beginning this journey together:

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

Out of Solitude - Part 3

2008-08-23T16:49:00.001-06:00

John 16:16-22
True and deep caring for others can be painful. It does not make for an easy life. We do not have within ourselves adequate resources to sustain such a life over the long haul. As we immerse ourselves in the pain and suffering of others, we must cling to hope – confident expectation that redemption will come.
“Without expectation, care easily degenerates into a morbid preoccupation with pain and gives more occasion for common complaints than for the formation of community (p. 53).”

Expectation as Patience
“…What seems a hindrance becomes a way; what seems an obstacle becomes a door; what seems a misfit becomes a cornerstone (p. 55)… That is the great conversion in our life: to recognize and believe that the many unexpected events are not just disturbing interruptions of our projects, but the way in which God moulds our hearts and prepares us for his return (p. 56).”
Expectation – hope – gives strength to climb the mountains of suffering we embark on when we commit to care. The caring is, then, a passage of sorts. A transition. A movement from one way of life to another; one realm to another. A passage requires patience and perseverance. So many stories tell us how the characters are transformed – usually through difficulty of some kind – into a whole new way of being. Images come to mind of the difficult journey for Frodo and Sam as they travel through Mordor to take the ring to Mount Doom. They persevere, they keep going, and they have hope.
Patience is necessary even when circumstances are not overtly painful. When things don’t turn out as we expected, or when our lives seem utterly boring and off-track – these are also times that we must look up in hope and press on with patience.
But what comes first? There is no patience without hope, but can there truly be hope without patience? “…patience is the mother of expectation (p. 59).”

Expectation as Joy
“A man or woman without hope in the future cannot live creatively in the present (p. 59).”
By patience and perseverance we know that our hopes will come to pass. This sets joy in our hearts! When we have something to look forward to, the dull dreariness of today fades – things look brighter. Nouwen compares it to receiving a letter from a loved one, with news that we will see each other soon. There is expectation and joy (probably accompanied by a sudden awareness of the impending housecleaning tasks). Without the joy of our hopes, our patience will be very short-lived.
“…Our intimate relationship with God can become deeper and more mature while we wait patiently in expectation for his return (p. 61).”

Out of Solitude - Part 2

2008-08-23T15:55:00.003-06:00

Henri Nouwen's three meditations on the Christian life presented in this little book seem so simple - and so deep. The book is divided into three sections: Out of Solitude, With Care, and In Expectation. Here are my thoughts on the second part:

Mark 6:32-44
The knee-jerk response of seeing need, pain, suffering is to seek change – a cure. “What we do not see and do not want to see is care: the participation in the pain, the solidarity in suffering, the sharing in the experience of brokenness (p. 35).
Being with the people in their pain. This idea of care is evident in the life and work of Mother Teresa, whose homes for the dying created a place for the people of Calcutta to face death held by loving, caring hands. There is a time for action, for demanding change, for seeking a cure. “…Cure without care is as dehumanizing as a gift given with a cold heart (p. 36).” Care must be the foundation for all action taken to cure.

Care
In Beyond Borders, Dr. Callahan (played by Clive Owen) has been living in Ethiopia conducting relief efforts during the famine in the 1980s. Sarah Beauford (Angelina Jolie) has been introduced to the needs and inspired to take action for change. Dr. Callhan helps the naïve but well-meaning woman to see things differently:
“What’s the first thing you do when you get a cold?”
“Uh... chicken soup, aspirin, scotch...”
“You never just have the cold?”

“I don't know what…”

“Taken nothing. Just have the cold?”

“No.”
“No, and that's us, right? We drown it. Kill it. Numb it, anything not to feel. You know, when I was a doctor in London, no one ever said 'medahani'. They don't thank you like they thank you here. Cos here they feel everything, straight from God. There's no drugs, no painkillers. It's the weirdest, purest thing - suffering…”

Dr. Callahan’s insight came from first-hand experience in caring for the Ethiopian people. Following the word care to its roots, it means “to grieve, to experience sorrow, to cry out with”(Nouwen, p. 37). It is to admit that we do not understand, we do not know what to say or how to fix it. Words are often unnecessary; we are simply present to the other person. Cure without care is abused power – we are only trying to manipulate and control the situation.

Community and Care
How can form caring communities? For starters, we’ve got to get over this ridiculous idea that “I’m only one person…I can’t make any significant difference.” If every person believed this, our world would be devoid of both care and cure. We do not need special training to care for those placed in our path. We must simply do it. But we don’t. Why?
Henri Nouwen asks this question in such a way that the answer begins to emerge:
“Why is it we keep that great gift of care so deeply hidden? Why is it that we keep giving dimes without daring to look into the face of the beggar? Why is it that we do not join the lonely eater in the dining hall but look for those we know so well? Why is it that we so seldom knock on a door or grab a phone, just to say hello, just to show that we have been thinking about each other? Why are smiles still hard to get and words of comfort so difficult to come by? Why is it so hard to express thanks to a teacher, admiration to a student, and appreciation to the men and women who cook, clean, and garden? Why do we keep bypassing each other always on the way to something or someone more important (p. 43)?”
Are we afraid of how we will appear to others? Are our schedules so fully booked that we simply have no time for our fellow human beings? Do we have our own ideas of what things and people should be?
Care requires “the honest recognition and confession of our human sameness (p. 45).” This is the basis of true community. As true community is conceived and nurtured, these communities will naturally be caring to those “outside” of the community.

Out of Solitude - Part 1

2008-08-23T13:53:00.003-06:00

Henri Nouwen's three meditations on the Christian life presented in this little book seem so simple - and so deep. The book is divided into three sections: Out of Solitude, With Care, and In Expectation. Here are my thoughts on the first part:

Mark 1:32-39
Action is born out of solitude. Time alone gives rise to effective ministry. “Surrounded by hours of moving, we find a moment of quiet stillness (Nouwen, p. 17).” We are to cultivate a lonely place within, where only our Father has access – where he rests in the midst of every storm.

Our Life in Action
“…although the desire to be useful can be a sign of mental and spiritual health in out goal-oriented society, it can also become a source of a paralyzing lack of self-esteem (pp. 21-22).”
It is all too easy to define our worth (or worthlessness) according to the success (or failure) of our actions – as perceived by ourselves and others through the lens of the norm. We emphasize success, yet we live our lives in constant fear that the real us will be discovered – that others will see us for what we really are: “not as smart, as good, or as lovable as the world was made to believe (p. 23).” We give ourselves over to – and are enslaved by – the illusions we have constructed around ourselves. Adaptation is mistaken for intention, seduction for reality (Young, p. 123).

Our Life in Solitude
“A life without a lonely place, that is, a life without a quiet center, easily becomes destructive (Nouwen, p. 25).”
Solitude is defined as the state of being or living alone; remoteness from habitations; a lonely unfrequented place; absence of human activity (Dictionary.com). In such a place, we can learn to rest free from the compulsion to define ourselves by what we can grab, conquer, claim. We can become open and receptive, defining our lives in gratitude by what is given to us. This frees us to give and share, rather than take and defend. It loosens our grip on the world and the world’s grip on us. We learn to see worth as distinctly other than usefulness. Results and success loose their power over us.
By nature of the fact that we are born into this world and are continuously surrounded and fed by it, we love our world. Solitude sets a healthy distance between us and the world, allowing us to see it more objectively – revealing its false realities.

Passages

2008-08-22T10:11:00.005-06:00

Death is a passage to new life. That sounds very beautiful, but few of us desire to make this passage. It might be helpful to realise that our final passage is preceded by many earlier passages. When we are born we make a passage from life in the womb to life in the family. When we go to school we make a passage from life in the family to life in the larger community. When we get married we make a passage from a life with many options to a life committed to one person. When we retire we make a passage from a life of clearly defined work to a life asking for new creativity and wisdom. Each of these passages is a death leading to new life. When we live these passages well, we are becoming more prepared for our final passage.
~Daily Meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society

What passage(s) am I making at this point in my life? School is the biggie for me right now...but are there less obvious passages-more easily overlooked? The gradual increase in my involvement on the job; stepping further (also very gradually) into the unfamiliar territory of adulthood; even small changes in attitude toward present circumstances and the people around me.
Am I living these passages well - with attention to the Present Moment, awareness of my utter helplessness and need of God, and great hopes for what is to come?
How will I allow these passages to shape me?
In what ways can I be with others as these changes take place?

Burning in my heart

2008-08-21T14:40:00.004-06:00

Beyond Borders...a 2003 film starring Clive Owen and Angelina Jolie - I watched it last night. The second half seemed to be more...Hollywood-ish, but the first half, and the whole movie overall, was rather jolting. Especially the scenes of famine in Ethiopia...the faces of the people...the babies. So many dying. Raw suffering. Pure need.

Jeremiah 5:27-31...Read it this morning. What a perfect, sickening depiction of what we have become. We have our own "prophets" who "prophecy falsely," and local leaders and congregations who gobble it up as Gospel truth. You hear today's prosperity preachers talking about the good life and great wealth God's just waiting to dump on us...when we already live in such abundance....yet we have "grown fat and sleek...and do not judge with justice the cause of the orphan, to make it prosper...[or]defend the rights of the needy."

Compare this...

To this...

We pursue affluence and luxury under the guise of seeking God's blessing...and neglect the starving, oppressed lives all around us. This should put fire in our bellies...

Birthdays!

2008-08-16T11:58:00.002-06:00

Happy birthday to Mom (Aug 13) and Sam(today)!! Two people who are very, very precious to me. John O'Donohue calls a birthday "the echoing-day of your birth"...
Today we're off to celebrate!

Christ's words to me...

2008-08-15T15:10:00.004-06:00

(Put your name in place of mine...I'm pretty sure He'd like to say this to you as well.)

Barbara, I love you. Not "if" or "but." I love you more fully, more deeply than you will ever imagine. Being with you constantly and teaching you, helping you to be increasingly sensitive to those inner leanings - the whisperings of Holy Spirit - brings such joy to my heart. I'm not mad at you or even wishing you could be other than what you are. I only see you and love you as you are and am so excited to be with you as you grow in your likeness to our Father.
I love you, Barbara...I love you! And I soooo deeply desire your growth and transformation. This is our journey together. You're not alone. Hold my hand. Be in me. Let me wrap myself around you and be in you. Don't try to change yourself. You are precious to me, and I know you inside and out. I see the reality and fullness of what you are and I still love and hold you. So when you see something in yourself that is frightening and sinful...don't turn to resistance and rejection...but to prayer, supplication, thanksgiving, humility.
This is your life. Accept it. Receive it. And rest in me. Together we'll see your heart come to glorious union with our Father.

Afternoon thoughts....still at work.

2008-08-14T15:35:00.002-06:00

I'm unsettled. Or maybe I'm settled....in a distracted, disjointed, not-here sort of place. I haven't kept my "God-appointments" today. Sorry, Abba. You are near me. You always stay so near, loving and guiding and healing and speaking...and I, like a teather-ball, just keep spinning and pulling and bouncing around. Stop the motion, constant action, constant thought. Just be. Breathe. What am I resisting? Staying later at work...the feeling of distraction or failure...the irritating habits of those around me. What gifts am I overlooking? A few moments alone and quiet to recollect...an easy job that provides financial resources...a clean, warm jacket to wear in a cold office...blueberry white tea...family keeping in touch with me throughout the day...so many, many gifts. Breath. Sight. Thought. How might I be abusing these gifts? By inattention... misdirection...or just plain laziness.
Here I am, Abba. Can I really just accept this moment as it is...without demanding that it be something else?
"Let your face shine on us, O Lord, and we shall be saved."

How does control hamper faith?

2008-08-11T15:16:00.001-06:00

"Faith for Jesus is the opposite of anxiety. If you are anxious, if you are trying to control everything, if you are worried about many things, you don't have faith, according to Jesus. You do not trust that God is good and on your side. You're trying to do it all yourself, lift yourself up by your own bootstraps.

The giveaway is control. That's a good litmus test of the quality of your faith. People of faith don't have to control everything, nor do they have to change people."

Today's Daily Meditation from Richard Rohr.

Holding in tension...

2008-08-10T14:25:00.002-06:00

Ronald Rolheiser, in The Holy Longing, talks about biblical pondering. It's not, he says, the same as study or sitting down to theologizer about a person or situation. It is to hold in tension. To rest in pain, knowing that the Lord is my Shepherd regardless. It is to resist the temptation to seek a premature solution to that tension. It is to allow patience to have its perfect work...in physical pain, broken relationships, unpleasent circumstances, singleness, etc. It is to rest in the assurance of his Presence - which keeps me from fear....which, in turn, keeps me from anger depression, addiction.
Now...keeping that in mind, as I've been reading Matthew Sanford's memoir and tapping into other resources for yoga and similar practices, I keep hearing talk of "putting boudaries on your pain." Putting boundaries on my pain?? What does this mean?

As Mom and I walk up Escalante or La Canada (two streets with painfully steep hills that we alternately inflict on ourselves), the burning in my legs travels up my back and into my back, neck, and arms. If I were to create a physical picture of this pain, this tension, it would be radiating outward from my body. My mind becomes consumed with the desire to reach the tops of the hill - or to stop and turn around! To escape the discomfort. It is difficult to view the Lord as my Shepherd and the world around me as ultimately safe...because I am projecting my pain into the world around me. The air around my head smolders with it.
If, on the other hand, I put boudaries on my pain....it is contained. I view my body as a solid, non-permiable container for that pain. The pain, the tension, is contained rather than being allowed to seep into my environment. It becomes easier to know that he is my Shepherd and that I am ultimately safe. And if I am ultimately safe, there is no need to act out my fear (striking out in anger, depression, addiction). I live in that tension. I hold it. I refuse to seek premature escape or relief. So it comes, full circle, back to Rolheiser.
This is true not only of physical pain, but of psychological, relational, circumstantial pain as well. Any kind of element that is contrary to what we assume to be good, right, or ideal.

Now...also think about a child, afraid or in some degree of pain, going to her Daddy to be held. The child is seeking to have boudaries to her pain. Her Daddy is there, arms around her. The pain is contained and Daddy loves her...the world is ultimately safe. So God is/does for us.

Just...wow.

2008-08-01T22:54:00.005-06:00

Spent two hours at a concert tonight. Ruidoso's Chamber Music Festival. I was given a ticket for tonight's concert: Alexander Kobrin. It was amazing. Truly astounding....breathtaking. I've never really exposed myself to much in the way of classical music....I found myself swept away with the movement, the emotion evident in the composition...and hypnotized by the movement of Kobrin's hands over the instrument. No one can truly claim to be a musician unless they have mastered an intrument like that!
A tremendous amount of discipline....resulting in such....beauty.

http://www.alexkobrin.com/

Inspiration...

2008-07-26T11:59:00.002-06:00

For the changes taking place as I begin my journey at Spring Arbor...and the changes I feel pressing inside, yet to be manifest....This is "For a New Beginning"...from John O'Donohue's book of blessings:

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.

Awakening your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

This can warm the hearts of most people, I am sure. I hope it is as embracing for you as it has been for me.

From the IJM...

2008-07-25T15:53:00.001-06:00

Dateline NBC this evening will feature a special update on IJM undercover work in Svay Pak, Cambodia that resulted in the rescue of 37 girls. The Dateline NBC story, entitled “Children for Sale,” originally aired in January 2004 and has received significant airtime as well as two Emmy awards.
Tonight’s update will include a new interview with Gary Haugen as well as interviews with several of the young girls rescued by IJM in the original raids.

9pm EDT/PDTDateline NBC
Please watch and spread the word to friends who may be new to IJM!

Gratefully– International Justice Mission

P.S. Feel free to visit www.ijm.org/presscenter for previous Dateline NBC footage along with recent IJM media coverage. For more information surrounding the Svay Pak operation, please read Terrify No More by Gary Haugen.

I complete Christ?!

2008-07-23T19:50:00.003-06:00

Further thoughts on the Incarnation....

Mom and I are (working on) memorizing the first chapter of Colossians. We were going over the verses on our walk yesterday morning (or was it the day before?), up to verse 23. Then we read ahead to get an idea of where we'd be going next.....and discovered this:

" I am now rejoicing in my suffereings for your sake, and in my flesh I am completing what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church. (v. 24)

Completing what is lacking in Christ's afflictions????????? This is saying, in other words, that Christ's suffering on the cross is incomplete...and we have what it takes to complete it?
And in John 15.....there's a vine and a branch. Apart from the vine, the branch dies - but can a vine bear much fruit without the branch?

If I weren't reading it directing out of my Bible, I might call this heresy! But I am...and it's not.

I (can) complete Christ...the Incarnation. God - almighty creator and ruler of the universe, omnipotent, omnipresent (and all the other "omni's"!) - needs me. Not because he is weak, incompetent, or otherwise incapable...but because this is how he chooses to love me. By involving me in this mystery of the Incarnation - even making me indispensable to the "project"!

Can this be true.....or am I having delusions of grandeur?

Christians or Theists?

2008-07-20T22:11:00.002-06:00

The mystery, the reality of the incarnation is what defines us as Christians. Bring Christ to the world around us, seeing Christ in all things....this is what we are to be about. If its not about this, we are only theists, believing in a God who is aloof and "out there." A Christian life is an incarnational life. Richard Rohr says that either we see Christ in all things....or we see him in nothing.

God...with skin.

2008-07-19T16:21:00.005-06:00

Ronald Rolheiser, in The Holy Longing, explores what he calls the "under understood" mystery of the incarnation:

"The incarnation is not a thirty-three year experiment by God in history, a one-shot, physical incursion into our lives. The incarnation began with Jesus and it has never stopped. The ascension of Jesus did not end, not fundamentally change, the incarnation. God's physical body is still among us. God is still present, as physical and as ready today, as God was in the historical Jesus. God still has skin, human skin, and physically walks on this earch just as Jesus did (The Holy Longing, p 79)."

This physical body is us. You and me. Here on this planet...We are the Body of Christ.

What are the practical effects of this incarnation on our spirituality?
(Note: A theist is a person who believes in God; a Christian is one who believes in a God who is incarnate. Thus a theist would not be much affected practically by the incarnation; a Christian is defined by it.)
I am sure the practical implications are countless....Rolheiser names eight....and I've only read the first one: how we should pray. If we am the continued incarnation of the Christ spirit, and we pray through Jesus Christ (or in his name), "not only God in heaven is being petitioned and asked to act. We are also charging ourselves, as part of the Body of Christ, with some responsibility for answering the prayer. To pray as a Christian demands concrete involvement in trying to bring about what is pleaded for in the prayer (p 83)."

We are to be God with skin to the people around us. We pray for people and situations...but we do not leave it at that. We look for very real ways to be part of the answer to our own prayer.

Make sense?

This brings to mind a recent "experiment" Mom and I did in Kidz Church a few weeks ago. We were starting on our compassion ("social justice tradition") series....and sat everyone, including ourselves, in a big circle. Everyone was given a card that said, "This week I will pray every day for _____. S/he has asked that I pray for __________." Everyone wrote the name of the person on their right in the first blank; that person's request in the second. Mom was being prayed for by an 8-year-old girl, fairly new to the group but very attentive. She promised to pray every day that Mom would have new ideas for her artwork. Later that week, we held our mid-week gathering out at the Cedar Creek picnic area/campground. This little girl came with her mother....and brought a big, thick book of great art ideas and gave it to Mom.
She had been praying....and she became part of the answer to her own prayer. This is how the incarnation brings life to our prayers.

Mind-Body....Silence

2008-07-18T10:57:00.007-06:00

Matthew Sanford was paralyzed from the chest down in a car accident when he was 13 years old. In the twenty-something years following, he has learned a lot about the mind-body relationship and the silence there waiting to be discovered. Krista Tippet (Speaking of Faith) interviewed Sanford last fall; I've now listened through this interview...3 times? It makes a lot of sense to me...and touches something on a deeper level. I'm not sure what exactly. Here's the page from SPF's website...

The Body's Grace: Matthew Sanford's Story

I just ordered his memoir yesterday...Waking: A Memoir of Trauma and Transcendence.

And here's the video interview:

Matthew Sanford Interview from Speaking of Faith on Vimeo.

Desire

2008-07-12T21:18:00.003-06:00

Ronald Rolheiser, in The Holy Longing, says that all of creation is driven by desire. That desire is the driving force behind all of life's happenings. Desire. And our "spirituality" is what we do with that desire - how we channel it.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight; in all your ways acknowledge him..."

This is all about directing/channeling desire God-ward. It would be helpful, then (and perhaps critical), to entertain the ongoing question:
What desire is driving me in this very moment?
What drives a beetle to scritch across the patio and puch through the grass to some mystery destination (have you ever wondered where they go?)? What drives a bird to weave a nest? We can dismiss this as mere instinct...but isn't it really some form of desire? What drives my dogs to to get excited and crazy when they think it's time to go for a walk? Desire. What drives a child to clean his/her bedroom (even under compulsion)? Desire. Why am I here right now, writing this? Desire.

Majesty

2008-07-11T09:13:00.003-06:00

[maj-uh-stee] noun. regal, lofty, stately dignity; imposing character; grandeur; supreme greatness and authority; sovereignty; from the latin root magnus, meaning large.

"The Lord is King, with majesty enthroned..." ~in Psalm 93

"The Lord is great and worthy of praise, to be feared above all gods..." ~in Psalm 96

"It was the Lord who made the heavens, His are majesty and state and power and splendor in His holy place..." ~in Psalm 96

"Be still and know that I am God, supreme among the nations, supreme in all the earth..." ~in Psalm 46

The bigness and astounding, unfathomable beauty of this being who has always existed and will never cease existing - this should stike up in my heart a deep awe...deep desire to obey...deep realization of His goodness and mercy and love. That he is goodness itself. He is mercy and love. His presence is found - or can be found - in every object, time place, situation. I can see him there...if I will only lay aside my anxious fretting and constant efforts to manage all of life. Be still and know that I am God.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart...This is a God who can be trusted. So obviously. So deeply. But sometimes - most times - it's as though I am saying, "I don't know how well I can trust you. Prove yourself to me!"

What utter silliness. Thoughtless, shallow conlcusions. Deeply embedded pride.

And yet he loves me...giving further evidence of His majesty.

It's easy.

2008-07-10T17:09:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was non-stop at the theater. Oof. We're doing free "family shows" this summer, so that's bringing in a lot of people...in addition to the normal summer crowds. We'd get cleaned up after one set for the normal show times and it would be time for another family show....finished that and folks started showing up for the next normal show...and on and on. There was one point when I really lost focus - but a large part of the day I was somehow (call it grace) able to continue turning scripture over in mouth and mind. Proverbs 3:5-6 has been my "mantra" of late. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight; In all your ways ackowledge him and he will make straight your paths.
Going upstairs between sets to thread and start the movies gave me regular opportunities to have some alone time...short, focused bursts of meditation! As I was restocking the concession counter (about two-thirds through the shift), the words came to me:
Barbara, it's easy. Much easier than you think. Just trust. It's simple. Just let it go, whatever "it" is, and trust me.

It's easy. Why do I complicate it?

Lessons from the garden...

2008-07-04T19:01:00.004-06:00

I had the day off at both jobs....so I stayed home most of the day and got to work with Dad in our 50'x50' garden. It's beautiful! He's worked so hard on it since before school was even out (he teaches 4th grade on the Mescalero Apache reservation). We're gonna have more squash, melons, peas, onions, and potatoes than we'll know what to do with!

Anyway...so I spent some time pulling weeds today. We're trying to grow it all organically, so no weed-killer allowed - which means that we spend plenty of time pulling the sneaky little things up! Some of them were actually quite pretty...green topped leaves with red-purple undersides.

As I pecked at the damp soil with my mud-crusted fingers, getting as many of the little ones as I could....I thought about two things:

1)Weeds, no matter how big or small, consume space and nutrients needed by the garden plants. If the garden is to bear fruit as the gardener intends, the plants must have room to grow and adaquate nutrients. The weeds must be pulled. What in my life needs to be weeded out?

2)Dad has set up a system of soaker hoses until we can afford to put in drip irrigation. One thing is certain.....weeds love to grow right underneath the hose. It's wet and protected, I guess....and that's where I found most of them. You can't say, "Oh! Weeds like water....so we'll stop watering the garden!" The garden would die. The water is necessary...thus the hoses are necessary. But when weeding, it's good to check underneath the hose often and well....pull the weeds while they're still small.

There are good things set in place in my life - disciplines, routines. But it's important to look under the surface of these things - to check for little things that might be growing that could be harmful in the future. Pride, fear, and works-based salvation (a very sneaky weed, that one)...things like that. This requires attention...time....care...and lots of grace.

The happening...

2008-07-02T21:54:00.003-06:00

Well, with (now...starting today!) two part-time jobs, church work, house work, and occasional graphic design jobs....I've been going non-stop. Except for my quiet times in the mornings and my fairly relazed evenings. And there are moments of quiet throughout the day - if not in my circumstances, then at least in my heart.

From this morning's meditation:
In God alone be at rest, O my soul. There is no rest to be found in others' approval. There is no rest to be found in productivity...accomplishments...a "perfect" schedule...money...an "attractive" body...In God alone.

In God alone be at rest, O my soul.

O my soul.

In God alone be at rest.

At rest.

In God alone be...be. Be.

In God alone...alone. Alone.

In God.

Invitation to a Journey

2008-06-25T15:59:00.004-06:00

I got the first few books that were listed for last semester's beginning classes for the MSFL. They're all so....GOOD! I've been reading Robert Mulholland's Invitation to a Journey...and finding a clearer vision, intention, and means of living a life of dicsipleship to Christ. He starts by defining "spiritual formation" - terminology, in our culture of self-improvement, that can so easily be misused. As Mulholland defines it, spiritual formation is "a process of being conformed to the image of Christ for the sake of others" (p.15). The chapters on creation gifts and holistic spirituality took an in-depth look at Jung's personality types and how these would influence the journey to Christlikeness. This is not approached from the standpoint of, "This is my personality type, so it's ok that I don't want to do this discipline or that practice. It's just not me." No, no. Instead, we look at and nurture our personality preferences...but we also challenge our preference to develop balanced habits.
Mulholland then goes into the classical stages of Christian pilgrimage: awakening, purgation, illumination, and union. Interestingly, this was touched on at the very beginning of the "Mystic Saints" retreat in Pecos. Purgation is the stage, I think, that we want to gloss over. So many conversations in the church center on the initial conversion experience (awakening) and the "high times," when we suppose God is going to zap us into perfection. Purgation is the slow and painful process of releasing the habits of thought and behavior that keep us from Him....of allowing our hearts to be transformed so that we become the kind of people who can be united to Him. It is this stage that we find the spiritual disciplines - means by which God is given access to the deepest places of our hearts (though there is a need for discipline through every stage in the journey, it seems they are most prevalent in purgation - though I could be totally wrong :o).

What I read today is an exploration into the "classical spiritual disciplines." Mullholland gives a totally new perspective on the very definition of prayer and touches on spiritual reading....but what has really captured my attention are his thoughts on liturgy. Consisting of worship, daily office, study, fasting, and retreat, liturgy is a "personal structure of daily activity" that helps us to more continuously see our lives in the context of "God's new order of being" (pp. 115-116). It's a daily rhythm that is essential to the journey....it helps us to stay rooted in a different reality from what is contstantly pressing us in the visible world. It reminds us of the community of believers, companions on the journey, with and for whom we are being transformed.

This is all sooooo...yummy! Next we go into the nature and dynamics of the spiritual disciplines.

2008-06-24T14:33:00.001-06:00

This is absolutely sickening. Our lives are sooooo sheltered, sooooo far removed from any real problems.

Kenyan children abducted, tortured

First-time tagged...

2008-06-24T12:09:00.001-06:00

I was “tagged” by Redhead Rev…my first time doing this in the blog world…so I’ll share the love!

Four jobs I’ve had:
1. Subway “sandwich artist”
2. Shift manager at the local movie theater
3. Administrative assistant at Ruidoso Regional Council for the Arts (current)
4. freelance graphic designer (experimenting)

Four movies I could watch over and over:
1. Narnia
2. Just about any of the films based on Jane Austen’s life and work
3. Rain Man
4. Music Within

Four places I have lived:
1. Ruidoso, NM
2. Ruidoso, NM
3. Alto, NM (very near Ruidoso, NM)
4. Ruidoso, NM

Four TV shows I like:
1. The Office
2. I don’t have cable!
3. I don’t have satellite!
4. ???

Four Favorite Foods:
1. Nothing’s as amazing as Mom’s homemade bread….fresh out of the oven, when the outside is crunchy and the inside is steaming and soft…and, ohhhhh the aroma….mmm. Now I’m hungry.
2. sweet potatoes…
3. the Turkey Avacado wrap at The Wild Herb (now there’s some good eats)
4. just about any kind of fresh produce we can pick up at the farmers’ market. Last week was apricots…this week was figs.

Four Places I Would Rather Be:
1. Sometimes…..Pecos Benedictine Monastery. :o)
2. NOT at Wal-mart
3. Out on a walk…preferably whith trees, birds, etc.
4. At home

People I’m Tagging: whoever's in to being tagged. :o)

The countdown...

2008-06-22T17:00:00.003-06:00

Nine weeks.

It's actually coming up much more quickly than I thought it would.

My first class at SAU starts on August 25. This is the master's program of my dreams! Yet there's this nagging apprehension. It won't go away. Afraid I won't measure up. That I'll be in way over my head. And maybe I will. But that's when we grow, right?

But there's a world of difference between fear and dread. I'm not dreading this...not at all. I really feel that this is something God is leading. But fear. That's another story. But for me, change always brings a rash of butterflies in the stomach and self-doubt.

This too shall pass.

The key is to remember that He's my shepherd. Regardless of any accomplishment or failure, excited anticipation or fear. I lack nothing.

Monastic Rhythm

2008-06-19T13:27:00.004-06:00

It's odd to me...that something experienced over a short, 5-day period...could uncover such a deep longing within me. During my time in Pecos, one of the things that I found deeply helpful, and hated most to leave behind, was the steady monastic rhythm. We rise, we pray, spend time in silence, we sing, we eat, we work….we rest. The daily prayer included Vigils (6:30am), lectio (7:00am), and Lauds (7:30am); after breakfast and a few hours of activity, midday prayer (Noon), followed by a few more hours of work; then Vespers (5:00pm), dinner, and Compline before bed.
When I first got there, the liturgy was strange to me and I felt smothered by an intense sense of loneliness. The last two days of the retreat became more restful...it got to where I was longing for the time that the bell would ring and we could go to the chapel...into the silence...with the voices of the Brothers and Sisters leading us once again through the Psalms and prayers. On the last day I skipped the final lecture (it was even on St. Francis!!) so I could go sit alone in the chapel before midday prayer. The rhythm becomes a life-giving entity...that somehow allows the mind to dwell more continuously on the Source of Life.

After I got home, I had to opportunity to meet and talk with a man who used to be a Franciscan monk. He talked about that rhythm. He talked about the joys of a contemplative life. But he emphasized the importance of finding that rhythm in everyday life outside the monastery. It must be possible to find a place of full integration…this is my hope.

Here are a few paragraphs from an excellent article by Christine Sine entitled, "Why a Rule of Life?"....check out the full article when you can.

...For many of us, the thought of developing a rule of life conjures up images of legalistic rules and regulations that take away the joy of spontaneous expressions of faith. This was what my friend Michael thought when he first went to spend a few weeks at a local monastery: “You know this business of stopping for prayer five times a day? I thought it would be really restricting,” he told me. “I actually found the opposite to be true. We all knew that no matter what we were doing, when the chapel bell rang, we laid down our tools and headed for prayer. It took the focus away from work as the most important thing to God.”

Creating a rule of life should be a response to being loved by God, and feeling moved to become what God calls us to be in this world. It makes us very aware of how we spend our time each day and of how we might spend it better. Our awareness of this gap motivates us to change so that God becomes our focus rather than work or family or even Christian ministry. A rule can give us the courage and discipline to form new routines that reward us with growing intimacy with God. In her helpful book Why Not Celebrate! Sara Wenger Shenk says, “If it isn’t possible to know the quickening presence of God in the everyday routine, one might as well ship religiosity off to a seminary library and leave it there. Either God is God of all of life, or God is on the reserve shelf, available and relevant only to a sanctified elite.” The daily repetition of simple practices that focus our hearts on God does far more to nurture deep, meaningful spiritual growth than the occasional “mountain top” experience...

...Establishing a rule usually begins with disciplines of prayer and the daily reading of Scripture, but it also provides time for study and reflection, encompasses physical work, time to celebrate with and serve others, and the need for leisure and rest. Practicing a rule of life is a community affair. Practicing our faith in community with others moves us against the grain of our individualistic culture. There is strength in joining forces with others who have a similar hunger and desire to live the way of Jesus in the here and now.
I am convinced that to be a follower of Christ we must intentionally work to develop spiritual practices that put our faith and its rhythms at the center of all we are and do. Only then can we find a healthy life of stability and richness that easily withstands the pressures and stresses of our culture.

Hill of Crosses

2008-06-17T20:30:00.002-06:00

Yeah....another short post. It's amazing how busy a schedule can become in the middle of summer, working a part-time job, and having no classes to keep up with. Makes me wonder how much is actually necessary.....?

Anyway. A friend send this to me and...wow. What a symbol of devotion.

Hill of Crosses, Lithuania

Soul-Numbing Ruts

2008-06-16T13:26:00.001-06:00

Ok...wow. This is really good stuff.

Soul-Numbing Ruts

Abba

2008-06-11T20:50:00.005-06:00

Walking with Mom this morning, just after topping Escalante (a street with a hill that is certainly worthy of the name), she was reciting Romans 8...one part particularly stood out to me: "...you have received the spirit of adoption. When we cry, 'Abba, Father,' it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God..."
I've been told that this word "Abba" is the equivalent to our "Papa"- also the name used for God the Father in William Young's The Shack. During a short exercise in centering prayer with the group in Pecos, I rested in this name of God. Papa. There's something very intimate, very...warm in the name. But it somehow transcends familiarity and goes deeper than feeling closer to Him.

Calling God "Abba, Father" is different from giving God a familiar name. Calling God "Abba" is entering into the same intimate, fearless, trusting, and empowering relationship with God that Jesus had. That relationship is called Spirit, and that Spirit is given to us by Jesus and enables us to cry out with him, "Abba, Father."

Calling God "Abba, Father" (see Roman 8:15; Galatians 4:6) is a cry of the heart, a prayer welling up from our innermost beings. It has nothing do with naming God but everything to do with claiming God as the source of who we are. This claim does not come from any sudden insight or acquired conviction; it is the claim that the Spirit of Jesus makes in communion with our spirits. It is the claim of love.

(Henry Nouwen Society, Daily Meditation for June 11, 2008)

In Reaching Out, Nouwen explores the differences between loneliness and solitude. Solitude lays claim to this kind of intimacy and love for which there are no words. My time at the monastery last week...was a time of learning deeper communion with my Papa. Separated from all familiarity (faith tradition, place, schedule, diet, people), what is left to cling to? I so often wished for things to be more like home. Coming back to "normal" life after beginning to love the rhythm and precious silence, joy, and love in the monastery setting...the tendency is to sludge through "normal" life wishing things could only be more like they are in Pecos. I once read that if only is the quickest, most definite path to despair. There must be, underneath life circumstances and all things external, a strong and continuous thread providing the stability we long for.

I'm baaack...

2008-06-09T22:23:00.003-06:00

Went on a retreat to Pecos Benedictine Monastery, June 5-today. Just got home. I went not really knowing what to expect...and now I'm coming home not knowing what to expect. The problem of re-entry! I will post some of my retreat journalings in the days to come.

Heartbreaking...

2008-06-01T21:10:00.002-06:00

"Uganda's children work on dangerous rock pile"

I just read this article...it's so sad, it's so wrong, yet what can be done? Gary Haugen (founder, International Justice Mission) says that the first step is to get over this ridiculous idea that "I can't do anything."

God is a just God...how can we be his hands and feet in carrying out justice in this incredibly unjust world?

Lord...Lord!

2008-05-31T21:06:00.004-06:00

"The path of spiritual transformation today lies through the illumination that we have ruined souls..." ~Dallas Willard

The last couple days I've been in Matthew 8:5-13. This afternoon I was really, really tired - that afternoon slump that makes you want to go to bed at 5:00. I stretched out on the bed, thinking Yeah, I am totally gonna fall asleep. I pulled out this passage, though...and felt strangely, deeply rested and energized.

When he entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, appealing to him and saying, "Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, in terrible distress." And he said to him, "I will come and cure him." The centurion answered, "Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; but only speak the word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to one 'Go,' and he goes, and to another, 'Come,' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this,' and the slave does it." When Jesus heard him, he was amazed and said to those who followed him, "Truly I tell you, in no one in Israel have I found such faith. I tell you, many will come from east and west and will eat with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, while the heirs of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." And to the centurion he said, "Go; let it be done for you according to your faith." And the servant was healed in that hour.

You can sense the man's desperation. He is broken, conscious of his need, his frailty. And yet he is bold enough to approach Jesus. What really grabs my attention is that he calls Jesus Lord. Here's a guy who has some power. He can tell people what to do, manipulate circumstances in his favor....play God, in other words. Much like myself and most of the people I know. We have a great deal of say-so in the happenings of our lives...or we like to think we do, anyway. But the centurion lays it all aside and openly acknowledges his helplessness. But he is not hopeless. He calls this other Man....Lord. But as he does this, there is a churning hope within him...a knowing...that this Man will bring redemption.

When Jesus commends the centurion for his faith - I have typically heard this as referring to the man's understanding of authority, his boldness in coming to Jesus and making his desires clear. Faith is so often reduced to some abstract thing that obliges God to do whatever it is we apply it to.
But now I wonder....I wonder if Jesus is actually commending the man's humility...the beautiful and perfect blend of brokenness and boldness. Is this, then, what faith really means? To acknowledge my brokenness, my frailty, my utter helplessness....but not without hope. By admitting my weakness, I allow myself to accept the strength of One far greater than myself...One who can, who will, bring redemption. But the doorway...is surrender. Coming to know and act on the knowledge that I am not God.

"...we have become people so locked into our own self-worship and denial of God that we cannot want God. We cannot want God to be God. Wanting God to be God is very different from wanting God to help us." ~Dallas Willard

The Shack

2008-05-24T19:20:00.002-06:00

"God as you've never seen Him before!"

No kidding.

I'm two-thirds through the book right now...it's hard to put down! Without giving away the plot (because, quite simply, should read this book), I can say that I am finally getting a real taste of GOD...his personality, his character, his desires, his playfulness, his love. It's really quite remarkable. William Young (the author) had had quite a revelation of the Father. Last night I read through a scene that...helped me understand the idea of redemption through the Cross. It clarified the reasoning....the sheer, unspeakably deep love...behind the Cross. My mind keeps going back to it. What love!

Yesterday morning, in Renovation of the Heart (in daily practice), I was challenged to look more closely at one loving thing Jesus did...to put myself in the place of the person being loved...and to receive that image of God's love as a gift for the day. I chose Jesus' encounter with the leper in Matthew 8. I imagined the look in Jesus' eyes as he lovingly, emphatically said, "I do choose. Be whole!" Following this up with image after image of God's love found in The Shack, are there even words that come remotely close to describing the feeling in my heart?

It lends all new meaning to the song "Jesus loves me."

....when you're alone.

2008-05-21T18:31:00.003-06:00

Mom and Dad went to an awards banquet for the school...I just dropped Sam off at work...and I'm at home. Dinner is warming up. I am so used to being around other people - even in my quiet times, I'm not alone in the house. There's a quality of reaching out to God when you're the only person around. It's born out of a feeling of loneliness....but rather than immediately reaching for the phone or the tv remote, I can sit here and know that I am not alone. Almost sounds cliche, doesn't it?
I used to have panic attacks when left alone someplace. So now when I'm left alone, there's still a hint of that - just a hint. Just enough to force me to search for something...Someone to hold me.

"You are a hiding place for me; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with glad cries of deliverance. Selah." ~Psalm 32:7

Onward!!!!!

2008-05-20T09:32:00.002-06:00

I just received an email from Spring Arbor University.....like, just received it. I've been accepted for the online graduate program in Spiritual Formation and Leadership! I start on August 25. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for this letter. Now I'm wondering, Oh, my God...am I really ready for this??? But if He's brought me to it, He will bring me through it. He is my hiding place.

By the way, thanks Abba. By Your grace, I will glorify you in this.

2008-05-18T19:59:00.002-06:00

Do you ever feel homesick....while you're at home?

It's weird.

Loneliness vs. Solitude

2008-05-17T17:02:00.003-06:00

Loneliness: Alone someplace. Restless for companionship.
Solitude: No longer pulled apart by elements in the environment. Able to percieve/understand this world from a quiet inner center.

Nouwen says that our lives constantly fluctuate between these two poles: loneliness and solitude. The elements that influence this fluctuation are largely beyond our power to control - "too many known and unknown factors play roles in the balance of our inner life" for us to be able to fully understand where we are on this continuum. But as we become incresingly aware of the existence of these two poles and attentive to the little fluctuations we experience from moment to moment...we are no longer lost and we can make conscious and intentional moves toward solitude.
A first step in the direction of solitude might be to watch for times when I seek to secure comfort in a person, job, hobby, movie, book....iPod. Coming to the realization that nothing can satisfy the loneliness I feel. As I turn to God to satisfy my loneliness, I find that inner center from which I can observe and engage with the world...with greater clarity and understanding.
Solitude is the key to right action flowing from a right heart - a heart made right by intensive communion with God's presence in that secret inner sanctuary.

Loneliness? (again)

2008-05-17T09:37:00.002-06:00

"God uses those who can understand the times..." ~J. Kang

Henri Nouwen was a man who "understood the times"...and God did, and still does, use him in the transformation of people's hearts. In the beginning pages of Nouwen's "Reaching Out," he gives a slicing diagnosis of, particularly, American life (though much, I am sure, holds true in other cultures).

We have an innate loneliness inside...and we don't really know what to do with it! We carry a "false expectation that we are called to take each other's loneliness away." By operating on this premise, we enter relationships and "burden others with these divine expectations." The result? Our relationships are excurciating...tiring...suffocating. I think this pervades our culture more than most of us realize.

Nouwen notes that we in America are suspicious of closedness; yet our obsessive openness itself becomes superficial, fun of "empty chatter, easy confessions, hollow talk, senseless compliments, poor praise, and boring confidentialities."

See what I meant by "a slicing analysis"?

He slices through the heart of our culture, giving a clear cutaway view of the contents.

Empty chatter, easy confessions, hollow talk, senseless compliments, poor praise, and boring confidentialities...

How much of my talk, how many of our conversations, consist of these busy nothings? How often do we delight in open, "heart-exposing" conversations? --And we act in these conversations as though it is a beautiful and rare occurance, a seldom and meaningful treat....when in reality, we are only spouting off as we normally do.

Lord, give me grace today to be attentive...to notice empty chatter, easy confessions, hollowtalk, senseless compliments, poor praise, and boring confidentialities. To see the pervasive loneliness around me and within myself. To be quiet...as a means of guarding my inner sanctuary and as a service to others, choosing not to contribute to pointless crusade of conquering lonliness by human means. Help me to stay attentive.

Loneliness?

2008-05-16T20:56:00.006-06:00

"An impatient person is unwilling to wait upon God." ~J. Kang

Patience is key; a virtue that does not come easily or naturally to me. Yet if I had it...much of the pressure I feel to move ahead would dissolve. And it is a hot pressure. I feel it. I succumb to it--more often than I'd like to admit. A person who waits on God's timing will most likely not be moving, at least in certain ways, according to the unspoken and omnipresent timeline of society.

Think about it - what the reward of patience would be...

Less pressure now to move, move, move.

Greater peace.

A quieter heart - more able to know His heart.

The best long-term result

A better formed/forming heart.

Isn't this more attractive to me than always pushing ahead, pressured for the temporal pleasure of fitting in to the society that surrounds me? Like Juno, I find that normalcy just isn't really my thing. As far as major life transitions...I haven't been much for following the "timeline" that so many people seem to expect. And is there anything really wrong with that?

So why continue allowing that pressure to affect me?

"A waiting moment will never be a wasted moment." ~J. Kang

"If this entire universe is a desperate attempt of love to incarnate itself, then 'important duties' which keep us from helping little people are not duties but sins - or am I all the while trying to justify my own failure?" ~Frank Laubach

Everything in the surrounding culture would tell me that I am somehow failing because I am "behind" - meaning that I have not, at my age, accomplished the things "normally" accomplished by an individual at my age. But perhaps the duties of normalcy are, or can be, sins that keep me so busy with my own life/accomplishments that I have no time to do things that God would have me do.

Metamorpha.com

2008-05-14T22:02:00.002-06:00

I have come across a website that is an invaluable resource for anyone wanting to explore and discuss a life of Christian spiritual formation. Metamorpha.com, stemming off Kyle Strobel's book
Metamorpha, has great forums and excellent articles and video resources regarding life in this way of Christ. If you haven't been there already, go check it out!

Ahhhhh....

2008-05-10T19:51:00.002-06:00

Done. I graduated today. Feels good. I didn't want to walk at first, but I'm glad I did. It makes the accomplishment more meaningful. I also got to see Ms. Wills and Mr. McCullough -- my two greatest professors....I'm going to miss them.

I can't wait for Mom to finish up her degree and walk!

Swimming in God

2008-05-08T15:37:00.003-06:00

Sitting quietly this morning, medidating on Psalm 41:6 -- "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble..." -- something occured to me. Everything...everything I think, say, and do....is thought, spoken, and done in the context of God. That sounds simplistic. But it's not, really! It's HUGE!
He is my refuge (around me, protecting me), my strength (surging up from deep within me), and a very present help (near me, as a friend, to assist and encourage and love). Every word that comes out of my mouth originates from, is formed in, and goes tumbling out into a sea of God's presence. Every thought. Every little motion of my body.

I've been playing around with Laubach's Game with Minutes, training my mind to settle more continually in God's presence. I have found it helpful today to remind myself as I type out emails, answer phone calls, trudge through tasks in Photoshop....that all is done in the context of God. Swimming in God. That gives all deeper meaning to the workd of the song: "In him we live and move and have our being..."

Jesus for...."President"?

2008-05-07T18:41:00.004-06:00

I just watched a video yesterday that helped me grapple with this book a little better. I found it on Krista Tippet's Speaking of Faith website. It's an interview she conducted at the National Pastor's Convention....with (get this) Chuck Colson, Greg Boyd, and Shane Claiborne.

When I first heard about this book, Jesus for President, I felt a tinge of...you know that "Eeeks!" feeling you get when you know something might really tick you or someone you know off? Yeah, that's the feeling. I didn't give it much thought. I just knew that a book with that title, coming out in an election year could, uh...raise some hair. At one point during the interview, Greg Boyd said something about the title of the book....Calling Jesus "Lord" really doesn't mean much anymore. We don't have any lords...not in the same way they did way back when. But when you call Jesus President, you start stepping on toes and getting a feel for what a touchy phrase "Jesus is Lord" would have been at the time.

Jesus for President! Commitment to Christ and his Way...placed before any social or political allegiance. It makes total sense. Sounds great. But put into practice, it will mean giving up some sacred cows.

Check out the interview and related resources here.

What to do with a lazy mind?

2008-05-07T18:22:00.003-06:00

"I am perhaps more lazy mentally than the average person.."

I don't know how often or for how long I turn my thoughts to God during an "average day," but I do know that the last two days I have done so even less. A lot of things going on and I guess my assumption is that I must be fully absorbed in all that's going on in order to deal with it effectively. But in Laubach's experience, the more effort he poured into this Game, the easier every other "outside" activity became. But it's hard work to change habitual patterns of thought. And I find that I am, like Laubach, "perhaps more lazy mentally than the average person..." I seem to lack the ability to articulate my thoughts or the small, seemingly insignificant things of my life in clear and creative ways. I envy those who can. What seems to come so naturally to them takes so much effort for me. But I feel this is a hurdle that I can overcome. Laubach's words are so fitting....

" The experiment which I am trying is the most strenuous discipline which any man ever attempted. I am not succeeding in keeping God in my mind very many hours of the day...
...The moment I turn to Him it is like turning on an electric current which I feel through my whole being. I find also that the effort to keep God in my mind does something to my mind which every mind needs to have done to it. I am given something difficult enough to keep my mind with a keen edge. The constant temptation of every man is to allow his mind to grow old and lose its edge. I feel that I am perhaps more lazy mentally than the average person, and I require the very mental discipline which this constant effort affords."

(Frank Laubach, June 15, 1930 - Letters by a Modern Mystic)

Intergenerational Worship

2008-05-03T14:07:00.004-06:00

The idea of intergenerational worship is new to me. Having grown up in a church with a great kids ministry--having helped with that ministry for years...I have my doubts. Yet it is intriguing to me. There is something very...good about the idea of keeping families together to explore the Way. But how can ideas be communicated in a way so as to be appropriate for such a broad age range? How are behavioral issues addressed?
Emerging Parents offers some great thoughts. One person insightfully commented....

We could point out the fact that Sunday schools (in the UK) were a 19th Century invention, and that they were always separate from the main worship event, normally taking place on a Sunday afternoon. It’s only since perhaps the 1920s that the Sunday School class has taken place at the same time as Sunday morning adult worship. And yet our churches are unquestioningly locked into this pattern of doing church that is less than 100 years old.

We cannot be a whole community unless children play a full part, nor can children develop in their discipleship unless they participate and belong in a meaningful way to a community of people of all ages committed to one another on the pilgrim journey.

So we should stop asking “‘How can we keep the children from disturbing us as we worship in ways that are dear to us?’ but rather, ‘How can we invite children into real involvement with our worship of God?' 'What is the essence of our worship and what is merely adult habit and prejudice?' 'How can we make the whole liturgy accessible to children without losing the adults?’ ‘How can we help our children truly to take part in the whole liturgy, word and sacrament, not separately but with us?’ ‘How can we preach the Word so that all can hear it?’”

These are such great questions. I'd like to take them one at a time....really dig around for answers. Good answers to these questions, effectively implemented, would revolutionize the way we "do" church.

Jesus for President....further thoughts

2008-05-02T19:02:00.004-06:00

Alright....so I started reading the book and got sidetracked with school. Now I'm back on it with a vengence!!!

My initial reaction to hearing that this book was going to be released was...a strange mixture of excitement and...angst. I had the same feelings as I read The Irresistible Revolution. Now, a couple months after finishing it, I find myself just hungry for more and yet...frustrated because I have no idea where to start changing my lifestyle! There are always "these here reasons." But maybe as I immerse my mind in these ideas...my heart in this truth...right action will be the result.

When I first opened Jesus for President, I was confronted with eight pages of...well, truth. Having grown up in a politically conservative pastor's family, I felt a tinge of defensiveness. But then I wondered why...and read on.
Where to begin, where to begin???
I love the way Shane and Chris open up the cultural/political context of the biblical narrative. It sets so many of the stories in a new and fresh light.
This book is similar to Irresistible Revolution in that the ideas (or is it one unified and strangely intricate-but-simple idea?)are so huge and...potent, yet small...very...well, small.
In that way, the book takes on the same characteristics as the Kingdom - the way Shane and Chris describe it.

The Kingdom of God... is like a mustard seed..." ~Luke 13

Busting out of the popular mold this parable is so often crammed into, the book sheds light on Jesus' inteded meaning...by looking at some matters of culture and context. I'd breeze over this and go on to my next great thought about the book...but I don't have one. As far as I've read in the book (I'm just starting Section Three), this idea is foundational. Much of what I've read so far can be taken back down to this essential truth....so I'm gonna hash it out.
First of all, this is more than the tiny-seed-turned-big-tree lesson we usually hear. Mustard actually grows like a wild bush...like kudzu. Small, pesky, but extrememly powerful. Jews weren't allowed to plant it in their gardens because it would take over the garden...and allow the growth of a "public nuisance." Folks back then were used to thinking of the Kingdom in terms of the huge "cedars of Lebanon." Jesus turned that upside-down! His view of kingdom was nothing like what we have come to associate. I can't beat the way Shane and Chris have put it:

"What Jesus had in mind was not a frontal attack on the empires of this world. His revolution is a subtle contagion - one little life, one little hospitality house at a time. Isn't it interesting that Saul of Tarsus went door-to-door trying to tear up the contagion, like it was a wild week? But the harder people tried to eradicate it, the faster it spread. When mustard is crushed, its potency is released....So there goes Jesus spinning power on its head again. His power was not in crushing but in being crushed, triumphing over the empire's sword with his cross." (p 104)

That all sounds well and good....from a distance. It's nice talk if I want to sound devout and pious. But He meant it to be lived. And not just within the "bounds" of religion.
Speaking of this in terms of faith, religion, belief - whatever you want to call it - I can handle that. It's when I try to translate these ideas to the realm of politics....that's when I start to squirm.

Later on....p 123..."This king rules with a towel, not a sword. In the kingdom of God, we descend into greatness." That's it. The upside-downness of God's kingdom. Christ said Follow me, then went to the cross. This is not a gospel of self-preservation. So much of what I do is absolutely, utterly soaked in preserving my own "well-being." So much of the political action taken in our country (and other countries, to be sure), is in self-defense. Damn the upside-down kingdom! Full speed ahead! And we drop bombs. We kill innocent people. We leave truly needy people in the dust.

"Sure my citizenship is ultimately in heaven, but I have to live in the 'real' world now." I can sooooo relate to this! Part of me sees the lie of redemptive violence. But part of me squirms and screams, But what about the terrorists? What about them? What's to be done with them? We can't just let them get away with it!! In the name of idolatrous self-preservation (call it whatever you want), I settle for a temporary fix. Like taking meds instead of addressing the root problem. Like bandaging a contagious infection. Like whitewashing a tomb.

Maybe this Kingdom of God...does work down deep...quiet...small...but with unspeakable power. Maybe His way won't lead to my idea of "well-being"...the preservation of the many comforts I love and depend on. Maybe....just maybe...the results will be more slow in coming. But they will be lasting. And real.

That's all for now. I'll write more when I've read further. So far.....there are lot and lots of questions. And that's good.

Create in me a clean heart, O God...

2008-04-27T22:00:00.008-06:00

I am slowly making my way through Richard Foster's Streams of Living Water. An excellent read. I'm going through the corresponding sections in Renovare's Spiritual Formation Workbook. The six streams, or Traditions, have become somewhat familiar to me as we've used them for the last three or four years as a basic structure for our Kidz Church program. As I read again about the Contemplative Tradition, I chose an "excercise" to help me put into practice what I was learning. fI committed to take the prayer, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me," and pray it for ten minutes morning, midday, and evening...and turn it over as much as possible throughout the day. I did it diligently for a week. Evening was the hardest--that's when I'm sleepy. Not much of a night person, I guess.
Anyway...as I started reading about the Holiness Tradition, about it's focus on singleness and purity of heart resulting in holy action...I decided to keep up with the same exercise. I'm glad I did. It's starting to come alive and find its way into so many things! Wrong attitudes towards others, habitual behaviors and obsessions, hurry, anxiety...these things arise and the prayer is a lifeline. Create in me a clean heart, O God.....Create in me a clean heart, O God.....put a new and right spirit in me! It's a great way to throw myself on His mercy and grace whenever I see the filth and brokenness of my self.

create: (kree-ayt) verb. latin ~ creare; akin to crescere, "to grow" ~ to bring into existence; to invest with new form, office or rank; to produce or bring about by a course of action or behavior; cause; occasion; to produce through imaginative skill; to make or bring into existence something new.

Heart: One's innermost character, feelings or inclinations; the central or innermost part; the essential or most vital part of something...

My heart...the central, innermost part of me, the essence of who I am, is being made new. God is creating a new heart in me...growing a new core for my life through His divinely imaginitive skill. Bringing into existence a new essence. This is the transformation happening now, within me!
This is the creativity of God. The creativity to which I am called. Psalm 146 lumps God's creation of the earth in with His executing justice for oppressed people, giving food to the hungry, setting prisoners free, watching over the misplaced, and holding up orphans and widows. This is the creativity of God. The creativity to which I am called.

As my heart is changed, I become His agent for justice in the world. I am called to the creativity of heart transformation....for my own heart to be transformed and to play a part in the transformation of the hearts of those I meet.

O God, create!! Where I may look at this as a request...a plea, for Him is is an invitation to so something He enjoys immensely! Create! Asking God to create is like asking Dad to eat peach sherbet. It's no problem. No imposition. He won't put up a fight!

"God, create!"

No problem.

He joyfully, gleefully leaps to it!

2008-04-18T12:35:00.004-06:00

Laubach said that one way to win this "Game with Minutes" is to tell friends about it. So I will. I'll share it with you. How many minutes can you spend with Him today? Can you think of him for one second this minute?

"All day long we are contented, whatever our lot may be, for He is with us.
'When Jesus goes with me, I'll go anywhere.'"
~Frank Laubach, The Game with Minutes

9 Things to Know Before You Hit 30

2008-04-17T08:35:00.004-06:00

I was reminded by several people last month how close I am to being a "quarter of a century" old. Geez. While I know this is not, by some cultural definition, "old"...one does feel an urge to build a good foundation. This article from Relevant offers some great points:

9 Things to Know Before You Hit 30

Scribblings...

2008-04-14T11:54:00.003-06:00

Fully grounded.
Deeply rooted.
Holding strongly.
Tightly held.
Shhhh... All is well. All is well. All is well.
His table is here.
In darkness, Light.
In hunger, a feast.
Near me,
About me,
Within me,
Through me.
Hold, fill, quiet fears.
Shhhh... All is well. All is well. All is well.
All in Him.
All from Him.
Immersed,
Filled,
Shadowed,
Turned.
The path is here.
At my feet.
At hand.
In heart.
Shhhh... All is well. All is well. All is well.

(Not a great literary work....just heart-thoughts scribbled during church yesterday.)

Letting go...again.

2008-04-13T07:39:00.004-06:00

"A king is not saved by his great army;
a warrior is not delivered by his great strength.
The war horse is a vain hope for victory,
and by its great might is cannot save.

Truly the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love,
to deliver their soul from death,
and to keep them alive in famine.

Our soul waits for the Lord;
He is our help and shield.
Our heart is glad in Him,
because we trust in His holy name."

~Psalm 33:16-21

I may not be a king, and I may not have armies and war horses...but the idea holds true. And it's carries over to any number of issues and circumstances. Career development, relationships, impression management, business matters...maybe even politically? Now that would be revolutionary.

Letting go...

2008-04-11T14:54:00.003-06:00

In God's upside-down order (aka: His kingdom...the range of His effective rule)....where the weak and powerless, the harassed and helpless are actually the "blessed"....where a shepherd boy would approach (and defeat) a giant that a war-weathered king would avoid...where a refugee baby in the midst of goverment-sanctioned genocide could redeem creation...

In a kingdom such as this...surely it's safe to let go of the constant compulsion to justify myself, manage others' opinions of me, and do what I can to be "successful"...isn't it?

There's something very...safe...about letting go. If you think about it, that seems like quite a contradiction. Like a child who finally pushes off the side of the swimming pool to float into the open arms of her father. Between the time she lets go of the ledge and the time that her father's arms come around her...there's a moment of breathless fear. Am I going down? But once she is in her father's arms, she is brought into a realization of the wider world around her. She finds that there is more to life than the tiny details of her excursion in the pool. She knows she can look around and splash and play...without fear of sinking. You never know....she might just get adventurous.

It's already time...

2008-04-05T08:09:00.002-06:00

We're leaving in about...15 minutes. Heading up to the movie theater for the first of four SOS Shoe Drive events in the month of April -- Shoes 'n' a Movie. Praying all goes well and that it is well-received by the community.

HR class merging with Spiritual Formation! :O)

2008-04-02T09:18:00.004-06:00

Another reflective post for my HR class...more to do with business, but it helped to articulate something of my views on ministry.

"My parents pastor a small, non-denominational church. Given, a church is not technically a "business," but there are many similarities. About ten years ago, we were at a convention in Nashville, TN--my brother and I attended the youth program there. I clearly recall the speaker (a pastor's kid talking to a group of pastor's kids) saying to us, with passion and certainty, that as pastor's kids we had an obligation to take up and carry on the ministry of our parents.

Ick! Now don't misunderstand me. It's a great calling...and as it turns out, I may have interests leaning slightly in that direction. But to lay it on a bunch of kids as their "obligation"? That stinks. Nothing would sink or sap a church of its life more quickly than having leadership in place only for the sake of familial obligation. And the same is true of any business. Unless, of course, it thrives on disinterest and begrudging participation--I say that tongue in cheek."

Thoughts on my "career"...

2008-03-31T10:06:00.002-06:00

Wrote this for a discussion posting in my Human Resources Management class...it turned out to be more reflective, thought-provoking that I had expected.

My personal experience with career development has been somewhat limited. But maybe “limited” is not the right word. I’ve worked a number of jobs and learned a lot about the workplace, people problems, and work ethics. I’ve discovered little things that I generally enjoy doing, but have found myself unable to settle into a single this-is-my-calling sort of job. There’s a tendency to look down on myself or feel somewhat “behind”—especially when I see friends my age succeeding along paths they seem to truly enjoy. The General Career Periods chart is actually kind of encouraging to me. I’m still a “twenty-something,” who can fit into the Early Career period—identifying interests and exploring different jobs. I sincerely hope that this not knowing what I want to do is just a phase.

My working life thus far has been…scattered. I worked for a couple of years in a franchised restaurant, then for a while in a small, privately-owned eatery. I enjoy cooking, serving, and even cleaning, but the frantic pace of the restaurant business is not something I’d care to settle into. Two years as a manager at a movie theater opened my eyes to the wonderful world of supervising teenagers and dealing with a plethora of customer service, um…issues. Threading projectors, splicing film, fixing mechanical problems….that was a lot of fun. Now I’m working for a small non-profit organization that I feel is lacking vision. I do a lot of office work and graphic design…overall enjoyable, however tedious it may be at times. Through all of these work experiences has been my ongoing, intense involvement with my church. I lead worship services, help with the kids program, and head-up the youth group. This has given me a LOT of experience in dealing with people.

The common thread running through my jobs at the theater, the non-profit, and my church...what intrigues me…is the idea of articulating and executing a vision. Re-imagining the organization…thinking about what it would look like if it were at its best….and then thinking about ways to help the organization become that. But I am more and more convinced that I want to help PEOPLE in living deep, abundant lives....not corporations improving the bottom line. That’s generally what I hope my work life is based on in 10, 20, 30 years. I just haven’t decided the context in which I’d like to do that sort of vision finding/casting/execution. I've thought about teaching...counseling. By the time I started cnsidering these, though, I had too many hours in business areas to change degree plans. The program I'm hoping to start for my master's is in Spiritual Formation and Leadership. This will be an aid to me in my personal life...and will help me to lead others into a with-God kind of life. But I've wondered if I should go for a degree in teaching or counseling instead....or maybe I'm already on the right track. Maybe the MSFL will help me to gain clarity on this.