Reign Over Me

Just watched this with Sam and Mom....a great, great movie. Heavy. It was interesting to see the relational issues and how communication plays such a vital role. Interesting how Charlie knew he needed help but avoided it so passionately. The very things he really needed to remember and talk about were the things he avoided thinking about--but so much of his life was centered around not remembering his family in ways directly related to things that happened when they were still alive.
We naturally avoid pain--but pain is often how we grow.

Wrestling with God

Genesis 32:22-32
But during the night he got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants, and his eleven children and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He got them safely across the brook along with all his possessions.
But Jacob stayed behind by himself, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he couldn't get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob's hip out of joint.
The man said, "Let me go; it's daybreak."
Jacob said, "I'm not letting you go 'til you bless me."
The man said," What's your name?"
He answered, "Jacob."
The man said, "But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it's Israel (God-Wrestler); you've wrestled with God and you've come through."

This is something I'm still pondering from my quiet time this morning. As I sat with this passage, I was restless and agitated. Why does this idea of wrestling with God make me so uncomfortable?

Is it because that's what I'm doing?
Is it because that's what I'm afraid to do?
Is it okay to wrestle with God?
Is winning a wrestling match with God actually a good thing?

Names are important. The name Jacob means "manipulator." What's the difference between being a manipulator and being a God-wrestler?
Jacob was trying to manipulate outcomes in his life--he was moving toward a good end (reconciliation with his brother), but with the wrong motives (his own comfort and well-being). I can see this tendency in my own life.

The Way of the Heart

"Three Fathers used to go and visit blessed Anthony every year and two of them used to discuss their thoughts and the salvation of their sould with him, but the third always remained silent and did not ask him anything. After a long time, Abba Anthony said to him: 'You often come here to see me, but you never ask me anything,' and the other replied, 'It is enough to see you, Father.' "

When we give ourselves over to solitude, silence, and true prayer, we don't need to worry about building up an effective ministry. As we allow our hearts to become one with God's heart, our living will itself be ministry to others.

(Thoughts upon completing Henri Nouwen's little book, "The Way of the Heart." Read it sometime.)

Christmas Light

I am not alone.
I am never alone.
Never in darkness...there's always a Light.
Never left on my own to look at the darkness of my heart.
He's come into our world,
become one of us,
prooved that, yes, we can.
It is possible
for a "mere human" to become God-like.
We were made in His image.
Sin made its appeal--we stooped to it.
It gained ground.
Now it's ingrained in our very souls.
We are ruined.
Ruined.
Ruined, but not without hope!
Christ's coming signaled the beginning
of an all-out restoration,
taken on by God.
He's restoring our souls.
He won't stop until it's complete.
Our part to play is simple:
Make room for Him to work.
Allow the Word to enter in--
as the Christ child did so long ago--
and put down roots,
and sprout,
and grow.
A light shines in our hearts.
There is hope!
We are, even now,
beginning to shine.
Rising up to become
what we were created to be.
Our Light has come.
Our Life has come.
And now it's time to Live it.

"Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD has risen upon you. For behold, darkness will cover the earth and deep darkness the peoples; but the LORD will rise upon you And His glory will appear upon you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising. Lift up your eyes round about and see..." Isaiah 60:1-4

Christmas light...

Just got home from church. It was a very different sort of Christmas service--it incorporated our "Jesse Tree," several paper mache characters that the youth group help create (they were beautiful), and a number of Scripture passages for different people in the congregation to read--not just the traditional passages either. Sandy did the music and did a great job--I really appreciated having a little break. I helped with some props and transitions, but I was able to watch the service and really take it all in. As I watched, I was struck with a fresh realization of what this season is actually about: God invading our world, actually becoming flesh and beginning the long, rich process of redeeming His people.
At one point in the service, Manheim Steamroller's "What Child is This?" played as the manger was set in place, a candle lit, and an ornament hung on the Jesse Tree. The music built up and everyone stood to watch the Baby Jesus carried down the aisle and gently placed in the manger. At the end of the service everyone gathered around the manger to share communion. It was beautiful.
It gives such meaning to the words "Abide in me as I abide in you..."

Newbie...

I'm new to the world of blogging, but I figured this might be a cool way to articulate some thoughts and keep in touch with family and friends.
I've just applied to Spring Arbor University...I plan to start on my master's program in August '08. Spiritual Formation and Leadership. I really believe God led me to this. A couple years back, we (Dad, Mom, Sam and I) were at Renovare international conference in Denver and we heard Gayle Beebe say something about a new program at this university. I blew it off at the time--I had other plans. I was considering going to seminary and getting an M.Div...but then I saw an ad in a magazine for Spring Arbor--with a blurb about the MSFL. I researched it...and wow. Check out the link sometime. We've been connected with Renovare for about 5 years, and I have come to really trust and respect the leading of that organization. The MSFL content is based on a lot of Renovare's materials. I'm really excited.
But between now and August, though, there's plenty on my plate. Plenty. I've got one class to finish my BAAS at ENMU. While I'm taking it this spring, I'm also going to be working on my HWG certification. I'd like to have the certification by mid to late summer so I can work at home when I start at SAU. But all in God's time. Breathe, Barb.