Friday, October 17, 2008

Butterflies on stampede in my stomach...

Yeah, ok..... keep breathing, Barb. It really is ok. Right now. Stay in the now. Deeeeeeep breathe.

Our second MSFL class officially opened tonight. Maybe it's just the typical "new class" anxiety, but right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed.

Yesterday I read something really great in Benedictine Daily Prayer. From the Psalms....that He knows me through and through. My resting and my rising. Every purpose in my heart. When I walk or lie down.
"Before ever a word is on my tongue you know it, O Lord, through and through. Behind and before you beseige me, your hand ever laid upon me...
O where can I go from your Spirit, or where can I flee from your face?"
Climb the heavens...
Lie in the grave...
Fly through to dawn...
journey to the end of the world....

Even there Your hand would lead me.

Even here your hand is leading me. Even here.

I am more and more certain...assured...that God is conducting the symphony of my life. When that first class started, He brought the theme of "letting go" before me. It's grown stronger and stronger. The same things I'm studying in my friday group are what this second class is kinda based on - the discipline of submission. Which requires letting go. This theme is coming at me from every direction. From my Fenelon readings, too.
"In this life there is no finished symphony..." But there is a symphony...playing continuously. Conducted by the Divine Hand.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. I am Yours, save me. Free me from care for myself. Let my life be motivated more and more fully only by Your unspeakably great love for me...teach me to love You. To let go of everything else...and love only You.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

hey barb,

my initial feeling after reading through the module was that this new one is going to be whole new ball game too...but as before...we are all in this together...and we'll make it through these first couple weeks, and then have our rhythm...

don't you love the community?

Barbara said...

Hey there! The fact that we're walking this road togeter is, I think, going to be a lifeline - and of course, learning to rest is Abba's great strength and love. Haha - and watching TV less to think and read and journal more! :)