impatience

"To become impatient is to want what we do not have, and not to want what we do have. In so doing, the soul is handed over to its passions, and neither reasoning nor faith can hold it back, so trouble is it. Such weakness! Such swerving away from the right path!
As long as we desire the soul-sickness that brings us suffering - to us it is not sickness - why would we make our sickness a reality by ceasing to desire it?
Inner peace exists not in the flesh but in the will. We can hold onto peace in the midst of the most violent suffering, as long as the will remains firm and submissive to God despite its abhorrence of the situation. Peace on this earth consists in accepting the things that are contrary to our desires, not in being exempted from suffering them, nor in being delivered from all temptations."
~Fenelon

Ha! What can I add to that?! I just keep running into this stuff. Letting go, surrender, submission, losing control....ya' think God's talkin' to me?

What is it that makes me think that I'm handling things on my own? People issues, work tasks, pressure to be "creative," family stuff, church problems.......it's all very, very heavy for a person who is waaaaaay too small to shoulder the load.
Letting go has been (and still is) a strong theme over the last few weeks. It makes so much sense, really. And wouldn't it make life a lot more fun? My brother teases me that I have a stunted sense of humor - or sporadic at least. And it's no wonder....afterall, if all the problems in the world are mine to carry, manage, manipulate, and express an opinion about, there wouldn't be much to laugh at.
Sabbath...I have a feeling this is step one. It's something I make half-hearted attempts at, but I heard Rob Bell talk about it some in Velvet Elvis. For one whole day....."produce" nothing, "accomplish" nothing, grasp for nothing but enjoying God, his world, and his love for me? Ohhh...that would be a breath of fresh air! Do I have the guts to actually DO this? I think.....I do.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

(Ok...I just thought I'd note: there is nothing pretty or easy about this prayer. It's a tough call to a radical life....of peace. :)

Ordinary Sacraments...again.

Ohhh....another quote from Nouwen: "When God took on flesh in Jesus Christ, the uncreated and the created, the eternal and the temporal, the divine and the human became united. This unity meant that all that is mortal now points to the immortal, all that is finite now points to the infinite. In and through Jesus all creation has become like a splendid veil, through which the face of God is revealed to us.This is called the sacramental quality of the created order. All that is is sacred because all that is speaks of God's redeeming love. Seas and winds, mountains and trees, sun, moon, and stars, and all the animals and people have become sacred windows offering us glimpses of God."

In a time of worship last night - alone - I was graced with one of those experiences of...just knowing His love. Reading in John 1 (such an amazing expression of His love) this morning, in the Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible, the footnotes asked: How does it impact the way we live out our creation to recognize it as the work not only of the Father, but of the entire trinity?

God the Father shows great love in creating us. And I am in no way trying to "down-play" this role....but I am particularly struck by the roles of God the Son and God the Spirit, The expression of God's love though the Incarnation communicates the great worth of our flesh-and-bone existence. Our lives here and now are not worthless, but priceless. The deep expression of love and trust in sending the Holy Spirit (thus designating us as the ongoing incarnation of Christ in the world - go chew on that for a while) adds infinitely more to the reality of Jesus' life on earth. Drolling through our lives with a religious emphasis on "heaven when we die" or on the "rapture," and overlooking the beauty and value of life here and now, regardless of the filth and pain that often comes with it...is an insult to His love for us!

If we really believed this...how would it change the ways we engage in life on a day to day basis?

Ordinary Sacraments

"Sacraments are very specific events in which God touches us through creation and transforms us into living Christs." ~Henri Nouwen

I long for the depth and fruitfulness of life seen in Brother Lawrence, Frank Laubach, and others like them. Where ordinary life is consistently lived as a sacrament - channels through which God touches our hearts, speaks into our lives, and does his transforming work. The "daily grind" holds potential for becoming every bit as holy and sacred as the Eucharist. We are, after all, the ongoing incarnation of God in the world.

Ohhhh, gotta get my hands on this. I had found the site a while back, but it was still in progress...Thanks for setting it back in front of me, Christianne!


The Ordinary Radicals - Trailer from Jamie Moffett on Vimeo.

What's in a name?

Growing up I was never really crazy about my name(s). It seemed like my friends had "cool" names....like Nicole or Alexis or Brittany. I've done some research....and rather changed my mind about my name.
First name is Hebrew, meaning: foreign/stranger, traveler from a foreign land
Middle name #1 is German, meaning: famous warrior (hmm...)
Middle name #2 is English, the fem. form of "John", meaning: God/Jehovah has been gracious
Last name is English, meaning: from the long meadow (path/roadway)

What about you? God likes names. He bestows them...he changes them - they mean something. They represent who we are.

Here's a random bit of silliness (I'm tired, it's been a long day, I could use some silliness:o).....other name options:
Bramblerose Bunce of Brockenborings (from a Hobbit name generator)
Slick Tony Moretti (pirate name generator)
Ingrid Ze Insightful (Harry Potter name generator)

Hmm...*grin* G'nite.

Jedidiah

Found this via Relevant Magazine yesterday....it's exciting to see businesses buiding stronger foundations in social justice.


Jedidiah Clothing: Who We Are from Jedidiah Clothing on Vimeo.

Innovative spirituality?

Doing a little research on creativity for the quarterly newsletter (at work), I've stumbled across this bit from Wikipedia....

"Creativity is typically used to refer to the act of producing new ideas, approaches or actions, while innovation is the process of both generating and applying such creative ideas in some specific context.
In the context of an organization, therefore, the term innovation is often used to refer to the entire process by which an organization generates creative new ideas and converts them into novel, useful and viable commercial products, services, and business practices, while the term creativity is reserved to apply specifically to the generation of novel ideas by individuals or groups, as a necessary step within the innovation process."

I wonder how this translates to spiritual formation? The ideas aren't historically novel, in that we're talking about practices that have been cultivated for thousands of years. But as we learn about these practices, these means of being conformed to His likeness, they are new for us. They are old ideas, planted freshly in our minds....like prayer of the heart, silent prayer, solitude, service, fasting, secrecy. Innovation moves us from talking about the ideas to experimenting with them. A classmate said it well this week: "It is not enough to stand on the other side of the gate simply admiring the view of what lays beyond."
There's a time to get up "off your arse" and just do it.

Contemplative prayer is like....

Contemplative prayer beckons me to loosen my strangle-hold on life. It whispers of a freedom, intimacy and joy in life that I have only barely tasted – a life of seeing and knowing God and others for who they are, instead of what I demand them to be. This life is….(gulp) just over the cliff. All I have to do is let go. Let go of managing my schedule, my health, my friendships, my relationship with God. Letting go of the many words and feral thought-life that plague me. Simple, right?

The problem is that this “managed” life is sooooo real to me. Like the cliff. Rock solid and “safe.” I don’t know what’s over the cliff! I only know that it appears to be a very long way down. And what will happen to my tidy packaging of life if I take the leap? Over the cliff can be a frightening place.

But that is where the light shines. And in those moments of solitude and silent prayer…those times when the Jesus Prayer settles so sweetly in my heart and trickles into the air around me…those seconds when typing emails at work becomes a holy sacrament…that is when I know that in letting go, in putting my full weight into the fall, I’ll find a Hand. Simple, silent, and still. It catches me gently and there I am held above the raging waters, finally free to be my true self, to love others as they are, and to live intimately with my Abba.

So my grip loosens…my shoulders relax…and with Luther’s prayer (“I am Yours, save me!”) as my only remaining “defense,” my hands open and I’m falling.

Lord, free me from care for myself.

Kidz Church

I had forgotten until yesterday that, with Mom preaching today, it would be my day to do Kidz Church. Not a big deal really, but....well, I had a day to get ready. So many times when I do Kidz Church alone, things fall sooooo flat. It's just very difficult to keep the attention of so many kids with such a wide age-range (about 3 to 14).

We've got Kidz Church scheduled to follow Foster's six Traditions - we do two months on each stream. We're on the Evangelical Tradition. Was it a coincidence that I recently finished Foster's chapter on this stream? I was going to grab an easy out - show a Veggie Tales or something, but decided not to. The first things Foster said should be done in practicing the Evangelical Tradition is to "get to know our Bibles." Well, how can you possibly do that with a bunch of kids who seem to loose interest at the very sight of a book, not to mention a rather thick book lacking pictures?

I cracked open Calhoun's Spiritual Disciplines Handbook....what a rich resource!! She's got a section on memorizing scripture....so I took that idea, along with all the scriptures and ideas she included in the section....and did what I could to set it in a "kid friendly" framework.

So....we (myself, a friend, and about ten kiddos) gathered around my laptop to look at pictures and talk about things we've memorized. We learned that memorizing stuff can be both easy and fun, and we looked at three reasons why we memorize words out of the Bible: it's a cure for boredom (the whole wandering mind problem), it gives us tools for life (watched a clip from Nim's Island), and...just 'cause it tastes good (we had some reeeeally yummy cookies to help us understand this). Then we worked together on a memory verse: "God, I love your words! I can't stop thinking about them!" Ps. 119:97. We paired the kids up, an older kid with a younger one, and had them work on writing our the verse and going over it with each other....and we played memory games to help us remember the verse.
I'm delighted to say....we had a blast.
Thanks, God.

Random thoughts

Help! The motorcycles are invading my town!!

Seriously.

This weekend is the big bike rally. Ick. Good for some people, but for me....uh-uh. I live near a major highway, I work near a major highway, I drive from home to work on a major highway in a car that has no air-conditioning (sooo....window down if I want to breathe). Fun, fun.

On a...quieter note, we're talking in class about contemplative prayer. Everything I'm reading about it, in books or on the discussion boards, whether I've heard it before or not, is bringing the contemplative tradition alive for me. The frustrating part is that my mind isn't big enough to hold all the information!! And when you're talking about contemplation, you're talking about not having a mind so busy with finding connections and applications...but a quiet mind that nurtures a quiet heart. I want to live a contemplative life....not just know lots of cool words about it.

On yet another note - Mom stopped by (at my work) and dropped off a box from Amazon! (I'm a junkie. I need Amazon-Anon) I got Adele Calhoun's Spiritual Disciplines Handbook (for my next class) and Frank Laubach's Prayer, The Mightiest Force in the World. Having been so focused on the contemplative tradition, my mind has repeatedly been brought back to Laubach's life and work. I figured I'd explore some of his writings beyond the letters to his father.
Hmm....not that I needed any more books. I've got more books than I can handle as it is. Erasmus once said......"When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes." That is sooooo literally me.

Mojo Wisdom

Mojo (for those of you wondering who this is, he is hands down the coolest professor I've had in my life) said something in class today....and I just had to share part of it. We're discussing contemplative prayer and lectio divina, a contemplative approach to reading Scripture. Here we go.....

"What is the relationship between head and heart—between information and transformation? For Augustine, conversion was not a matter of the intellect. He believed Christianity was true, he simply couldn’t do it. Peter Kreeft in Christianity for Modern Pagans insists: 'Christianity is not a hypothesis, it is a proposal of marriage.' (That’s my quote of the decade ;o). It is a matter of covenant commitment and submission, in other words, not of some intellectual formulae. 'You are reading?' queries Jerome. 'No. Your betrothed is talking to you, that is Christ, who is united with you.' Lectio is about passion, the burning longing and Eros Rolheiser alerts us to. 'Didn’t our hearts burn within us,' ask the two disciples who met Jesus on the Emmaus road. 'Didn’t they burn within us—when?—when he opened the Word to us, when he led us to the deeper understanding about the Christ.'"

A marriage propsal! My betrothed talking to me! Makes me want to go spend some time with the Scriptures.....

After a rain shower

Sitting out on the front porch for the tail end of a rain shower...spent some time in silent prayer and just listening to the sounds...Jesus, of course, was sitting in the chair next to me. :o)
When the rain was falling, everything actually seemed quieter. As it stopped, the sounds of traffic on the highway (motors running and tires swishing over the wet pavement) and chainsaws running (at the new "bear mall" across the street) took over. But even with that it's possible to find silence. Listening carefully....you can "peel back" a layer of sound to reveal another and another and another....until you really can hear the silence from which all these sounds emerge. This sounds crazy, doesn't it? Oh well. If I gotta loose my mind, it'd be better to loose it on the front porch in God's Presence than anxious and busy on the job or...whatever.
Back to the layers...
Peel back the most obvious sounds...and you can hear the phone ringing in the house and water coming off the roof to splash rather noisily into the grass. Peel that back...you can hear birds twittering. Peel that back....you hear your own breathing. Take it deeper and deeper...until you're finally aware of this constant undertone of silence. It's really there! Listen to it for a minute or two and you'll find your body relaxing, your mind and heart opening up....and there's peace. And joy. And contentment.
...then a motorcycle brooooooooommmmms through the quiet.
But can the body, mind, and heart continue to rest in the silence in the midst of outward noise?

The deconstructive effects of silence/solitude

"When we discover ourselves "hidden with Christ in God," we don't need any kind of self-image at all. I hope this doesn't sound too esoteric, because it isn't; it's what happens in true prayer.
This is what will happen when we expose ourselves to silence and stop exposing ourselves to the judgments of the world; when we stop continuously "picking up" the energy of others; when we stop thinking about what others think of us and what they take us to be. We are who we are in God—no more and no less." ~Richard Rohr

I usually thing of silence as....quiet. There's inner silence, outer silence....there's even a sort of an undertone of silence that can be heard regardless of the noises going on around you. But it's even more than this. Mulholland (Invitation to a Journey) defines silence as "the deep inner reversal of that grasping, controlling mode of being that so characterizes life in our culture...relinquishing to God our control of our relationship with God"(pp 136-137). Nouwen (Way of the Heart) says that silence keeps us from becoming entangled in the world, from extinguishing the inner fire of God's Spirit, and from slipping into the wasteful use of words that is so prevalent in our world.

Solitude has a more outward quality to it. Going to a place apart...alone. But it is even more than this. Both Mulholland and Nouwen look at solitude as an unmasking of sorts. The (sometimes painful) tearing away of the many faces, fluffs and scaffolds wrenched, hammered, and soaked into us by the surrounding culture/society. It is the "furnace of transformation," where all that is not truly me is incinerated, completely demolished. Gee. Sounds like fun.

Silence, Nouwen says, is solitude in action - solitude taken out of a place apart and carried into the daily grind. Silence "completes and intensifies" solitude. So they are inseparably linked. And they work together at the task of creative demolition. What a beautiful mess.

Spiritual Formation.....one definition.

Spiritual Formation is the ongoing incarnation of Jesus though a graceful emerging of His character and life in, through and around us.

In response to God’s love for us, with Christ as the example, we live to conform to the will of God. But, it is not by our own will or strength, but by the Spirit of God working in us, daily working out our Salvation. Thus, we grow into the relationship God has called us to, with Him, and with the community before, around, and ahead of us. Amongst these relationships we live out God’s call to serve, understanding that service is an outpouring of the work God is doing in us. This way of life, is one that brings life. God is offering it, it our responsibility to choose it.

There are 7 components of this formation:

1. Transformation – a journey of being transformed into the image of Jesus, with humility, gratitude, obedience and trustworthiness ("until Christ is formed in you." Gal 4:19b) (Genesis 1:26 “. . . Let us make man in our image. . .”)

2. Conformation – conforming to the will of God in obedience; living an incarnate life, seeking a different path, a complete change ("For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son ... " Romans 8:29) ("If you love me, you will obey what I command." Jn 14:15) (Romans 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world . . .)

3. By the Spirit –with the grace-filled Spirit of God working in us ("continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Phil 2:12-13)

4. Relationship - growing into a relationship with God, with our neighbors, and with a church community. Because “we are Christ’s body”, and we are the “skin” of God here on earth, this community is a central and essential aspect of faith and formation. ("Love the Lord your God with all your heart. . . Love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:30&31) ( … "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" Eph 5:21) ( … "Let us consider how we may spur one another on. . . let us encourage one another" Heb 10:24&25)

5. For the sake of others - becoming in the image of One who gave Himself completely, absolutely and unconditionally for others ("love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:31 … "My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one. . ." John 15:12&13) One responsibility as we grow is to "radiate the compassion and love of God... in our actions" (HL, 102). "The last thing that Jesus asked of us before he ascended, was that we go to all peoples and nations and preach his presence" (HL, 102).

6. Engaged – a process in which we much be involved, active, and receptive to God’s Word, leading, and will (". . continue to work out your salvation. . . it is God who works in you. . . Phil 2:12b & 13 … ".) (. . let us throw off everything that hinders. . . and let us run with perseverance. . . Heb. 12:1b) ( … "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised" Heb 10:36) Part of this engagement component is a disciplined life – using and developing spiritual disciplines for growth; releasing ourselves in a consistent manner to God for His transforming work in our lives ("Take my yoke upon you, my yoke is easy and my burden is light" Matt 11:29 & 30) ( . . ."live a life worthy of the calling you have received" Eph 4:1) (James 1: 2 - 4 "Consider it pure joy . . . so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything")

7. Wholistic: "channeling our energies/longings – the fire inside - to bring integration and wholeness; saying 'yes' to God at each point of unlikeness; nurturing preference and shadow sides; coming out of our brokenness into wholeness in Christ" ("Forgetting what is behind and straining for what is ahead, I press on . . ." Phil 3:13b & 14) (". . . become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ" Eph 4:13b)

(This is the definition my team came up with this week.....Go BLUE!)

Aw, yeeeaaahh...

I just got my plaaaaaaaane tickets for the first January residency (J-term). We got some of the details yesterday....it's going to be amazing. The speakers/leaders, the place (Philadelphia)....and the people - my cohort members and I will be meeting face-to-face for the first time. That is exciting.

"Everything we do spiritually is to help wake us from slumbering forgetfulness."
~MoJo

...treasure from an Irish poet.

On its way through the innocent night,

The moth is ambushed by the light,

Becomes glued to a window

Where a candle burns; its whole self,

Its dreams of flight and all desire

Trapped in one glazed gaze;

Now nothing else can satisfy

But the deadly beauty of flame.

When you lose the feel

For all other belonging

And what is truly near

Becomes distant and ghostly,

And you are visited

And claimed by a simplicity

Sinister in its singularity,

No longer yourself, your mind

And will owned and steered

From elsewhere now,

You would sacrifice anything

To dance once more to the haunted

Music with your fatal beloved

Who owns the eyes of your heart.

These words of blessing cannot

Reach, even as echoes,

To the shore of where you are,

Yet may they work without you

To soften some slight line through

To the white cave where

Your soul is captive.

May some glimmer

Of outside light reach your eyes

To help you recognize how

You have fallen for a vampire.

May you crash hard and soon

Onto real ground again

Where this fundamentalist

Shell might start to crack

For you to hear

Again your own echo.

That your lost lonesome heart

Might learn to cry out

For the true intimacy

Of love that waits

To take you home

To where you are known

And seen and where

Your life is treasured

Beyond every frontier

Of despair you have crossed.

(The blessing: John O'Donohue's "For an Addict" ~ The image: my creation, symbolic of so many thoughts swirling in my mind this week)

waking up

Something in me has been "sleepy" for so long. Inattentive. Bland. But now....I feel like I'm slowly coming awake.
The reading I've been doing for class has certainly been part of it. But I am moved to tears as I think about the community developing in our online classroom. There is such openness... received with such love. As I read others' thoughts on the dicussion boards, I begin to see that so many things I have struggled with are not completely unique to me. I'm not alone in my weaknesses, my desires. Some of the posts have even opened my eyes to struggles/desires in me...that I didn't realize I had! What grace. Oh God, we are broken. Make us worthy vessels for your Spirit. Teach us to receive your grace and turn again to pour it out for each other.

If I had a year to live...

Dr. Mojo (my professor) asked this question yesterday. It's been on my mind a lot.

If I had a year to live, I would...
-Stop comparing myself to others and instead ask How is God speaking to me through this person?...And worry much less about what people think of me...and more about other people and their needs.
-Talk less, listen more...attentively.
-Make (particularly family) relationships right before God.
-Spend a lot more time with God and with others - that whole being/doing thing again!
-Publish a kids' story that's been sitting on my desk for a couple years.
-Take dance lessons.
-Cancel my health insurance :)

It's hard to really put yourself in this frame of mind, you know? It shouldn't be, though...since life really is a fragile thing and every breath a gift. It should be near the surface of our awareness continually. Teach us, dear Lord, to number our days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

New look!

My blog got a face lift! This look is so much more...me.

Bleed Into One

This was on a friend's blog...I have to wonder when Christians are going to stop protesting things and start being what the world needs.

SAU - Week Two?!

Starting my third week already. Week 1 was orientation...getting used to the interface, where to find things, etc. I've taken so many online classes before that it's coming easily. And my job situation is such that I can check the discussion boards before the new posts pile up on me. I feel kinda guilty, really....so many in the class have been struggling with the technology aspect of it and with having so many new posts to read - feeling very overwhelmed. I don't know how to help.

This week's reading was in Invitation to a Journey, Streams of Living Water, and Out of Solitude. Rich, rich, rich! I wish I'd kept better notes. Oh, well. I'll begin again on the week three readings.
The assignment this week is to write, submit, and discuss our Personal/Spiritual Profile and Narrative. A spiritual autobiography of sorts. I thoroughly enjoyed writing it...there was a lot of digging around, and some of it hurt. Some things I really, really, really, really didn't want to post in front of the whole class, but that couldn't be ignored as a major spiritual turning point in my life. In the interest of authenticity and brokenness, I "let it all hang out."

Starting the reading for next week now...in The Holy Longing and Invitation to a Journey. We'll be defining "spiritual formation".....and it only gets better!!

Thank you, Abba, for leading me to this path. Strengthen my friends and me by your grace to enter Your Community...to breathe in the readings and let them infuse our daily living.

Standing By

In Rembrandt’s painting of the prodigal, the character(s) I identify with may vary from day to day, moment to moment, depending on who I am with, what I am doing, my hormonal balance, the weather conditions, and just about anything else! Sometimes I feel the brokenness of the prodigal; sometimes the anger and judgment of the brother; and every once in a while I offer someone the love of the Father. Overall, though, I am generally the man in the very back. Hidden. Awkward. Not quite fitting in anywhere. Looking on the scene with longing. Learning by others’ actions the value of being “defective,” wrecked, broken.

Who are you?