making the move

Ok...I've made the decision. I'm moving.

Haha.

My blog. I'm moving my blog. :) Thanks to my friend Paul, I've discovered how to switch over (almost) painlessly. The new location is.........
http://kingdomstrider.wordpress.com

I still have to move a bunch of links and stuff over, but that's where I'll be posting from now on.
Hope you follow me there!!

Ok....my friend is just too sweet.

A friend on Facebook posted a note:

"Leave your name in my note comments.Once you do that, this is what I'll do ... (I will respond to you here on my notes page)
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
7. If you play, you MUST post this on your blog.
I'll tag you when I've written my responses."

And I will now do my part. :) Her response....

"1. Your laugh is so infectious. When I hear you laugh I can't help but laugh too!
2. This is a toughie...hmm...I think...XD You're gonna kill me. The Laughing Song!!!!
3. AMOEBA!
4. When Zannie took me to puppet practice and you were so tall...then we did the show together with the frogs and I was the fly you ate. :)
5. You remind me so much of a puppy...you're eager and happy and fun to be around.
6. When are we going to have our movie night? XDD Just kidding, just kidding...how and when did you learn how to play guitar so well?"

See what I mean? Too sweet.

Butterflies on stampede in my stomach...

Yeah, ok..... keep breathing, Barb. It really is ok. Right now. Stay in the now. Deeeeeeep breathe.

Our second MSFL class officially opened tonight. Maybe it's just the typical "new class" anxiety, but right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed.

Yesterday I read something really great in Benedictine Daily Prayer. From the Psalms....that He knows me through and through. My resting and my rising. Every purpose in my heart. When I walk or lie down.
"Before ever a word is on my tongue you know it, O Lord, through and through. Behind and before you beseige me, your hand ever laid upon me...
O where can I go from your Spirit, or where can I flee from your face?"
Climb the heavens...
Lie in the grave...
Fly through to dawn...
journey to the end of the world....

Even there Your hand would lead me.

Even here your hand is leading me. Even here.

I am more and more certain...assured...that God is conducting the symphony of my life. When that first class started, He brought the theme of "letting go" before me. It's grown stronger and stronger. The same things I'm studying in my friday group are what this second class is kinda based on - the discipline of submission. Which requires letting go. This theme is coming at me from every direction. From my Fenelon readings, too.
"In this life there is no finished symphony..." But there is a symphony...playing continuously. Conducted by the Divine Hand.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. I am Yours, save me. Free me from care for myself. Let my life be motivated more and more fully only by Your unspeakably great love for me...teach me to love You. To let go of everything else...and love only You.

my other blog

It's still new, but I just needed a place to store the TONS of amazing words coming at me though class readings and various emails. Be prepared for a lot of Nouwen. :)

Words 2 Live By

Kidz Church

I had forgotten until yesterday that, with Mom preaching today, it would be my day to do Kidz Church. Not a big deal really, but....well, I had a day to get ready. So many times when I do Kidz Church alone, things fall sooooo flat. It's just very difficult to keep the attention of so many kids with such a wide age-range (about 3 to 14).

We've got Kidz Church scheduled to follow Foster's six Traditions - we do two months on each stream. We're on the Evangelical Tradition. Was it a coincidence that I recently finished Foster's chapter on this stream? I was going to grab an easy out - show a Veggie Tales or something, but decided not to. The first things Foster said should be done in practicing the Evangelical Tradition is to "get to know our Bibles." Well, how can you possibly do that with a bunch of kids who seem to loose interest at the very sight of a book, not to mention a rather thick book lacking pictures?

I cracked open Calhoun's Spiritual Disciplines Handbook....what a rich resource!! She's got a section on memorizing scripture....so I took that idea, along with all the scriptures and ideas she included in the section....and did what I could to set it in a "kid friendly" framework.

So....we (myself, a friend, and about ten kiddos) gathered around my laptop to look at pictures and talk about things we've memorized. We learned that memorizing stuff can be both easy and fun, and we looked at three reasons why we memorize words out of the Bible: it's a cure for boredom (the whole wandering mind problem), it gives us tools for life (watched a clip from Nim's Island), and...just 'cause it tastes good (we had some reeeeally yummy cookies to help us understand this). Then we worked together on a memory verse: "God, I love your words! I can't stop thinking about them!" Ps. 119:97. We paired the kids up, an older kid with a younger one, and had them work on writing our the verse and going over it with each other....and we played memory games to help us remember the verse.
I'm delighted to say....we had a blast.
Thanks, God.

Random thoughts

Help! The motorcycles are invading my town!!

Seriously.

This weekend is the big bike rally. Ick. Good for some people, but for me....uh-uh. I live near a major highway, I work near a major highway, I drive from home to work on a major highway in a car that has no air-conditioning (sooo....window down if I want to breathe). Fun, fun.

On a...quieter note, we're talking in class about contemplative prayer. Everything I'm reading about it, in books or on the discussion boards, whether I've heard it before or not, is bringing the contemplative tradition alive for me. The frustrating part is that my mind isn't big enough to hold all the information!! And when you're talking about contemplation, you're talking about not having a mind so busy with finding connections and applications...but a quiet mind that nurtures a quiet heart. I want to live a contemplative life....not just know lots of cool words about it.

On yet another note - Mom stopped by (at my work) and dropped off a box from Amazon! (I'm a junkie. I need Amazon-Anon) I got Adele Calhoun's Spiritual Disciplines Handbook (for my next class) and Frank Laubach's Prayer, The Mightiest Force in the World. Having been so focused on the contemplative tradition, my mind has repeatedly been brought back to Laubach's life and work. I figured I'd explore some of his writings beyond the letters to his father.
Hmm....not that I needed any more books. I've got more books than I can handle as it is. Erasmus once said......"When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes." That is sooooo literally me.

Aw, yeeeaaahh...

I just got my plaaaaaaaane tickets for the first January residency (J-term). We got some of the details yesterday....it's going to be amazing. The speakers/leaders, the place (Philadelphia)....and the people - my cohort members and I will be meeting face-to-face for the first time. That is exciting.

SAU - Week Two?!

Starting my third week already. Week 1 was orientation...getting used to the interface, where to find things, etc. I've taken so many online classes before that it's coming easily. And my job situation is such that I can check the discussion boards before the new posts pile up on me. I feel kinda guilty, really....so many in the class have been struggling with the technology aspect of it and with having so many new posts to read - feeling very overwhelmed. I don't know how to help.

This week's reading was in Invitation to a Journey, Streams of Living Water, and Out of Solitude. Rich, rich, rich! I wish I'd kept better notes. Oh, well. I'll begin again on the week three readings.
The assignment this week is to write, submit, and discuss our Personal/Spiritual Profile and Narrative. A spiritual autobiography of sorts. I thoroughly enjoyed writing it...there was a lot of digging around, and some of it hurt. Some things I really, really, really, really didn't want to post in front of the whole class, but that couldn't be ignored as a major spiritual turning point in my life. In the interest of authenticity and brokenness, I "let it all hang out."

Starting the reading for next week now...in The Holy Longing and Invitation to a Journey. We'll be defining "spiritual formation".....and it only gets better!!

Thank you, Abba, for leading me to this path. Strengthen my friends and me by your grace to enter Your Community...to breathe in the readings and let them infuse our daily living.

Birthdays!

Happy birthday to Mom (Aug 13) and Sam(today)!! Two people who are very, very precious to me. John O'Donohue calls a birthday "the echoing-day of your birth"...
Today we're off to celebrate!

Just...wow.

Spent two hours at a concert tonight. Ruidoso's Chamber Music Festival. I was given a ticket for tonight's concert: Alexander Kobrin. It was amazing. Truly astounding....breathtaking. I've never really exposed myself to much in the way of classical music....I found myself swept away with the movement, the emotion evident in the composition...and hypnotized by the movement of Kobrin's hands over the instrument. No one can truly claim to be a musician unless they have mastered an intrument like that!
A tremendous amount of discipline....resulting in such....beauty.

http://www.alexkobrin.com/

The happening...

Well, with (now...starting today!) two part-time jobs, church work, house work, and occasional graphic design jobs....I've been going non-stop. Except for my quiet times in the mornings and my fairly relazed evenings. And there are moments of quiet throughout the day - if not in my circumstances, then at least in my heart.

From this morning's meditation:
In God alone be at rest, O my soul. There is no rest to be found in others' approval. There is no rest to be found in productivity...accomplishments...a "perfect" schedule...money...an "attractive" body...In God alone.

In God alone be at rest, O my soul.

O my soul.

In God alone be at rest.

At rest.

In God alone be...be. Be.

In God alone...alone. Alone.

In God.

I'm baaack...

Went on a retreat to Pecos Benedictine Monastery, June 5-today. Just got home. I went not really knowing what to expect...and now I'm coming home not knowing what to expect. The problem of re-entry! I will post some of my retreat journalings in the days to come.

Onward!!!!!

I just received an email from Spring Arbor University.....like, just received it. I've been accepted for the online graduate program in Spiritual Formation and Leadership! I start on August 25. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for this letter. Now I'm wondering, Oh, my God...am I really ready for this??? But if He's brought me to it, He will bring me through it. He is my hiding place.

By the way, thanks Abba. By Your grace, I will glorify you in this.

Loneliness?

"An impatient person is unwilling to wait upon God." ~J. Kang

Patience is key; a virtue that does not come easily or naturally to me. Yet if I had it...much of the pressure I feel to move ahead would dissolve. And it is a hot pressure. I feel it. I succumb to it--more often than I'd like to admit. A person who waits on God's timing will most likely not be moving, at least in certain ways, according to the unspoken and omnipresent timeline of society.

Think about it - what the reward of patience would be...

Less pressure now to move, move, move.

Greater peace.

A quieter heart - more able to know His heart.

The best long-term result

A better formed/forming heart.

Isn't this more attractive to me than always pushing ahead, pressured for the temporal pleasure of fitting in to the society that surrounds me? Like Juno, I find that normalcy just isn't really my thing. As far as major life transitions...I haven't been much for following the "timeline" that so many people seem to expect. And is there anything really wrong with that?

So why continue allowing that pressure to affect me?

"A waiting moment will never be a wasted moment." ~J. Kang

"If this entire universe is a desperate attempt of love to incarnate itself, then 'important duties' which keep us from helping little people are not duties but sins - or am I all the while trying to justify my own failure?" ~Frank Laubach

Everything in the surrounding culture would tell me that I am somehow failing because I am "behind" - meaning that I have not, at my age, accomplished the things "normally" accomplished by an individual at my age. But perhaps the duties of normalcy are, or can be, sins that keep me so busy with my own life/accomplishments that I have no time to do things that God would have me do.

Ahhhhh....

Done. I graduated today. Feels good. I didn't want to walk at first, but I'm glad I did. It makes the accomplishment more meaningful. I also got to see Ms. Wills and Mr. McCullough -- my two greatest professors....I'm going to miss them.

I can't wait for Mom to finish up her degree and walk!

HR class merging with Spiritual Formation! :O)

Another reflective post for my HR class...more to do with business, but it helped to articulate something of my views on ministry.


"My parents pastor a small, non-denominational church. Given, a church is not technically a "business," but there are many similarities. About ten years ago, we were at a convention in Nashville, TN--my brother and I attended the youth program there. I clearly recall the speaker (a pastor's kid talking to a group of pastor's kids) saying to us, with passion and certainty, that as pastor's kids we had an obligation to take up and carry on the ministry of our parents.

Ick! Now don't misunderstand me. It's a great calling...and as it turns out, I may have interests leaning slightly in that direction. But to lay it on a bunch of kids as their "obligation"? That stinks. Nothing would sink or sap a church of its life more quickly than having leadership in place only for the sake of familial obligation. And the same is true of any business. Unless, of course, it thrives on disinterest and begrudging participation--I say that tongue in cheek."

Thoughts on my "career"...

Wrote this for a discussion posting in my Human Resources Management class...it turned out to be more reflective, thought-provoking that I had expected.

My personal experience with career development has been somewhat limited. But maybe “limited” is not the right word. I’ve worked a number of jobs and learned a lot about the workplace, people problems, and work ethics. I’ve discovered little things that I generally enjoy doing, but have found myself unable to settle into a single this-is-my-calling sort of job. There’s a tendency to look down on myself or feel somewhat “behind”—especially when I see friends my age succeeding along paths they seem to truly enjoy. The General Career Periods chart is actually kind of encouraging to me. I’m still a “twenty-something,” who can fit into the Early Career period—identifying interests and exploring different jobs. I sincerely hope that this not knowing what I want to do is just a phase.

My working life thus far has been…scattered. I worked for a couple of years in a franchised restaurant, then for a while in a small, privately-owned eatery. I enjoy cooking, serving, and even cleaning, but the frantic pace of the restaurant business is not something I’d care to settle into. Two years as a manager at a movie theater opened my eyes to the wonderful world of supervising teenagers and dealing with a plethora of customer service, um…issues. Threading projectors, splicing film, fixing mechanical problems….that was a lot of fun. Now I’m working for a small non-profit organization that I feel is lacking vision. I do a lot of office work and graphic design…overall enjoyable, however tedious it may be at times. Through all of these work experiences has been my ongoing, intense involvement with my church. I lead worship services, help with the kids program, and head-up the youth group. This has given me a LOT of experience in dealing with people.

The common thread running through my jobs at the theater, the non-profit, and my church...what intrigues me…is the idea of articulating and executing a vision. Re-imagining the organization…thinking about what it would look like if it were at its best….and then thinking about ways to help the organization become that. But I am more and more convinced that I want to help PEOPLE in living deep, abundant lives....not corporations improving the bottom line. That’s generally what I hope my work life is based on in 10, 20, 30 years. I just haven’t decided the context in which I’d like to do that sort of vision finding/casting/execution. I've thought about teaching...counseling. By the time I started cnsidering these, though, I had too many hours in business areas to change degree plans. The program I'm hoping to start for my master's is in Spiritual Formation and Leadership. This will be an aid to me in my personal life...and will help me to lead others into a with-God kind of life. But I've wondered if I should go for a degree in teaching or counseling instead....or maybe I'm already on the right track. Maybe the MSFL will help me to gain clarity on this.

Buckner in Honduras...

Things are progressing with the shoe drive. These kinds of activities can so easily become just another thing to do. I read an article on Buckner's site the other day that reminded me of the reason we're doing the drive...reminded me that what we're doing really is going to change lives.

Honduras Ready for Buckner Aid

Talking to a member of the youth group last night, I got a glimpse into another heart for service. Zannie was planning on school-related trip to Europe--she decided not to go, not just because of the money. She said she'd rather give the time/effort/money to helping others. Cool, huh? From a high school junior.

Love God, Love people. Isn't that Christ's command? But doing so will require getting off our collective butt and acting on behalf of others.

Whew!

Well, well, well. A while back, I sent an email out to various contacts through the RRCA (where I work)...fishing for business, you might say. I said I was available to do simple design work (business cards and the like) for individuals, small businesses, and non-profits at an affordable price. About two weeks ago, I got a call from someone with the Ruidoso Chamber Music Festival about designing their 2008 brochure! Kind of a big deal, really, since they send their stuff out all over the country. Anyway...I met with them last week and they talked to me about what they had in mind. I worked on a layout and color scheme all this week and met with them again this afternoon to show them what I came up with. They loved it! Truly a relief because, to be honest, I'm not very confident in my design skills...yet.
So...they were very pleased, I'll be finishing it up this week and getting it ready to go to the printer. I'm not making much at it--but they're giving me some ad space in their program, so that'll help get the word out. Besides, it kinda feels good to do something for less than its really (by industry standards) worth...for an organization who really does need it.

Other happenings....let's see. My graduation "duds" have been ordered - I'm almost there! The certification classes with HWG-IWA are going well...I've completed two and will be starting three more on March 17. That will meet all the requirements for the first certificate....then I'll move on to the other two. I'm really hoping that these classes, combined with summer training at Lynda.com will prepare me to work from home come August.

The SOS Shoe Drive is coming along. Sandy (at the newspaper) has been sooooo helpful and supportive. I don't think anyone who picks up a local newspaper will be able to get away from it without learning about the drive. Praying for grace from God and favor with the community.

With all of this going on....it can be difficult to stay fully present to Now. But..."I am convinced that [the every-day happenings of life, my accomplishments/failures, and the dis/approval of others] nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (From Romans 8....my paraphrase, obviously).

Taking a break from working on the autobiographical essay for my SAU application. What a process! I have difficulty articulating things clearly--I know what I want to say, but often have difficulty putting it into words. And there's this nagging fear...that it/I won't measure up. I follow the blogs of some of the students currently in the MSFL program...their writing is so clear and--well, good! I guess that as my application packet is coming together, I'm realizing that there is the possibility that I won't be accepted. That scares me. This is something I want to do so badly, something that would benefit myself and others so much.

Thinking about this yesterday, I asked myself, "What would you do if Spring Arbor didn't accept you? Where would you go from there?"
The answer: I'd keep on at the reading, searching, discovering. I'd relax and rest in the hand of His care. There is nothing I truly need that He will not provide.