Ouch

Found this on a blog I just started following - Becoming Like Jesus. Touching on some major realities....





"Church is not a place for questions....it's a place for answers"? God grant us grace to turn the world upside down.

pondering love

"Let them ponder the love of the Lord..."
(A phrase from Benedictine Daily Prayer that grabbed at me this morning)

Richard Rohr or someone I read recently (been doing my share of reading, you know) said that the grace-filled life, this way of spiritual formation, must be grounded in an experience and awareness of God's unfathomable love.
To ponder this love...would, I think, catapult us into a fuller experience of it - where we are more aware and attentive to His love throughout the day.

Ponder the love of the Lord. Ponder. I love that word!

The love of the Lord - where do I see evidence of it? I could look at various material and circumstantial provisions... perhaps He does show His love for us in this way. But it's got to go far beyond this, or we'd have to say He doesn't much love the child soldiers of Africa or the starving masses in Haiti. Perhaps His love is more evident in the many gifts we overlook. The momentary treasures (He is, afterall, found in the Present Moment) that we take for granted (this may sound romanticized, but bear with me)... the feel of the wind on our cheeks, the warmth of the sun on our backs...the gifts of sight and hearing, color and sound. Breath. Oh, what about this idea that He created our bodies to be as dependent on breath as our souls are dependent on Him? Or the knowledge that His longing for full relationship with me is deeper and more cutting than our most severe pangs of homesickness or any other tension we are forced to embrace.

Here….Nouwen knocks ‘em dead every time:
“This inexhaustible love between the Father and the Son includes and yet transcends all forms of love known to us. It includes the love of a father and mother, a brother and sister, a husband and wife, a teacher and friend. Bit it also goes far beyond the many limited and limiting human experiences of love we know. It is a caring yet demanding love. It is a supportive yet severe love. It is a gentle yet strong love. It is a love that gives life yet accepts death. In this divine love Jesus was sent into the world, to this divine love Jesus offered himself on the cross. This all-embracing love, which epitomizes the relationship between the Father and the Son, is a divine Person, coequal with the Father and the Son. It has a personal name. It is called the Holy Spirit.” (Making All Things New 48-49)

Questions in my journal that I plan to follow up on:
-Where do I see evidence of His love throughout the day – in every moment and place?
-If I were to find or create a picture that represents His love (as best I can understand it), what would it be like? What would it in/exclude? What objects, colors, shapes, textures?

reality check

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take."

A familiar prayer to most. I always thought it was kinda morbid. Tonight I found out there's a second, not-so-popular verse:
"Our days begin with trouble here,
Our life is but a span,
And cruel death is always near,
So frail a thing is man."

Ah, sweet dreams, my child. But really....how would we live life differently if we were RAISED with a greater awareness that we are "but a breath"?

What is it that makes me think that I'm handling things on my own? People issues, work tasks, pressure to be "creative," family stuff, church problems.......it's all very, very heavy for a person who is waaaaaay too small to shoulder the load.
Letting go has been (and still is) a strong theme over the last few weeks. It makes so much sense, really. And wouldn't it make life a lot more fun? My brother teases me that I have a stunted sense of humor - or sporadic at least. And it's no wonder....afterall, if all the problems in the world are mine to carry, manage, manipulate, and express an opinion about, there wouldn't be much to laugh at.
Sabbath...I have a feeling this is step one. It's something I make half-hearted attempts at, but I heard Rob Bell talk about it some in Velvet Elvis. For one whole day....."produce" nothing, "accomplish" nothing, grasp for nothing but enjoying God, his world, and his love for me? Ohhh...that would be a breath of fresh air! Do I have the guts to actually DO this? I think.....I do.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

(Ok...I just thought I'd note: there is nothing pretty or easy about this prayer. It's a tough call to a radical life....of peace. :)

Ordinary Sacraments...again.

Ohhh....another quote from Nouwen: "When God took on flesh in Jesus Christ, the uncreated and the created, the eternal and the temporal, the divine and the human became united. This unity meant that all that is mortal now points to the immortal, all that is finite now points to the infinite. In and through Jesus all creation has become like a splendid veil, through which the face of God is revealed to us.This is called the sacramental quality of the created order. All that is is sacred because all that is speaks of God's redeeming love. Seas and winds, mountains and trees, sun, moon, and stars, and all the animals and people have become sacred windows offering us glimpses of God."

In a time of worship last night - alone - I was graced with one of those experiences of...just knowing His love. Reading in John 1 (such an amazing expression of His love) this morning, in the Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible, the footnotes asked: How does it impact the way we live out our creation to recognize it as the work not only of the Father, but of the entire trinity?

God the Father shows great love in creating us. And I am in no way trying to "down-play" this role....but I am particularly struck by the roles of God the Son and God the Spirit, The expression of God's love though the Incarnation communicates the great worth of our flesh-and-bone existence. Our lives here and now are not worthless, but priceless. The deep expression of love and trust in sending the Holy Spirit (thus designating us as the ongoing incarnation of Christ in the world - go chew on that for a while) adds infinitely more to the reality of Jesus' life on earth. Drolling through our lives with a religious emphasis on "heaven when we die" or on the "rapture," and overlooking the beauty and value of life here and now, regardless of the filth and pain that often comes with it...is an insult to His love for us!

If we really believed this...how would it change the ways we engage in life on a day to day basis?

After a rain shower

Sitting out on the front porch for the tail end of a rain shower...spent some time in silent prayer and just listening to the sounds...Jesus, of course, was sitting in the chair next to me. :o)
When the rain was falling, everything actually seemed quieter. As it stopped, the sounds of traffic on the highway (motors running and tires swishing over the wet pavement) and chainsaws running (at the new "bear mall" across the street) took over. But even with that it's possible to find silence. Listening carefully....you can "peel back" a layer of sound to reveal another and another and another....until you really can hear the silence from which all these sounds emerge. This sounds crazy, doesn't it? Oh well. If I gotta loose my mind, it'd be better to loose it on the front porch in God's Presence than anxious and busy on the job or...whatever.
Back to the layers...
Peel back the most obvious sounds...and you can hear the phone ringing in the house and water coming off the roof to splash rather noisily into the grass. Peel that back...you can hear birds twittering. Peel that back....you hear your own breathing. Take it deeper and deeper...until you're finally aware of this constant undertone of silence. It's really there! Listen to it for a minute or two and you'll find your body relaxing, your mind and heart opening up....and there's peace. And joy. And contentment.
...then a motorcycle brooooooooommmmms through the quiet.
But can the body, mind, and heart continue to rest in the silence in the midst of outward noise?

If I had a year to live...

Dr. Mojo (my professor) asked this question yesterday. It's been on my mind a lot.

If I had a year to live, I would...
-Stop comparing myself to others and instead ask How is God speaking to me through this person?...And worry much less about what people think of me...and more about other people and their needs.
-Talk less, listen more...attentively.
-Make (particularly family) relationships right before God.
-Spend a lot more time with God and with others - that whole being/doing thing again!
-Publish a kids' story that's been sitting on my desk for a couple years.
-Take dance lessons.
-Cancel my health insurance :)

It's hard to really put yourself in this frame of mind, you know? It shouldn't be, though...since life really is a fragile thing and every breath a gift. It should be near the surface of our awareness continually. Teach us, dear Lord, to number our days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

Bleed Into One

This was on a friend's blog...I have to wonder when Christians are going to stop protesting things and start being what the world needs.

Faith

In an ongoing conversation with friends, I've been thinking some about faith. What is faith?
Hebrews 11:1 is typically the verse cited when a definition is needed. So I looked it up in several versions...
When we read words like substance, evidence, assurance, conviction, and proof, do we assume that faith = certainty, absence of doubt? If this is faith, then either we must admit we are a hopeless cause or we must deny simple facts of reality.
What if faith is more than this? We may say it is, but do our lives reflact that reality?

"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see."

Hebrews 11:1, the Message

What if faith is trust? There will probably still be darkness, and perhaps nothing - not even the smallest light - to lead us on. But it does not shake our confidence that the Lord is my shepherd. In Waking, Matthew Sanford writes, "Stop moving...let the eyes adust...allow for stillness...then see what's possible."

Believing Abba is big enough to work within our current limitations...

Passages

Death is a passage to new life. That sounds very beautiful, but few of us desire to make this passage. It might be helpful to realise that our final passage is preceded by many earlier passages. When we are born we make a passage from life in the womb to life in the family. When we go to school we make a passage from life in the family to life in the larger community. When we get married we make a passage from a life with many options to a life committed to one person. When we retire we make a passage from a life of clearly defined work to a life asking for new creativity and wisdom. Each of these passages is a death leading to new life. When we live these passages well, we are becoming more prepared for our final passage.
~Daily Meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society

What passage(s) am I making at this point in my life? School is the biggie for me right now...but are there less obvious passages-more easily overlooked? The gradual increase in my involvement on the job; stepping further (also very gradually) into the unfamiliar territory of adulthood; even small changes in attitude toward present circumstances and the people around me.
Am I living these passages well - with attention to the Present Moment, awareness of my utter helplessness and need of God, and great hopes for what is to come?
How will I allow these passages to shape me?
In what ways can I be with others as these changes take place?

Afternoon thoughts....still at work.

I'm unsettled. Or maybe I'm settled....in a distracted, disjointed, not-here sort of place. I haven't kept my "God-appointments" today. Sorry, Abba. You are near me. You always stay so near, loving and guiding and healing and speaking...and I, like a teather-ball, just keep spinning and pulling and bouncing around. Stop the motion, constant action, constant thought. Just be. Breathe. What am I resisting? Staying later at work...the feeling of distraction or failure...the irritating habits of those around me. What gifts am I overlooking? A few moments alone and quiet to recollect...an easy job that provides financial resources...a clean, warm jacket to wear in a cold office...blueberry white tea...family keeping in touch with me throughout the day...so many, many gifts. Breath. Sight. Thought. How might I be abusing these gifts? By inattention... misdirection...or just plain laziness.
Here I am, Abba. Can I really just accept this moment as it is...without demanding that it be something else?
"Let your face shine on us, O Lord, and we shall be saved."

God...with skin.

Ronald Rolheiser, in The Holy Longing, explores what he calls the "under understood" mystery of the incarnation:

"The incarnation is not a thirty-three year experiment by God in history, a one-shot, physical incursion into our lives. The incarnation began with Jesus and it has never stopped. The ascension of Jesus did not end, not fundamentally change, the incarnation. God's physical body is still among us. God is still present, as physical and as ready today, as God was in the historical Jesus. God still has skin, human skin, and physically walks on this earch just as Jesus did (The Holy Longing, p 79)."

This physical body is us. You and me. Here on this planet...We are the Body of Christ.

What are the practical effects of this incarnation on our spirituality?
(Note: A theist is a person who believes in God; a Christian is one who believes in a God who is incarnate. Thus a theist would not be much affected practically by the incarnation; a Christian is defined by it.)
I am sure the practical implications are countless....Rolheiser names eight....and I've only read the first one: how we should pray. If we am the continued incarnation of the Christ spirit, and we pray through Jesus Christ (or in his name), "not only God in heaven is being petitioned and asked to act. We are also charging ourselves, as part of the Body of Christ, with some responsibility for answering the prayer. To pray as a Christian demands concrete involvement in trying to bring about what is pleaded for in the prayer (p 83)."

We are to be God with skin to the people around us. We pray for people and situations...but we do not leave it at that. We look for very real ways to be part of the answer to our own prayer.

Make sense?

This brings to mind a recent "experiment" Mom and I did in Kidz Church a few weeks ago. We were starting on our compassion ("social justice tradition") series....and sat everyone, including ourselves, in a big circle. Everyone was given a card that said, "This week I will pray every day for _____. S/he has asked that I pray for __________." Everyone wrote the name of the person on their right in the first blank; that person's request in the second. Mom was being prayed for by an 8-year-old girl, fairly new to the group but very attentive. She promised to pray every day that Mom would have new ideas for her artwork. Later that week, we held our mid-week gathering out at the Cedar Creek picnic area/campground. This little girl came with her mother....and brought a big, thick book of great art ideas and gave it to Mom.
She had been praying....and she became part of the answer to her own prayer. This is how the incarnation brings life to our prayers.

It's easy.

Yesterday was non-stop at the theater. Oof. We're doing free "family shows" this summer, so that's bringing in a lot of people...in addition to the normal summer crowds. We'd get cleaned up after one set for the normal show times and it would be time for another family show....finished that and folks started showing up for the next normal show...and on and on. There was one point when I really lost focus - but a large part of the day I was somehow (call it grace) able to continue turning scripture over in mouth and mind. Proverbs 3:5-6 has been my "mantra" of late. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight; In all your ways ackowledge him and he will make straight your paths.
Going upstairs between sets to thread and start the movies gave me regular opportunities to have some alone time...short, focused bursts of meditation! As I was restocking the concession counter (about two-thirds through the shift), the words came to me:
Barbara, it's easy. Much easier than you think. Just trust. It's simple. Just let it go, whatever "it" is, and trust me.

It's easy. Why do I complicate it?

First-time tagged...

I was “tagged” by Redhead Rev…my first time doing this in the blog world…so I’ll share the love!

Four jobs I’ve had:
1. Subway “sandwich artist”
2. Shift manager at the local movie theater
3. Administrative assistant at Ruidoso Regional Council for the Arts (current)
4. freelance graphic designer (experimenting)

Four movies I could watch over and over:
1. Narnia
2. Just about any of the films based on Jane Austen’s life and work
3. Rain Man
4. Music Within

Four places I have lived:
1. Ruidoso, NM
2. Ruidoso, NM
3. Alto, NM (very near Ruidoso, NM)
4. Ruidoso, NM

Four TV shows I like:
1. The Office
2. I don’t have cable!
3. I don’t have satellite!
4. ???

Four Favorite Foods:
1. Nothing’s as amazing as Mom’s homemade bread….fresh out of the oven, when the outside is crunchy and the inside is steaming and soft…and, ohhhhh the aroma….mmm. Now I’m hungry.
2. sweet potatoes…
3. the Turkey Avacado wrap at The Wild Herb (now there’s some good eats)
4. just about any kind of fresh produce we can pick up at the farmers’ market. Last week was apricots…this week was figs.

Four Places I Would Rather Be:
1. Sometimes…..Pecos Benedictine Monastery. :o)
2. NOT at Wal-mart
3. Out on a walk…preferably whith trees, birds, etc.
4. At home

People I’m Tagging: whoever's in to being tagged. :o)

The countdown...

Nine weeks.

It's actually coming up much more quickly than I thought it would.

My first class at SAU starts on August 25. This is the master's program of my dreams! Yet there's this nagging apprehension. It won't go away. Afraid I won't measure up. That I'll be in way over my head. And maybe I will. But that's when we grow, right?

But there's a world of difference between fear and dread. I'm not dreading this...not at all. I really feel that this is something God is leading. But fear. That's another story. But for me, change always brings a rash of butterflies in the stomach and self-doubt.

This too shall pass.

The key is to remember that He's my shepherd. Regardless of any accomplishment or failure, excited anticipation or fear. I lack nothing.

Heartbreaking...

"Uganda's children work on dangerous rock pile"

I just read this article...it's so sad, it's so wrong, yet what can be done? Gary Haugen (founder, International Justice Mission) says that the first step is to get over this ridiculous idea that "I can't do anything."

God is a just God...how can we be his hands and feet in carrying out justice in this incredibly unjust world?

Lord...Lord!

"The path of spiritual transformation today lies through the illumination that we have ruined souls..." ~Dallas Willard

The last couple days I've been in Matthew 8:5-13. This afternoon I was really, really tired - that afternoon slump that makes you want to go to bed at 5:00. I stretched out on the bed, thinking Yeah, I am totally gonna fall asleep. I pulled out this passage, though...and felt strangely, deeply rested and energized.

When he entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, appealing to him and saying, "Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, in terrible distress." And he said to him, "I will come and cure him." The centurion answered, "Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; but only speak the word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to one 'Go,' and he goes, and to another, 'Come,' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this,' and the slave does it." When Jesus heard him, he was amazed and said to those who followed him, "Truly I tell you, in no one in Israel have I found such faith. I tell you, many will come from east and west and will eat with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, while the heirs of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." And to the centurion he said, "Go; let it be done for you according to your faith." And the servant was healed in that hour.

You can sense the man's desperation. He is broken, conscious of his need, his frailty. And yet he is bold enough to approach Jesus. What really grabs my attention is that he calls Jesus Lord. Here's a guy who has some power. He can tell people what to do, manipulate circumstances in his favor....play God, in other words. Much like myself and most of the people I know. We have a great deal of say-so in the happenings of our lives...or we like to think we do, anyway. But the centurion lays it all aside and openly acknowledges his helplessness. But he is not hopeless. He calls this other Man....Lord. But as he does this, there is a churning hope within him...a knowing...that this Man will bring redemption.

When Jesus commends the centurion for his faith - I have typically heard this as referring to the man's understanding of authority, his boldness in coming to Jesus and making his desires clear. Faith is so often reduced to some abstract thing that obliges God to do whatever it is we apply it to.
But now I wonder....I wonder if Jesus is actually commending the man's humility...the beautiful and perfect blend of brokenness and boldness. Is this, then, what faith really means? To acknowledge my brokenness, my frailty, my utter helplessness....but not without hope. By admitting my weakness, I allow myself to accept the strength of One far greater than myself...One who can, who will, bring redemption. But the doorway...is surrender. Coming to know and act on the knowledge that I am not God.

"...we have become people so locked into our own self-worship and denial of God that we cannot want God. We cannot want God to be God. Wanting God to be God is very different from wanting God to help us." ~Dallas Willard

Do you ever feel homesick....while you're at home?

It's weird.

Intergenerational Worship

The idea of intergenerational worship is new to me. Having grown up in a church with a great kids ministry--having helped with that ministry for years...I have my doubts. Yet it is intriguing to me. There is something very...good about the idea of keeping families together to explore the Way. But how can ideas be communicated in a way so as to be appropriate for such a broad age range? How are behavioral issues addressed?
Emerging Parents offers some great thoughts. One person insightfully commented....

We could point out the fact that Sunday schools (in the UK) were a 19th Century invention, and that they were always separate from the main worship event, normally taking place on a Sunday afternoon. It’s only since perhaps the 1920s that the Sunday School class has taken place at the same time as Sunday morning adult worship. And yet our churches are unquestioningly locked into this pattern of doing church that is less than 100 years old.

We cannot be a whole community unless children play a full part, nor can children develop in their discipleship unless they participate and belong in a meaningful way to a community of people of all ages committed to one another on the pilgrim journey.

So we should stop asking “‘How can we keep the children from disturbing us as we worship in ways that are dear to us?’ but rather, ‘How can we invite children into real involvement with our worship of God?' 'What is the essence of our worship and what is merely adult habit and prejudice?' 'How can we make the whole liturgy accessible to children without losing the adults?’ ‘How can we help our children truly to take part in the whole liturgy, word and sacrament, not separately but with us?’ ‘How can we preach the Word so that all can hear it?’”

These are such great questions. I'd like to take them one at a time....really dig around for answers. Good answers to these questions, effectively implemented, would revolutionize the way we "do" church.

Scribblings...

Fully grounded.
Deeply rooted.
Holding strongly.
Tightly held.
Shhhh... All is well. All is well. All is well.
His table is here.
In darkness, Light.
In hunger, a feast.
Near me,
About me,
Within me,
Through me.
Hold, fill, quiet fears.
Shhhh... All is well. All is well. All is well.
All in Him.
All from Him.
Immersed,
Filled,
Shadowed,
Turned.
The path is here.
At my feet.
At hand.
In heart.
Shhhh... All is well. All is well. All is well.


(Not a great literary work....just heart-thoughts scribbled during church yesterday.)