Mind-Body....Silence

Matthew Sanford was paralyzed from the chest down in a car accident when he was 13 years old. In the twenty-something years following, he has learned a lot about the mind-body relationship and the silence there waiting to be discovered. Krista Tippet (Speaking of Faith) interviewed Sanford last fall; I've now listened through this interview...3 times? It makes a lot of sense to me...and touches something on a deeper level. I'm not sure what exactly. Here's the page from SPF's website...

The Body's Grace: Matthew Sanford's Story

I just ordered his memoir yesterday...Waking: A Memoir of Trauma and Transcendence.

And here's the video interview:

Matthew Sanford Interview from Speaking of Faith on Vimeo.

Desire

Ronald Rolheiser, in The Holy Longing, says that all of creation is driven by desire. That desire is the driving force behind all of life's happenings. Desire. And our "spirituality" is what we do with that desire - how we channel it.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight; in all your ways acknowledge him..."

This is all about directing/channeling desire God-ward. It would be helpful, then (and perhaps critical), to entertain the ongoing question:
What desire is driving me in this very moment?
What drives a beetle to scritch across the patio and puch through the grass to some mystery destination (have you ever wondered where they go?)? What drives a bird to weave a nest? We can dismiss this as mere instinct...but isn't it really some form of desire? What drives my dogs to to get excited and crazy when they think it's time to go for a walk? Desire. What drives a child to clean his/her bedroom (even under compulsion)? Desire. Why am I here right now, writing this? Desire.

Majesty

[maj-uh-stee] noun. regal, lofty, stately dignity; imposing character; grandeur; supreme greatness and authority; sovereignty; from the latin root magnus, meaning large.

"The Lord is King, with majesty enthroned..." ~in Psalm 93

"The Lord is great and worthy of praise, to be feared above all gods..." ~in Psalm 96

"It was the Lord who made the heavens, His are majesty and state and power and splendor in His holy place..." ~in Psalm 96

"Be still and know that I am God, supreme among the nations, supreme in all the earth..." ~in Psalm 46

The bigness and astounding, unfathomable beauty of this being who has always existed and will never cease existing - this should stike up in my heart a deep awe...deep desire to obey...deep realization of His goodness and mercy and love. That he is goodness itself. He is mercy and love. His presence is found - or can be found - in every object, time place, situation. I can see him there...if I will only lay aside my anxious fretting and constant efforts to manage all of life. Be still and know that I am God.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart...This is a God who can be trusted. So obviously. So deeply. But sometimes - most times - it's as though I am saying, "I don't know how well I can trust you. Prove yourself to me!"

What utter silliness. Thoughtless, shallow conlcusions. Deeply embedded pride.

And yet he loves me...giving further evidence of His majesty.

It's easy.

Yesterday was non-stop at the theater. Oof. We're doing free "family shows" this summer, so that's bringing in a lot of people...in addition to the normal summer crowds. We'd get cleaned up after one set for the normal show times and it would be time for another family show....finished that and folks started showing up for the next normal show...and on and on. There was one point when I really lost focus - but a large part of the day I was somehow (call it grace) able to continue turning scripture over in mouth and mind. Proverbs 3:5-6 has been my "mantra" of late. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight; In all your ways ackowledge him and he will make straight your paths.
Going upstairs between sets to thread and start the movies gave me regular opportunities to have some alone time...short, focused bursts of meditation! As I was restocking the concession counter (about two-thirds through the shift), the words came to me:
Barbara, it's easy. Much easier than you think. Just trust. It's simple. Just let it go, whatever "it" is, and trust me.

It's easy. Why do I complicate it?

Lessons from the garden...

I had the day off at both jobs....so I stayed home most of the day and got to work with Dad in our 50'x50' garden. It's beautiful! He's worked so hard on it since before school was even out (he teaches 4th grade on the Mescalero Apache reservation). We're gonna have more squash, melons, peas, onions, and potatoes than we'll know what to do with!

Anyway...so I spent some time pulling weeds today. We're trying to grow it all organically, so no weed-killer allowed - which means that we spend plenty of time pulling the sneaky little things up! Some of them were actually quite pretty...green topped leaves with red-purple undersides.

As I pecked at the damp soil with my mud-crusted fingers, getting as many of the little ones as I could....I thought about two things:

1)Weeds, no matter how big or small, consume space and nutrients needed by the garden plants. If the garden is to bear fruit as the gardener intends, the plants must have room to grow and adaquate nutrients. The weeds must be pulled. What in my life needs to be weeded out?

2)Dad has set up a system of soaker hoses until we can afford to put in drip irrigation. One thing is certain.....weeds love to grow right underneath the hose. It's wet and protected, I guess....and that's where I found most of them. You can't say, "Oh! Weeds like water....so we'll stop watering the garden!" The garden would die. The water is necessary...thus the hoses are necessary. But when weeding, it's good to check underneath the hose often and well....pull the weeds while they're still small.

There are good things set in place in my life - disciplines, routines. But it's important to look under the surface of these things - to check for little things that might be growing that could be harmful in the future. Pride, fear, and works-based salvation (a very sneaky weed, that one)...things like that. This requires attention...time....care...and lots of grace.

The happening...

Well, with (now...starting today!) two part-time jobs, church work, house work, and occasional graphic design jobs....I've been going non-stop. Except for my quiet times in the mornings and my fairly relazed evenings. And there are moments of quiet throughout the day - if not in my circumstances, then at least in my heart.

From this morning's meditation:
In God alone be at rest, O my soul. There is no rest to be found in others' approval. There is no rest to be found in productivity...accomplishments...a "perfect" schedule...money...an "attractive" body...In God alone.

In God alone be at rest, O my soul.

O my soul.

In God alone be at rest.

At rest.

In God alone be...be. Be.

In God alone...alone. Alone.

In God.

Invitation to a Journey

I got the first few books that were listed for last semester's beginning classes for the MSFL. They're all so....GOOD! I've been reading Robert Mulholland's Invitation to a Journey...and finding a clearer vision, intention, and means of living a life of dicsipleship to Christ. He starts by defining "spiritual formation" - terminology, in our culture of self-improvement, that can so easily be misused. As Mulholland defines it, spiritual formation is "a process of being conformed to the image of Christ for the sake of others" (p.15). The chapters on creation gifts and holistic spirituality took an in-depth look at Jung's personality types and how these would influence the journey to Christlikeness. This is not approached from the standpoint of, "This is my personality type, so it's ok that I don't want to do this discipline or that practice. It's just not me." No, no. Instead, we look at and nurture our personality preferences...but we also challenge our preference to develop balanced habits.
Mulholland then goes into the classical stages of Christian pilgrimage: awakening, purgation, illumination, and union. Interestingly, this was touched on at the very beginning of the "Mystic Saints" retreat in Pecos. Purgation is the stage, I think, that we want to gloss over. So many conversations in the church center on the initial conversion experience (awakening) and the "high times," when we suppose God is going to zap us into perfection. Purgation is the slow and painful process of releasing the habits of thought and behavior that keep us from Him....of allowing our hearts to be transformed so that we become the kind of people who can be united to Him. It is this stage that we find the spiritual disciplines - means by which God is given access to the deepest places of our hearts (though there is a need for discipline through every stage in the journey, it seems they are most prevalent in purgation - though I could be totally wrong :o).

What I read today is an exploration into the "classical spiritual disciplines." Mullholland gives a totally new perspective on the very definition of prayer and touches on spiritual reading....but what has really captured my attention are his thoughts on liturgy. Consisting of worship, daily office, study, fasting, and retreat, liturgy is a "personal structure of daily activity" that helps us to more continuously see our lives in the context of "God's new order of being" (pp. 115-116). It's a daily rhythm that is essential to the journey....it helps us to stay rooted in a different reality from what is contstantly pressing us in the visible world. It reminds us of the community of believers, companions on the journey, with and for whom we are being transformed.

This is all sooooo...yummy! Next we go into the nature and dynamics of the spiritual disciplines.