making the move

Ok...I've made the decision. I'm moving.

Haha.

My blog. I'm moving my blog. :) Thanks to my friend Paul, I've discovered how to switch over (almost) painlessly. The new location is.........
http://kingdomstrider.wordpress.com

I still have to move a bunch of links and stuff over, but that's where I'll be posting from now on.
Hope you follow me there!!

Thoughts from class...

A question from class that has me.......thinking :)

Why do you think the Spiritual Disciplines are seen by many people as “optional add-ons for super Christians”?
I’m going to risk sounding heretical here.
The disciplines are, to a large degree, excluded from the Gospel we preach. We live in a culture where comfort is the ultimate commodity. Marketing efforts on the part of corporations (and, dare I say, churches) have blossomed. We hear that we are sinners, Jesus loves us and died for us, and that this death mysteriously makes it possible for us to shimmy into heaven when we die. We may even hear that being on God’s side will assure us material provision, comfort…even luxury. Some of this is good and true, but rarely have I heard the Gospel presented as an invitation to an ongoing journey, commitment, and struggle – “For your sake we are being killed all day long” (Rom. 8:36) is not a popular verse in evangelistic efforts. I have to wonder how much of the gospel we hear proclaimed today is merely the illegitimate child of our desire for fulfillment and the marketing schemes of twist doctors and image consultants.
We want people to buy into Christianity, so we do what can to make it appealing. Play up the good stuff, exaggerate a little, and play down or completely ignore the “unpleasantries.” After people are in, they may hear about courses or special schools for “discipleship” that require major time and commitment, but rarely (in my experience) of discipleship as the Way of living in the midst of our lives. So the assumption is easy to make: Discipleship is an extreme sort of lifestyle for an extreme sort of person and the rest of us are simply “not ‘built’ to be spiritual giants” (Reading Room article).

Ouch

Found this on a blog I just started following - Becoming Like Jesus. Touching on some major realities....





"Church is not a place for questions....it's a place for answers"? God grant us grace to turn the world upside down.

Truth?

Pilate asked him, "So you are a king?"
Jesus answered, "You say that I am a king. For this I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice."
Pilate asked him, "What is truth?"
John 18:37-38


What is truth? Here's (oh, you'll never guess who I'm gonna quote) Nouwen on the matter:

"Jesus sends us the Spirit so that we may be led to the full truth of the divine life. Truth does not mean an idea, concept or doctrine, but the true relationship. To be led into the truth is to be led into the same relationship that Jesus has with the Father; it is to enter into a divine betrothal." (Making All Things New 54)

Gives "The truth will set you free" all new meaning, eh?

pondering love

"Let them ponder the love of the Lord..."
(A phrase from Benedictine Daily Prayer that grabbed at me this morning)

Richard Rohr or someone I read recently (been doing my share of reading, you know) said that the grace-filled life, this way of spiritual formation, must be grounded in an experience and awareness of God's unfathomable love.
To ponder this love...would, I think, catapult us into a fuller experience of it - where we are more aware and attentive to His love throughout the day.

Ponder the love of the Lord. Ponder. I love that word!

The love of the Lord - where do I see evidence of it? I could look at various material and circumstantial provisions... perhaps He does show His love for us in this way. But it's got to go far beyond this, or we'd have to say He doesn't much love the child soldiers of Africa or the starving masses in Haiti. Perhaps His love is more evident in the many gifts we overlook. The momentary treasures (He is, afterall, found in the Present Moment) that we take for granted (this may sound romanticized, but bear with me)... the feel of the wind on our cheeks, the warmth of the sun on our backs...the gifts of sight and hearing, color and sound. Breath. Oh, what about this idea that He created our bodies to be as dependent on breath as our souls are dependent on Him? Or the knowledge that His longing for full relationship with me is deeper and more cutting than our most severe pangs of homesickness or any other tension we are forced to embrace.

Here….Nouwen knocks ‘em dead every time:
“This inexhaustible love between the Father and the Son includes and yet transcends all forms of love known to us. It includes the love of a father and mother, a brother and sister, a husband and wife, a teacher and friend. Bit it also goes far beyond the many limited and limiting human experiences of love we know. It is a caring yet demanding love. It is a supportive yet severe love. It is a gentle yet strong love. It is a love that gives life yet accepts death. In this divine love Jesus was sent into the world, to this divine love Jesus offered himself on the cross. This all-embracing love, which epitomizes the relationship between the Father and the Son, is a divine Person, coequal with the Father and the Son. It has a personal name. It is called the Holy Spirit.” (Making All Things New 48-49)

Questions in my journal that I plan to follow up on:
-Where do I see evidence of His love throughout the day – in every moment and place?
-If I were to find or create a picture that represents His love (as best I can understand it), what would it be like? What would it in/exclude? What objects, colors, shapes, textures?

Water....to wine!

In John 2 - the story of Jesus at the wedding in Cana, when he turns water into wine…really good wine. I read it the other day in my Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible, and the footnote really opened things up. Jesus took a rote Jewish purification rite and transformed it into “Communion wine.” He confiscated rigid, perfectionist legalism and replaced it with free, gracious relationship.

The disciplines of the Christian life are not ends in themselves – to be completed just-so and measured by the standard of others’ experience. There is an element of objectivity that is necessary and helpful, but the disciplines are a means to an end – the way we travel in learning the Jesus Way, stepping into a fuller, brighter, more colorful life with God. Subjective relationship…the wine of spontaneous interaction between lovers is what should infuse every aspect of our participation in life – even (especially?) in “religious” activities, where life giving ritual can easily become dead and legalistic attempts at manipulation.

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)… “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and learn to live freely and lightly.”
Rigid structure and standards replaced with Communion wine.
This is the same sort of thing Phoebe Palmer discovered in her journey. She struggled so much with comparing her walk with others’ experiences…she hadn’t lived it the same way others talked about it and she felt she was falling short. Freedom came when she left “religion” and entered “relationship":
"Palmer had constantly gotten in her own way by gauging her progress against an imagined standard of what she was supposed to feel. If religion is experience, she had reasoned, then the test must be the subjective content of that experience. And the standard she employed was based upon the testimonies of others and not upon her own experiences. Finally she learned to trust to faith, which she defined in terms of her understanding of biblical promises. Once she stopped cross-examining her feelings and accepted the possibility that Holiness would come as the Lord dictated and not as she hypothesized, the dam burst." (More about Phoebe Palmer)

“The Christ-in-me identity is not bound to a generic one-size-fits-all program for union with God. The Holy Spirit knows the spiritual practices, relationships, and experiences that best suit our unique communion with God” (Spiritual Disciplines Handbook 19).

Lessons learned in raquetball...so far.

Ok, so....my brother talked me into taking a raquetball class at the athletic club...haha. Said no at first, but he said he'd pay for it - so what was there to argue with except my own pride? I've never been much of an athlete - too slow on my feet, and my eyes don't get along well with my hands - so I went into it rather....hesitantly. The first class was Tuesday. And again today. It's a challenge, and normally I'd have backed off or not even tried at all. But there's a smidgen of newfound courage in me these days, and I'm actually having fun!
After these first two classes - and with my new MSFL class ("Disciplines of the Spirit"), there are a few things worth noting....

1 - I'm not expected to play like a pro! I'm a beginner...and that's okay. My trainer does not expect immediate greatness -but a good effort and lots of fun. God's the same way, I think. He knows what I am....he knows what I am currently capable of. He also knows what I have the potential to become.
2 - Change comes incrementally. As I practice serving, my trainer helps me tweak the little things I'm doing that prevent me from really doing it well. As I practice receiving, he shows me how to adjust the way I stand, how I hold the racquet. This is similar to what happens when we engage in spiritual disciplines - little (sometimes big!) tweakings. These add up....to major change and total restructuring of how we "play the game."
3 - This desired change in how I play racquetball comes as I spend time with my trainer and with the other students in the class. On the first day of class, we were given printouts of the court layout, rules, etc. Our trainer told us very plainly, "Read 'em if you want, but the only way to really learn it is to get out there and play." The same goes for learning the Jesus Way. There's a place for study and structure...but real change comes when we spend time in relationship with God and others traveling the Way.
4 - Little victories are celebrated. I made a shot this morning that really wasn't all that great - but I did make the shot, and our trainer yelled, "Alright! Great shot, Barbara!!!" It wouldn't be helpful for him to scold me or for me to berate myself for the (many) times I flub things - and it would take a lot of the fun away. So too, as we move into life with the disciplines, small victories are celebrated. Self-condemnation is harmful to the process and sucks the joy completely out of the Journey.
5 - I don't return serves very well....and noticed that often I don't really expect to hit the ball! I figure I'm that bad! :) But because I'm not really thinking I'll hit it, when I do...my grip on the racquet is bad and thus the return is bad. Times that I expect and really intend to hit the ball...the return (sometimes - lol) kicks butt! As we engage in spiritual disciplines, do we really expect change? Do we really believe God will work in us to make the necessary changes?
6 - (there are more points in this than I thought there'd be!) My skills do not improve by comparing myself to others in the class. Our trainer's been playing for years - he's GOOD. My brother's already taken the class before - so he's pretty good. Two other guys in the class are, like, natural athletic types (grrr...). Comparing my skills to theirs gets discouraging pretty quickly! And the same is true of our Journey with God. Others' experiences of the disciplines, God's Precence, etc., are not the standard. There is no standard. There is dynamic, unique relationship (I'll have to follow up on this with another post.....).

Freely, lightly, full of joy......taking baby steps!

Ok....my friend is just too sweet.

A friend on Facebook posted a note:

"Leave your name in my note comments.Once you do that, this is what I'll do ... (I will respond to you here on my notes page)
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
7. If you play, you MUST post this on your blog.
I'll tag you when I've written my responses."

And I will now do my part. :) Her response....

"1. Your laugh is so infectious. When I hear you laugh I can't help but laugh too!
2. This is a toughie...hmm...I think...XD You're gonna kill me. The Laughing Song!!!!
3. AMOEBA!
4. When Zannie took me to puppet practice and you were so tall...then we did the show together with the frogs and I was the fly you ate. :)
5. You remind me so much of a puppy...you're eager and happy and fun to be around.
6. When are we going to have our movie night? XDD Just kidding, just kidding...how and when did you learn how to play guitar so well?"

See what I mean? Too sweet.

reality check

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take."

A familiar prayer to most. I always thought it was kinda morbid. Tonight I found out there's a second, not-so-popular verse:
"Our days begin with trouble here,
Our life is but a span,
And cruel death is always near,
So frail a thing is man."

Ah, sweet dreams, my child. But really....how would we live life differently if we were RAISED with a greater awareness that we are "but a breath"?

Butterflies on stampede in my stomach...

Yeah, ok..... keep breathing, Barb. It really is ok. Right now. Stay in the now. Deeeeeeep breathe.

Our second MSFL class officially opened tonight. Maybe it's just the typical "new class" anxiety, but right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed.

Yesterday I read something really great in Benedictine Daily Prayer. From the Psalms....that He knows me through and through. My resting and my rising. Every purpose in my heart. When I walk or lie down.
"Before ever a word is on my tongue you know it, O Lord, through and through. Behind and before you beseige me, your hand ever laid upon me...
O where can I go from your Spirit, or where can I flee from your face?"
Climb the heavens...
Lie in the grave...
Fly through to dawn...
journey to the end of the world....

Even there Your hand would lead me.

Even here your hand is leading me. Even here.

I am more and more certain...assured...that God is conducting the symphony of my life. When that first class started, He brought the theme of "letting go" before me. It's grown stronger and stronger. The same things I'm studying in my friday group are what this second class is kinda based on - the discipline of submission. Which requires letting go. This theme is coming at me from every direction. From my Fenelon readings, too.
"In this life there is no finished symphony..." But there is a symphony...playing continuously. Conducted by the Divine Hand.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. I am Yours, save me. Free me from care for myself. Let my life be motivated more and more fully only by Your unspeakably great love for me...teach me to love You. To let go of everything else...and love only You.

Yeah....what he said.

Mmm...a great meditation on poverty at a favorite blog: The Lord, The Blues, and the Art of Being Smooth

Poverty

Poverty is more than a matter of economics. The roots run deep. It's a lethal force on more than one level. It's more than lack of food. It's more than lack of education. It's more than images of crying faces and hungy bellies on television. Change will require so much more than charity. Systems need to be uprooted, broken down and rebuilt.

I've sponsored kids with Compassion International for a number of years now. Yeah, I send in money. But what Compassion turns around and does with it is truly remarkable. I'm also able to exchange letters and photos with "my" kids...I do little things to let them know they are treasured - that they are absolutely priceless, in my eyes but especially in God's eyes.....and without fail these little ones (Evans, in Kenya; Navya, in India) bless me in ways I can't find words to express. I am reminded of my own selfishness and consumerism, my own pride and hatred........I carry inside myself the seeds of very same weeds that have taken over so much of the world. This is what must change in the system. Hearts. The hearts of presidents and senators, kings and queens, businessmen (and women), teachers, pastors.....you and me. We cannot expect the circumstances imposed on these innocents to change unless we are willing to break out of our own comfort to lay down our lives for them. It's called solidarity. It's called justice. It's called being "God with skin."

Do something. Even something small. If everyone sits back, thows their hands in the air and says, "But I'm just one person!" - nothing will ever change. Shalom....(in the truest, deepest sense of the word).

Desolation?

Honestly, I have no idea what to write.

There's a lot swirling around inside. The last few days have been characterized by what Ignatius might have called desolation (thank you, Chris, for sharing this link - it's been a lifeline). Without digging too much up - I don't knwo how helpful hashing it all out again would be - here are some of my journalings...perhaps it will be helpful to anyone who might read it.

Hopelessness. Extremely complex thought patterns (trying to figure “me” out). Loss of vision. Emotional ups and downs. Absence of a real sense of His presence. Ick. Desolation? One reason desolation comes is “our own negligence of spiritual discipline. ‘We are tepid and slothful.’” Seems strange to admit this after several weeks of the most deep, life-changing, formational “class” I’ve ever taken. But it’s true, I think.
“In this life there is no finished symphony…”
Has the desolation of the last few days been the fruit of neglecting disciplines that would help me remember this fundamental truth? Disciplines of chastity? In other words, have I been careless in the placement of my hopes and affections?

Bear in mind, Rolheiser (The Holy Longing), isn't looking at chastity as purely to do with sexual abstinence. Rather, he sees it as relating to many and varied aspects of life. Patience is key in his description of chastity. Interestingly, it looks like Ignatius saw patience as key in surviving desolation...

“To be chaste is to experience people, things, places, entertainment, the phases of our lives, and sex in a way that does not violate them or ourselves. To be chaste is to experience things reverently, in such a way that the experience leaves both them and ourselves more, not less, integrated…
…we are chaste when we do not let impatience, irreverence, or selfishness ruin what is a gift by somehow violating it. Conversely, we lack chastity when we cross boundaries prematurely or irreverently, when we violate anything and somehow reduce what it is. Chastity is respect, reverence, and patience. Its fruits are integration, gratitude and joy. Lack of chastity is impatience, irreverence, and violation. Its fruits are disintegration of soul, bitterness, and cynicism” (The Holy Longing 202).
I’m really thinking this is at the root of the complexity of my thought life, the fear of not changing….being driven by desires for my future, becoming the “right” sort of person by the time such-and-such happens. Discontent now to become what I should be by then, if that makes any sense. But…then there’s the nagging question: If I am so discontent now, will it be any different when that time (whatever it may be) comes?

As I'm continuing the readings for class this week, I'm beginning to see that this time of desolation has carried purpose. I have a feeling there will be more blog posts on this topic....

Blank slate

We must never presume that we see. We must always be ready to see anew. But it's so hard to go back, to be vulnerable, and to say to your soul, "I don't know anything."
Try to say that: "I don't know anything."
Maybe you could think of yourself as an erased blackboard, ready to be written on. For by and large, what blocks spiritual teaching is the assumption that we already know, or that we don't need to know.
We have to pray for the grace of beginner's mind. We need to say with the blind man, "I want to see." ~Richard Rohr

Got this in an email from CAC recently. I've had trouble really absorbing so much of what we're reading and discussing in class. True, it's a lot of information to hold - and the focus isn't really on amassing knowledge. But, I think there's a tendency to kinda "Yeah, yeah"-read a lot. having been raised in church (where, unfortunately, know-it-all attitudes abound), I can read on two different levels. The easiest is to brush over the words...looking at the text as familiar stuff I've heard before. Sometimes I have to very intentionally slow my reading pace and keep in mind - "No, this is fresh and new. God's here reading with me, just waiting to renew my vision for formation, for church, for life."
Reading with the grace of a beginner's mind.

my other blog

It's still new, but I just needed a place to store the TONS of amazing words coming at me though class readings and various emails. Be prepared for a lot of Nouwen. :)

Words 2 Live By

Paschal Mystery

Darkness...Suffering...Pain...Death...

...is a living, growing thing,
to be loved and handled
with diligence and grace.

...easily crushed by control,
smashed by resistence,
withered by defensiveness,
shattered by hurry.

...a gift to be loved,
nurtured,
entrusted to the earth
of God's full knowledge and love
to grow in ways
we cannot manipulate
or neatly manage.

ONLY the Maker knows
how to unlock the treasure
hidden within a seed.
Only One is the power
that explodes
sprout,
root,
leaf,
and blossom...
the form of new,
creative,
redemptive Life.


Life lived in the reality of the Paschal Mystery is a cross-shaped life. A life deeply rooted and upward reaching, extended out with open arms in love for others. A creative, redemptive tension compelling me to ascend the exhilarating heights, to explore the darkest depths of life. Root creeping deeper, branches reaching higher.

Pain will come.

Death is certain.

And new life is born.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me. Lead me to the Cross.



"The paschal mystery is the mystery of how we, after undergoing some kind of death, receive new life and new spirit....It begins with suffering and death, moves on to the reception of new life, spends some time grieving for the old and adjusting to the new, and finally, only after the old life has been truly let go of, is new spirit given for the life we are already living....The paschal mystery is the secret to life. Ultimately our happiness depends upon properly undergoing it" (The Holy Longing 146-48).

This is very, very deep....and very, very wide. I need to soak in all of this for a while.

Broken record

Been thinking more about the whole "letting go" thing (yeah, still). Sounds like a broken record - but a good one.

Got home from work and played around some with Bunter (my brother's English bulldog puppy) in the hallway. He's got this toy...he loves it. It's (was) a green plastic ball. Bunter lost no time in crushing it into a flat, chewed, crumpled thing. Anyway. Home from work. Hallway. We play this game - he's standing midway through the hall with Green Thing in his mouth (can't really get his teeth into it 'cause it's hard plastic). I'm at the open end of the hall.....creeping toward him, saying slowly, "I...gonna...gets...it....!" (yeah, it has to be those words) - and he freaks out and goes running as fast and far away from me as he can (to other side of the hall...oops, dead end). Hides his face in the corner and waits for me to get close enough to slip around me and go to the other end of the hall. He must be thinking, "Yeah the heck you're gonna gets it! Victory!!!" And the game begins again. If at any point in the game I decide to grab a different toy out of his basket, watch out!

I wonder if we, like Bunter, have our little toys and want to keep them safe in the confines of our slobbering jowls. The toys really aren't worth a whole lot....but they're ours. And we'll do whatever we have to do to keep them like that.

Thinking back on some discussion in class....we're wondering why? Why are we soooo intrigued with this idea of running the cosmos? Could it be simply that we, like Adam and Eve, have this screwball impulse to play God? It seems soooooo stupid to try managing all these little things of our lives, somehow imagining that we can do it better than He can. It makes so much sense to hand it over to someone big enough to take care of it all. So why? Why do we hang on to our control of things? Maybe Fenelon's words are helpful here...

Homesick at home.

I'm feeling homesick. Homesick at home. Really. It's loads of fun. What do you do with that? It's so weird...
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not mean the universe is a fraud…earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing" ~CS Lewis
Maybe that's what it is. I don't know how else to explain it. Feels like crap. Maybe I just need to spend a little me n' God time. I guess it has been a bit of a fragmented day.

impatience

"To become impatient is to want what we do not have, and not to want what we do have. In so doing, the soul is handed over to its passions, and neither reasoning nor faith can hold it back, so trouble is it. Such weakness! Such swerving away from the right path!
As long as we desire the soul-sickness that brings us suffering - to us it is not sickness - why would we make our sickness a reality by ceasing to desire it?
Inner peace exists not in the flesh but in the will. We can hold onto peace in the midst of the most violent suffering, as long as the will remains firm and submissive to God despite its abhorrence of the situation. Peace on this earth consists in accepting the things that are contrary to our desires, not in being exempted from suffering them, nor in being delivered from all temptations."
~Fenelon

Ha! What can I add to that?! I just keep running into this stuff. Letting go, surrender, submission, losing control....ya' think God's talkin' to me?

What is it that makes me think that I'm handling things on my own? People issues, work tasks, pressure to be "creative," family stuff, church problems.......it's all very, very heavy for a person who is waaaaaay too small to shoulder the load.
Letting go has been (and still is) a strong theme over the last few weeks. It makes so much sense, really. And wouldn't it make life a lot more fun? My brother teases me that I have a stunted sense of humor - or sporadic at least. And it's no wonder....afterall, if all the problems in the world are mine to carry, manage, manipulate, and express an opinion about, there wouldn't be much to laugh at.
Sabbath...I have a feeling this is step one. It's something I make half-hearted attempts at, but I heard Rob Bell talk about it some in Velvet Elvis. For one whole day....."produce" nothing, "accomplish" nothing, grasp for nothing but enjoying God, his world, and his love for me? Ohhh...that would be a breath of fresh air! Do I have the guts to actually DO this? I think.....I do.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

(Ok...I just thought I'd note: there is nothing pretty or easy about this prayer. It's a tough call to a radical life....of peace. :)

Ordinary Sacraments...again.

Ohhh....another quote from Nouwen: "When God took on flesh in Jesus Christ, the uncreated and the created, the eternal and the temporal, the divine and the human became united. This unity meant that all that is mortal now points to the immortal, all that is finite now points to the infinite. In and through Jesus all creation has become like a splendid veil, through which the face of God is revealed to us.This is called the sacramental quality of the created order. All that is is sacred because all that is speaks of God's redeeming love. Seas and winds, mountains and trees, sun, moon, and stars, and all the animals and people have become sacred windows offering us glimpses of God."

In a time of worship last night - alone - I was graced with one of those experiences of...just knowing His love. Reading in John 1 (such an amazing expression of His love) this morning, in the Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible, the footnotes asked: How does it impact the way we live out our creation to recognize it as the work not only of the Father, but of the entire trinity?

God the Father shows great love in creating us. And I am in no way trying to "down-play" this role....but I am particularly struck by the roles of God the Son and God the Spirit, The expression of God's love though the Incarnation communicates the great worth of our flesh-and-bone existence. Our lives here and now are not worthless, but priceless. The deep expression of love and trust in sending the Holy Spirit (thus designating us as the ongoing incarnation of Christ in the world - go chew on that for a while) adds infinitely more to the reality of Jesus' life on earth. Drolling through our lives with a religious emphasis on "heaven when we die" or on the "rapture," and overlooking the beauty and value of life here and now, regardless of the filth and pain that often comes with it...is an insult to His love for us!

If we really believed this...how would it change the ways we engage in life on a day to day basis?

Ordinary Sacraments

"Sacraments are very specific events in which God touches us through creation and transforms us into living Christs." ~Henri Nouwen

I long for the depth and fruitfulness of life seen in Brother Lawrence, Frank Laubach, and others like them. Where ordinary life is consistently lived as a sacrament - channels through which God touches our hearts, speaks into our lives, and does his transforming work. The "daily grind" holds potential for becoming every bit as holy and sacred as the Eucharist. We are, after all, the ongoing incarnation of God in the world.

Ohhhh, gotta get my hands on this. I had found the site a while back, but it was still in progress...Thanks for setting it back in front of me, Christianne!


The Ordinary Radicals - Trailer from Jamie Moffett on Vimeo.

What's in a name?

Growing up I was never really crazy about my name(s). It seemed like my friends had "cool" names....like Nicole or Alexis or Brittany. I've done some research....and rather changed my mind about my name.
First name is Hebrew, meaning: foreign/stranger, traveler from a foreign land
Middle name #1 is German, meaning: famous warrior (hmm...)
Middle name #2 is English, the fem. form of "John", meaning: God/Jehovah has been gracious
Last name is English, meaning: from the long meadow (path/roadway)

What about you? God likes names. He bestows them...he changes them - they mean something. They represent who we are.

Here's a random bit of silliness (I'm tired, it's been a long day, I could use some silliness:o).....other name options:
Bramblerose Bunce of Brockenborings (from a Hobbit name generator)
Slick Tony Moretti (pirate name generator)
Ingrid Ze Insightful (Harry Potter name generator)

Hmm...*grin* G'nite.

Jedidiah

Found this via Relevant Magazine yesterday....it's exciting to see businesses buiding stronger foundations in social justice.


Jedidiah Clothing: Who We Are from Jedidiah Clothing on Vimeo.

Innovative spirituality?

Doing a little research on creativity for the quarterly newsletter (at work), I've stumbled across this bit from Wikipedia....

"Creativity is typically used to refer to the act of producing new ideas, approaches or actions, while innovation is the process of both generating and applying such creative ideas in some specific context.
In the context of an organization, therefore, the term innovation is often used to refer to the entire process by which an organization generates creative new ideas and converts them into novel, useful and viable commercial products, services, and business practices, while the term creativity is reserved to apply specifically to the generation of novel ideas by individuals or groups, as a necessary step within the innovation process."

I wonder how this translates to spiritual formation? The ideas aren't historically novel, in that we're talking about practices that have been cultivated for thousands of years. But as we learn about these practices, these means of being conformed to His likeness, they are new for us. They are old ideas, planted freshly in our minds....like prayer of the heart, silent prayer, solitude, service, fasting, secrecy. Innovation moves us from talking about the ideas to experimenting with them. A classmate said it well this week: "It is not enough to stand on the other side of the gate simply admiring the view of what lays beyond."
There's a time to get up "off your arse" and just do it.

Contemplative prayer is like....

Contemplative prayer beckons me to loosen my strangle-hold on life. It whispers of a freedom, intimacy and joy in life that I have only barely tasted – a life of seeing and knowing God and others for who they are, instead of what I demand them to be. This life is….(gulp) just over the cliff. All I have to do is let go. Let go of managing my schedule, my health, my friendships, my relationship with God. Letting go of the many words and feral thought-life that plague me. Simple, right?

The problem is that this “managed” life is sooooo real to me. Like the cliff. Rock solid and “safe.” I don’t know what’s over the cliff! I only know that it appears to be a very long way down. And what will happen to my tidy packaging of life if I take the leap? Over the cliff can be a frightening place.

But that is where the light shines. And in those moments of solitude and silent prayer…those times when the Jesus Prayer settles so sweetly in my heart and trickles into the air around me…those seconds when typing emails at work becomes a holy sacrament…that is when I know that in letting go, in putting my full weight into the fall, I’ll find a Hand. Simple, silent, and still. It catches me gently and there I am held above the raging waters, finally free to be my true self, to love others as they are, and to live intimately with my Abba.

So my grip loosens…my shoulders relax…and with Luther’s prayer (“I am Yours, save me!”) as my only remaining “defense,” my hands open and I’m falling.

Lord, free me from care for myself.

Kidz Church

I had forgotten until yesterday that, with Mom preaching today, it would be my day to do Kidz Church. Not a big deal really, but....well, I had a day to get ready. So many times when I do Kidz Church alone, things fall sooooo flat. It's just very difficult to keep the attention of so many kids with such a wide age-range (about 3 to 14).

We've got Kidz Church scheduled to follow Foster's six Traditions - we do two months on each stream. We're on the Evangelical Tradition. Was it a coincidence that I recently finished Foster's chapter on this stream? I was going to grab an easy out - show a Veggie Tales or something, but decided not to. The first things Foster said should be done in practicing the Evangelical Tradition is to "get to know our Bibles." Well, how can you possibly do that with a bunch of kids who seem to loose interest at the very sight of a book, not to mention a rather thick book lacking pictures?

I cracked open Calhoun's Spiritual Disciplines Handbook....what a rich resource!! She's got a section on memorizing scripture....so I took that idea, along with all the scriptures and ideas she included in the section....and did what I could to set it in a "kid friendly" framework.

So....we (myself, a friend, and about ten kiddos) gathered around my laptop to look at pictures and talk about things we've memorized. We learned that memorizing stuff can be both easy and fun, and we looked at three reasons why we memorize words out of the Bible: it's a cure for boredom (the whole wandering mind problem), it gives us tools for life (watched a clip from Nim's Island), and...just 'cause it tastes good (we had some reeeeally yummy cookies to help us understand this). Then we worked together on a memory verse: "God, I love your words! I can't stop thinking about them!" Ps. 119:97. We paired the kids up, an older kid with a younger one, and had them work on writing our the verse and going over it with each other....and we played memory games to help us remember the verse.
I'm delighted to say....we had a blast.
Thanks, God.

Random thoughts

Help! The motorcycles are invading my town!!

Seriously.

This weekend is the big bike rally. Ick. Good for some people, but for me....uh-uh. I live near a major highway, I work near a major highway, I drive from home to work on a major highway in a car that has no air-conditioning (sooo....window down if I want to breathe). Fun, fun.

On a...quieter note, we're talking in class about contemplative prayer. Everything I'm reading about it, in books or on the discussion boards, whether I've heard it before or not, is bringing the contemplative tradition alive for me. The frustrating part is that my mind isn't big enough to hold all the information!! And when you're talking about contemplation, you're talking about not having a mind so busy with finding connections and applications...but a quiet mind that nurtures a quiet heart. I want to live a contemplative life....not just know lots of cool words about it.

On yet another note - Mom stopped by (at my work) and dropped off a box from Amazon! (I'm a junkie. I need Amazon-Anon) I got Adele Calhoun's Spiritual Disciplines Handbook (for my next class) and Frank Laubach's Prayer, The Mightiest Force in the World. Having been so focused on the contemplative tradition, my mind has repeatedly been brought back to Laubach's life and work. I figured I'd explore some of his writings beyond the letters to his father.
Hmm....not that I needed any more books. I've got more books than I can handle as it is. Erasmus once said......"When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes." That is sooooo literally me.

Mojo Wisdom

Mojo (for those of you wondering who this is, he is hands down the coolest professor I've had in my life) said something in class today....and I just had to share part of it. We're discussing contemplative prayer and lectio divina, a contemplative approach to reading Scripture. Here we go.....

"What is the relationship between head and heart—between information and transformation? For Augustine, conversion was not a matter of the intellect. He believed Christianity was true, he simply couldn’t do it. Peter Kreeft in Christianity for Modern Pagans insists: 'Christianity is not a hypothesis, it is a proposal of marriage.' (That’s my quote of the decade ;o). It is a matter of covenant commitment and submission, in other words, not of some intellectual formulae. 'You are reading?' queries Jerome. 'No. Your betrothed is talking to you, that is Christ, who is united with you.' Lectio is about passion, the burning longing and Eros Rolheiser alerts us to. 'Didn’t our hearts burn within us,' ask the two disciples who met Jesus on the Emmaus road. 'Didn’t they burn within us—when?—when he opened the Word to us, when he led us to the deeper understanding about the Christ.'"

A marriage propsal! My betrothed talking to me! Makes me want to go spend some time with the Scriptures.....

After a rain shower

Sitting out on the front porch for the tail end of a rain shower...spent some time in silent prayer and just listening to the sounds...Jesus, of course, was sitting in the chair next to me. :o)
When the rain was falling, everything actually seemed quieter. As it stopped, the sounds of traffic on the highway (motors running and tires swishing over the wet pavement) and chainsaws running (at the new "bear mall" across the street) took over. But even with that it's possible to find silence. Listening carefully....you can "peel back" a layer of sound to reveal another and another and another....until you really can hear the silence from which all these sounds emerge. This sounds crazy, doesn't it? Oh well. If I gotta loose my mind, it'd be better to loose it on the front porch in God's Presence than anxious and busy on the job or...whatever.
Back to the layers...
Peel back the most obvious sounds...and you can hear the phone ringing in the house and water coming off the roof to splash rather noisily into the grass. Peel that back...you can hear birds twittering. Peel that back....you hear your own breathing. Take it deeper and deeper...until you're finally aware of this constant undertone of silence. It's really there! Listen to it for a minute or two and you'll find your body relaxing, your mind and heart opening up....and there's peace. And joy. And contentment.
...then a motorcycle brooooooooommmmms through the quiet.
But can the body, mind, and heart continue to rest in the silence in the midst of outward noise?

The deconstructive effects of silence/solitude

"When we discover ourselves "hidden with Christ in God," we don't need any kind of self-image at all. I hope this doesn't sound too esoteric, because it isn't; it's what happens in true prayer.
This is what will happen when we expose ourselves to silence and stop exposing ourselves to the judgments of the world; when we stop continuously "picking up" the energy of others; when we stop thinking about what others think of us and what they take us to be. We are who we are in God—no more and no less." ~Richard Rohr

I usually thing of silence as....quiet. There's inner silence, outer silence....there's even a sort of an undertone of silence that can be heard regardless of the noises going on around you. But it's even more than this. Mulholland (Invitation to a Journey) defines silence as "the deep inner reversal of that grasping, controlling mode of being that so characterizes life in our culture...relinquishing to God our control of our relationship with God"(pp 136-137). Nouwen (Way of the Heart) says that silence keeps us from becoming entangled in the world, from extinguishing the inner fire of God's Spirit, and from slipping into the wasteful use of words that is so prevalent in our world.

Solitude has a more outward quality to it. Going to a place apart...alone. But it is even more than this. Both Mulholland and Nouwen look at solitude as an unmasking of sorts. The (sometimes painful) tearing away of the many faces, fluffs and scaffolds wrenched, hammered, and soaked into us by the surrounding culture/society. It is the "furnace of transformation," where all that is not truly me is incinerated, completely demolished. Gee. Sounds like fun.

Silence, Nouwen says, is solitude in action - solitude taken out of a place apart and carried into the daily grind. Silence "completes and intensifies" solitude. So they are inseparably linked. And they work together at the task of creative demolition. What a beautiful mess.

Spiritual Formation.....one definition.

Spiritual Formation is the ongoing incarnation of Jesus though a graceful emerging of His character and life in, through and around us.

In response to God’s love for us, with Christ as the example, we live to conform to the will of God. But, it is not by our own will or strength, but by the Spirit of God working in us, daily working out our Salvation. Thus, we grow into the relationship God has called us to, with Him, and with the community before, around, and ahead of us. Amongst these relationships we live out God’s call to serve, understanding that service is an outpouring of the work God is doing in us. This way of life, is one that brings life. God is offering it, it our responsibility to choose it.

There are 7 components of this formation:

1. Transformation – a journey of being transformed into the image of Jesus, with humility, gratitude, obedience and trustworthiness ("until Christ is formed in you." Gal 4:19b) (Genesis 1:26 “. . . Let us make man in our image. . .”)

2. Conformation – conforming to the will of God in obedience; living an incarnate life, seeking a different path, a complete change ("For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son ... " Romans 8:29) ("If you love me, you will obey what I command." Jn 14:15) (Romans 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world . . .)

3. By the Spirit –with the grace-filled Spirit of God working in us ("continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Phil 2:12-13)

4. Relationship - growing into a relationship with God, with our neighbors, and with a church community. Because “we are Christ’s body”, and we are the “skin” of God here on earth, this community is a central and essential aspect of faith and formation. ("Love the Lord your God with all your heart. . . Love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:30&31) ( … "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" Eph 5:21) ( … "Let us consider how we may spur one another on. . . let us encourage one another" Heb 10:24&25)

5. For the sake of others - becoming in the image of One who gave Himself completely, absolutely and unconditionally for others ("love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:31 … "My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one. . ." John 15:12&13) One responsibility as we grow is to "radiate the compassion and love of God... in our actions" (HL, 102). "The last thing that Jesus asked of us before he ascended, was that we go to all peoples and nations and preach his presence" (HL, 102).

6. Engaged – a process in which we much be involved, active, and receptive to God’s Word, leading, and will (". . continue to work out your salvation. . . it is God who works in you. . . Phil 2:12b & 13 … ".) (. . let us throw off everything that hinders. . . and let us run with perseverance. . . Heb. 12:1b) ( … "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised" Heb 10:36) Part of this engagement component is a disciplined life – using and developing spiritual disciplines for growth; releasing ourselves in a consistent manner to God for His transforming work in our lives ("Take my yoke upon you, my yoke is easy and my burden is light" Matt 11:29 & 30) ( . . ."live a life worthy of the calling you have received" Eph 4:1) (James 1: 2 - 4 "Consider it pure joy . . . so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything")

7. Wholistic: "channeling our energies/longings – the fire inside - to bring integration and wholeness; saying 'yes' to God at each point of unlikeness; nurturing preference and shadow sides; coming out of our brokenness into wholeness in Christ" ("Forgetting what is behind and straining for what is ahead, I press on . . ." Phil 3:13b & 14) (". . . become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ" Eph 4:13b)

(This is the definition my team came up with this week.....Go BLUE!)

Aw, yeeeaaahh...

I just got my plaaaaaaaane tickets for the first January residency (J-term). We got some of the details yesterday....it's going to be amazing. The speakers/leaders, the place (Philadelphia)....and the people - my cohort members and I will be meeting face-to-face for the first time. That is exciting.

"Everything we do spiritually is to help wake us from slumbering forgetfulness."
~MoJo

...treasure from an Irish poet.

On its way through the innocent night,

The moth is ambushed by the light,

Becomes glued to a window

Where a candle burns; its whole self,

Its dreams of flight and all desire

Trapped in one glazed gaze;

Now nothing else can satisfy

But the deadly beauty of flame.

When you lose the feel

For all other belonging

And what is truly near

Becomes distant and ghostly,

And you are visited

And claimed by a simplicity

Sinister in its singularity,

No longer yourself, your mind

And will owned and steered

From elsewhere now,

You would sacrifice anything

To dance once more to the haunted

Music with your fatal beloved

Who owns the eyes of your heart.

These words of blessing cannot

Reach, even as echoes,

To the shore of where you are,

Yet may they work without you

To soften some slight line through

To the white cave where

Your soul is captive.

May some glimmer

Of outside light reach your eyes

To help you recognize how

You have fallen for a vampire.

May you crash hard and soon

Onto real ground again

Where this fundamentalist

Shell might start to crack

For you to hear

Again your own echo.

That your lost lonesome heart

Might learn to cry out

For the true intimacy

Of love that waits

To take you home

To where you are known

And seen and where

Your life is treasured

Beyond every frontier

Of despair you have crossed.

(The blessing: John O'Donohue's "For an Addict" ~ The image: my creation, symbolic of so many thoughts swirling in my mind this week)

waking up

Something in me has been "sleepy" for so long. Inattentive. Bland. But now....I feel like I'm slowly coming awake.
The reading I've been doing for class has certainly been part of it. But I am moved to tears as I think about the community developing in our online classroom. There is such openness... received with such love. As I read others' thoughts on the dicussion boards, I begin to see that so many things I have struggled with are not completely unique to me. I'm not alone in my weaknesses, my desires. Some of the posts have even opened my eyes to struggles/desires in me...that I didn't realize I had! What grace. Oh God, we are broken. Make us worthy vessels for your Spirit. Teach us to receive your grace and turn again to pour it out for each other.

If I had a year to live...

Dr. Mojo (my professor) asked this question yesterday. It's been on my mind a lot.

If I had a year to live, I would...
-Stop comparing myself to others and instead ask How is God speaking to me through this person?...And worry much less about what people think of me...and more about other people and their needs.
-Talk less, listen more...attentively.
-Make (particularly family) relationships right before God.
-Spend a lot more time with God and with others - that whole being/doing thing again!
-Publish a kids' story that's been sitting on my desk for a couple years.
-Take dance lessons.
-Cancel my health insurance :)

It's hard to really put yourself in this frame of mind, you know? It shouldn't be, though...since life really is a fragile thing and every breath a gift. It should be near the surface of our awareness continually. Teach us, dear Lord, to number our days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

New look!

My blog got a face lift! This look is so much more...me.

Bleed Into One

This was on a friend's blog...I have to wonder when Christians are going to stop protesting things and start being what the world needs.

SAU - Week Two?!

Starting my third week already. Week 1 was orientation...getting used to the interface, where to find things, etc. I've taken so many online classes before that it's coming easily. And my job situation is such that I can check the discussion boards before the new posts pile up on me. I feel kinda guilty, really....so many in the class have been struggling with the technology aspect of it and with having so many new posts to read - feeling very overwhelmed. I don't know how to help.

This week's reading was in Invitation to a Journey, Streams of Living Water, and Out of Solitude. Rich, rich, rich! I wish I'd kept better notes. Oh, well. I'll begin again on the week three readings.
The assignment this week is to write, submit, and discuss our Personal/Spiritual Profile and Narrative. A spiritual autobiography of sorts. I thoroughly enjoyed writing it...there was a lot of digging around, and some of it hurt. Some things I really, really, really, really didn't want to post in front of the whole class, but that couldn't be ignored as a major spiritual turning point in my life. In the interest of authenticity and brokenness, I "let it all hang out."

Starting the reading for next week now...in The Holy Longing and Invitation to a Journey. We'll be defining "spiritual formation".....and it only gets better!!

Thank you, Abba, for leading me to this path. Strengthen my friends and me by your grace to enter Your Community...to breathe in the readings and let them infuse our daily living.

Standing By

In Rembrandt’s painting of the prodigal, the character(s) I identify with may vary from day to day, moment to moment, depending on who I am with, what I am doing, my hormonal balance, the weather conditions, and just about anything else! Sometimes I feel the brokenness of the prodigal; sometimes the anger and judgment of the brother; and every once in a while I offer someone the love of the Father. Overall, though, I am generally the man in the very back. Hidden. Awkward. Not quite fitting in anywhere. Looking on the scene with longing. Learning by others’ actions the value of being “defective,” wrecked, broken.

Who are you?

Faith

In an ongoing conversation with friends, I've been thinking some about faith. What is faith?
Hebrews 11:1 is typically the verse cited when a definition is needed. So I looked it up in several versions...
When we read words like substance, evidence, assurance, conviction, and proof, do we assume that faith = certainty, absence of doubt? If this is faith, then either we must admit we are a hopeless cause or we must deny simple facts of reality.
What if faith is more than this? We may say it is, but do our lives reflact that reality?

"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see."

Hebrews 11:1, the Message

What if faith is trust? There will probably still be darkness, and perhaps nothing - not even the smallest light - to lead us on. But it does not shake our confidence that the Lord is my shepherd. In Waking, Matthew Sanford writes, "Stop moving...let the eyes adust...allow for stillness...then see what's possible."

Believing Abba is big enough to work within our current limitations...

First "official" day of class at SAU...

John O'Donohue's blessing "For a New Beginning" - A near-perfect expression of my heart...and a prayer for all beginning this journey together:


In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

Out of Solitude - Part 3

Henri Nouwen's three meditations on the Christian life presented in this little book seem so simple - and so deep. The book is divided into three sections: Out of Solitude, With Care, and In Expectation. Here are my thoughts on the third part:

John 16:16-22
True and deep caring for others can be painful. It does not make for an easy life. We do not have within ourselves adequate resources to sustain such a life over the long haul. As we immerse ourselves in the pain and suffering of others, we must cling to hope – confident expectation that redemption will come.
“Without expectation, care easily degenerates into a morbid preoccupation with pain and gives more occasion for common complaints than for the formation of community (p. 53).”

Expectation as Patience
“…What seems a hindrance becomes a way; what seems an obstacle becomes a door; what seems a misfit becomes a cornerstone (p. 55)… That is the great conversion in our life: to recognize and believe that the many unexpected events are not just disturbing interruptions of our projects, but the way in which God moulds our hearts and prepares us for his return (p. 56).”
Expectation – hope – gives strength to climb the mountains of suffering we embark on when we commit to care. The caring is, then, a passage of sorts. A transition. A movement from one way of life to another; one realm to another. A passage requires patience and perseverance. So many stories tell us how the characters are transformed – usually through difficulty of some kind – into a whole new way of being. Images come to mind of the difficult journey for Frodo and Sam as they travel through Mordor to take the ring to Mount Doom. They persevere, they keep going, and they have hope.
Patience is necessary even when circumstances are not overtly painful. When things don’t turn out as we expected, or when our lives seem utterly boring and off-track – these are also times that we must look up in hope and press on with patience.
But what comes first? There is no patience without hope, but can there truly be hope without patience? “…patience is the mother of expectation (p. 59).”

Expectation as Joy
“A man or woman without hope in the future cannot live creatively in the present (p. 59).”
By patience and perseverance we know that our hopes will come to pass. This sets joy in our hearts! When we have something to look forward to, the dull dreariness of today fades – things look brighter. Nouwen compares it to receiving a letter from a loved one, with news that we will see each other soon. There is expectation and joy (probably accompanied by a sudden awareness of the impending housecleaning tasks). Without the joy of our hopes, our patience will be very short-lived.
“…Our intimate relationship with God can become deeper and more mature while we wait patiently in expectation for his return (p. 61).”

Out of Solitude - Part 2

Henri Nouwen's three meditations on the Christian life presented in this little book seem so simple - and so deep. The book is divided into three sections: Out of Solitude, With Care, and In Expectation. Here are my thoughts on the second part:

Mark 6:32-44
The knee-jerk response of seeing need, pain, suffering is to seek change – a cure. “What we do not see and do not want to see is care: the participation in the pain, the solidarity in suffering, the sharing in the experience of brokenness (p. 35).
Being with the people in their pain. This idea of care is evident in the life and work of Mother Teresa, whose homes for the dying created a place for the people of Calcutta to face death held by loving, caring hands. There is a time for action, for demanding change, for seeking a cure. “…Cure without care is as dehumanizing as a gift given with a cold heart (p. 36).” Care must be the foundation for all action taken to cure.

Care
In Beyond Borders, Dr. Callahan (played by Clive Owen) has been living in Ethiopia conducting relief efforts during the famine in the 1980s. Sarah Beauford (Angelina Jolie) has been introduced to the needs and inspired to take action for change. Dr. Callhan helps the naïve but well-meaning woman to see things differently:
“What’s the first thing you do when you get a cold?”
“Uh... chicken soup, aspirin, scotch...”
“You never just have the cold?”

“I don't know what…”

“Taken nothing. Just have the cold?”

“No.”
“No, and that's us, right? We drown it. Kill it. Numb it, anything not to feel. You know, when I was a doctor in London, no one ever said 'medahani'. They don't thank you like they thank you here. Cos here they feel everything, straight from God. There's no drugs, no painkillers. It's the weirdest, purest thing - suffering…”

Dr. Callahan’s insight came from first-hand experience in caring for the Ethiopian people. Following the word care to its roots, it means “to grieve, to experience sorrow, to cry out with”(Nouwen, p. 37). It is to admit that we do not understand, we do not know what to say or how to fix it. Words are often unnecessary; we are simply present to the other person. Cure without care is abused power – we are only trying to manipulate and control the situation.

Community and Care
How can form caring communities? For starters, we’ve got to get over this ridiculous idea that “I’m only one person…I can’t make any significant difference.” If every person believed this, our world would be devoid of both care and cure. We do not need special training to care for those placed in our path. We must simply do it. But we don’t. Why?
Henri Nouwen asks this question in such a way that the answer begins to emerge:
“Why is it we keep that great gift of care so deeply hidden? Why is it that we keep giving dimes without daring to look into the face of the beggar? Why is it that we do not join the lonely eater in the dining hall but look for those we know so well? Why is it that we so seldom knock on a door or grab a phone, just to say hello, just to show that we have been thinking about each other? Why are smiles still hard to get and words of comfort so difficult to come by? Why is it so hard to express thanks to a teacher, admiration to a student, and appreciation to the men and women who cook, clean, and garden? Why do we keep bypassing each other always on the way to something or someone more important (p. 43)?”
Are we afraid of how we will appear to others? Are our schedules so fully booked that we simply have no time for our fellow human beings? Do we have our own ideas of what things and people should be?
Care requires “the honest recognition and confession of our human sameness (p. 45).” This is the basis of true community. As true community is conceived and nurtured, these communities will naturally be caring to those “outside” of the community.

Out of Solitude - Part 1

Henri Nouwen's three meditations on the Christian life presented in this little book seem so simple - and so deep. The book is divided into three sections: Out of Solitude, With Care, and In Expectation. Here are my thoughts on the first part:

Mark 1:32-39
Action is born out of solitude. Time alone gives rise to effective ministry. “Surrounded by hours of moving, we find a moment of quiet stillness (Nouwen, p. 17).” We are to cultivate a lonely place within, where only our Father has access – where he rests in the midst of every storm.

Our Life in Action
“…although the desire to be useful can be a sign of mental and spiritual health in out goal-oriented society, it can also become a source of a paralyzing lack of self-esteem (pp. 21-22).”
It is all too easy to define our worth (or worthlessness) according to the success (or failure) of our actions – as perceived by ourselves and others through the lens of the norm. We emphasize success, yet we live our lives in constant fear that the real us will be discovered – that others will see us for what we really are: “not as smart, as good, or as lovable as the world was made to believe (p. 23).” We give ourselves over to – and are enslaved by – the illusions we have constructed around ourselves. Adaptation is mistaken for intention, seduction for reality (Young, p. 123).

Our Life in Solitude
“A life without a lonely place, that is, a life without a quiet center, easily becomes destructive (Nouwen, p. 25).”
Solitude is defined as the state of being or living alone; remoteness from habitations; a lonely unfrequented place; absence of human activity (Dictionary.com). In such a place, we can learn to rest free from the compulsion to define ourselves by what we can grab, conquer, claim. We can become open and receptive, defining our lives in gratitude by what is given to us. This frees us to give and share, rather than take and defend. It loosens our grip on the world and the world’s grip on us. We learn to see worth as distinctly other than usefulness. Results and success loose their power over us.
By nature of the fact that we are born into this world and are continuously surrounded and fed by it, we love our world. Solitude sets a healthy distance between us and the world, allowing us to see it more objectively – revealing its false realities.

Passages

Death is a passage to new life. That sounds very beautiful, but few of us desire to make this passage. It might be helpful to realise that our final passage is preceded by many earlier passages. When we are born we make a passage from life in the womb to life in the family. When we go to school we make a passage from life in the family to life in the larger community. When we get married we make a passage from a life with many options to a life committed to one person. When we retire we make a passage from a life of clearly defined work to a life asking for new creativity and wisdom. Each of these passages is a death leading to new life. When we live these passages well, we are becoming more prepared for our final passage.
~Daily Meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society

What passage(s) am I making at this point in my life? School is the biggie for me right now...but are there less obvious passages-more easily overlooked? The gradual increase in my involvement on the job; stepping further (also very gradually) into the unfamiliar territory of adulthood; even small changes in attitude toward present circumstances and the people around me.
Am I living these passages well - with attention to the Present Moment, awareness of my utter helplessness and need of God, and great hopes for what is to come?
How will I allow these passages to shape me?
In what ways can I be with others as these changes take place?

Burning in my heart

Beyond Borders...a 2003 film starring Clive Owen and Angelina Jolie - I watched it last night. The second half seemed to be more...Hollywood-ish, but the first half, and the whole movie overall, was rather jolting. Especially the scenes of famine in Ethiopia...the faces of the people...the babies. So many dying. Raw suffering. Pure need.

Jeremiah 5:27-31...Read it this morning. What a perfect, sickening depiction of what we have become. We have our own "prophets" who "prophecy falsely," and local leaders and congregations who gobble it up as Gospel truth. You hear today's prosperity preachers talking about the good life and great wealth God's just waiting to dump on us...when we already live in such abundance....yet we have "grown fat and sleek...and do not judge with justice the cause of the orphan, to make it prosper...[or]defend the rights of the needy."

Compare this...

To this...

We pursue affluence and luxury under the guise of seeking God's blessing...and neglect the starving, oppressed lives all around us. This should put fire in our bellies...

Birthdays!

Happy birthday to Mom (Aug 13) and Sam(today)!! Two people who are very, very precious to me. John O'Donohue calls a birthday "the echoing-day of your birth"...
Today we're off to celebrate!

Christ's words to me...

(Put your name in place of mine...I'm pretty sure He'd like to say this to you as well.)


Barbara, I love you. Not "if" or "but." I love you more fully, more deeply than you will ever imagine. Being with you constantly and teaching you, helping you to be increasingly sensitive to those inner leanings - the whisperings of Holy Spirit - brings such joy to my heart. I'm not mad at you or even wishing you could be other than what you are. I only see you and love you as you are and am so excited to be with you as you grow in your likeness to our Father.
I love you, Barbara...I love you! And I soooo deeply desire your growth and transformation. This is our journey together. You're not alone. Hold my hand. Be in me. Let me wrap myself around you and be in you. Don't try to change yourself. You are precious to me, and I know you inside and out. I see the reality and fullness of what you are and I still love and hold you. So when you see something in yourself that is frightening and sinful...don't turn to resistance and rejection...but to prayer, supplication, thanksgiving, humility.
This is your life. Accept it. Receive it. And rest in me. Together we'll see your heart come to glorious union with our Father.

Afternoon thoughts....still at work.

I'm unsettled. Or maybe I'm settled....in a distracted, disjointed, not-here sort of place. I haven't kept my "God-appointments" today. Sorry, Abba. You are near me. You always stay so near, loving and guiding and healing and speaking...and I, like a teather-ball, just keep spinning and pulling and bouncing around. Stop the motion, constant action, constant thought. Just be. Breathe. What am I resisting? Staying later at work...the feeling of distraction or failure...the irritating habits of those around me. What gifts am I overlooking? A few moments alone and quiet to recollect...an easy job that provides financial resources...a clean, warm jacket to wear in a cold office...blueberry white tea...family keeping in touch with me throughout the day...so many, many gifts. Breath. Sight. Thought. How might I be abusing these gifts? By inattention... misdirection...or just plain laziness.
Here I am, Abba. Can I really just accept this moment as it is...without demanding that it be something else?
"Let your face shine on us, O Lord, and we shall be saved."

How does control hamper faith?

"Faith for Jesus is the opposite of anxiety. If you are anxious, if you are trying to control everything, if you are worried about many things, you don't have faith, according to Jesus. You do not trust that God is good and on your side. You're trying to do it all yourself, lift yourself up by your own bootstraps.

The giveaway is control. That's a good litmus test of the quality of your faith. People of faith don't have to control everything, nor do they have to change people."

Today's Daily Meditation from Richard Rohr.

Holding in tension...

Ronald Rolheiser, in The Holy Longing, talks about biblical pondering. It's not, he says, the same as study or sitting down to theologizer about a person or situation. It is to hold in tension. To rest in pain, knowing that the Lord is my Shepherd regardless. It is to resist the temptation to seek a premature solution to that tension. It is to allow patience to have its perfect work...in physical pain, broken relationships, unpleasent circumstances, singleness, etc. It is to rest in the assurance of his Presence - which keeps me from fear....which, in turn, keeps me from anger depression, addiction.
Now...keeping that in mind, as I've been reading Matthew Sanford's memoir and tapping into other resources for yoga and similar practices, I keep hearing talk of "putting boudaries on your pain." Putting boundaries on my pain?? What does this mean?

As Mom and I walk up Escalante or La Canada (two streets with painfully steep hills that we alternately inflict on ourselves), the burning in my legs travels up my back and into my back, neck, and arms. If I were to create a physical picture of this pain, this tension, it would be radiating outward from my body. My mind becomes consumed with the desire to reach the tops of the hill - or to stop and turn around! To escape the discomfort. It is difficult to view the Lord as my Shepherd and the world around me as ultimately safe...because I am projecting my pain into the world around me. The air around my head smolders with it.
If, on the other hand, I put boudaries on my pain....it is contained. I view my body as a solid, non-permiable container for that pain. The pain, the tension, is contained rather than being allowed to seep into my environment. It becomes easier to know that he is my Shepherd and that I am ultimately safe. And if I am ultimately safe, there is no need to act out my fear (striking out in anger, depression, addiction). I live in that tension. I hold it. I refuse to seek premature escape or relief. So it comes, full circle, back to Rolheiser.
This is true not only of physical pain, but of psychological, relational, circumstantial pain as well. Any kind of element that is contrary to what we assume to be good, right, or ideal.

Now...also think about a child, afraid or in some degree of pain, going to her Daddy to be held. The child is seeking to have boudaries to her pain. Her Daddy is there, arms around her. The pain is contained and Daddy loves her...the world is ultimately safe. So God is/does for us.

Just...wow.

Spent two hours at a concert tonight. Ruidoso's Chamber Music Festival. I was given a ticket for tonight's concert: Alexander Kobrin. It was amazing. Truly astounding....breathtaking. I've never really exposed myself to much in the way of classical music....I found myself swept away with the movement, the emotion evident in the composition...and hypnotized by the movement of Kobrin's hands over the instrument. No one can truly claim to be a musician unless they have mastered an intrument like that!
A tremendous amount of discipline....resulting in such....beauty.

http://www.alexkobrin.com/

Inspiration...

For the changes taking place as I begin my journey at Spring Arbor...and the changes I feel pressing inside, yet to be manifest....This is "For a New Beginning"...from John O'Donohue's book of blessings:

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.

Awakening your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.


This can warm the hearts of most people, I am sure. I hope it is as embracing for you as it has been for me.

From the IJM...

Dateline NBC this evening will feature a special update on IJM undercover work in Svay Pak, Cambodia that resulted in the rescue of 37 girls. The Dateline NBC story, entitled “Children for Sale,” originally aired in January 2004 and has received significant airtime as well as two Emmy awards.
Tonight’s update will include a new interview with Gary Haugen as well as interviews with several of the young girls rescued by IJM in the original raids.

9pm EDT/PDTDateline NBC
Please watch and spread the word to friends who may be new to IJM!

Gratefully– International Justice Mission


P.S. Feel free to visit www.ijm.org/presscenter for previous Dateline NBC footage along with recent IJM media coverage. For more information surrounding the Svay Pak operation, please read Terrify No More by Gary Haugen.

I complete Christ?!

Further thoughts on the Incarnation....

Mom and I are (working on) memorizing the first chapter of Colossians. We were going over the verses on our walk yesterday morning (or was it the day before?), up to verse 23. Then we read ahead to get an idea of where we'd be going next.....and discovered this:

" I am now rejoicing in my suffereings for your sake, and in my flesh I am completing what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church. (v. 24)

Completing what is lacking in Christ's afflictions????????? This is saying, in other words, that Christ's suffering on the cross is incomplete...and we have what it takes to complete it?
And in John 15.....there's a vine and a branch. Apart from the vine, the branch dies - but can a vine bear much fruit without the branch?

If I weren't reading it directing out of my Bible, I might call this heresy! But I am...and it's not.

I (can) complete Christ...the Incarnation. God - almighty creator and ruler of the universe, omnipotent, omnipresent (and all the other "omni's"!) - needs me. Not because he is weak, incompetent, or otherwise incapable...but because this is how he chooses to love me. By involving me in this mystery of the Incarnation - even making me indispensable to the "project"!

Can this be true.....or am I having delusions of grandeur?

Christians or Theists?

The mystery, the reality of the incarnation is what defines us as Christians. Bring Christ to the world around us, seeing Christ in all things....this is what we are to be about. If its not about this, we are only theists, believing in a God who is aloof and "out there." A Christian life is an incarnational life. Richard Rohr says that either we see Christ in all things....or we see him in nothing.

God...with skin.

Ronald Rolheiser, in The Holy Longing, explores what he calls the "under understood" mystery of the incarnation:

"The incarnation is not a thirty-three year experiment by God in history, a one-shot, physical incursion into our lives. The incarnation began with Jesus and it has never stopped. The ascension of Jesus did not end, not fundamentally change, the incarnation. God's physical body is still among us. God is still present, as physical and as ready today, as God was in the historical Jesus. God still has skin, human skin, and physically walks on this earch just as Jesus did (The Holy Longing, p 79)."

This physical body is us. You and me. Here on this planet...We are the Body of Christ.

What are the practical effects of this incarnation on our spirituality?
(Note: A theist is a person who believes in God; a Christian is one who believes in a God who is incarnate. Thus a theist would not be much affected practically by the incarnation; a Christian is defined by it.)
I am sure the practical implications are countless....Rolheiser names eight....and I've only read the first one: how we should pray. If we am the continued incarnation of the Christ spirit, and we pray through Jesus Christ (or in his name), "not only God in heaven is being petitioned and asked to act. We are also charging ourselves, as part of the Body of Christ, with some responsibility for answering the prayer. To pray as a Christian demands concrete involvement in trying to bring about what is pleaded for in the prayer (p 83)."

We are to be God with skin to the people around us. We pray for people and situations...but we do not leave it at that. We look for very real ways to be part of the answer to our own prayer.

Make sense?

This brings to mind a recent "experiment" Mom and I did in Kidz Church a few weeks ago. We were starting on our compassion ("social justice tradition") series....and sat everyone, including ourselves, in a big circle. Everyone was given a card that said, "This week I will pray every day for _____. S/he has asked that I pray for __________." Everyone wrote the name of the person on their right in the first blank; that person's request in the second. Mom was being prayed for by an 8-year-old girl, fairly new to the group but very attentive. She promised to pray every day that Mom would have new ideas for her artwork. Later that week, we held our mid-week gathering out at the Cedar Creek picnic area/campground. This little girl came with her mother....and brought a big, thick book of great art ideas and gave it to Mom.
She had been praying....and she became part of the answer to her own prayer. This is how the incarnation brings life to our prayers.